I use try to use humor as much as possible with our 2e/pg ds8. That helps.
We're un/homeschooling our ds8 too. He resists our authority (mine and dh) and everyone else's authority (ie. any therapists, swimming teacher, etc.). Ds spends lots of time reading on his own or puttering about at home. He is a self-directed, self-motivated learner too.
I'm very lucky because most of the therapists, who he's had, have had tons of experience in dealing with independent (not pg) kids like him who have physical issues (not cognitive ones!). I've been told numerous times not to push ds8 too much, but more to nudge him and try getting him to do things in a playful manner rather than in an authority style. They also have used humor as much as possible to get ds to cooperate. Ds8 doesn't want to swim and often resists anything physical because it's not always easy or fun for him to do (ie. he's got to put some effort and practice into it and isn't going to come automatically or naturally to him).
I've recently picked up the book, Smart but Scattered, again in attempt to work more with ds8 and the executive skills that are lacking. This entails task initiation (doing things you don't necessarily want to do), planning things out, sequencing, time management, etc. All those kinds of things usually don't happen overnight or without parental involvement.
I agree with HowlerKarma here that those skills need to be learnt and mastered for an 8-yr-old to become truly independent regardless if they're pg or not.
Not sure if my ds8 has learned that EVERYONE has strengths and weaknesses and that he can learn to identity and respect those strengths either. My son has always considered himself a leader and never a follower. This also poses a problem for him with playdates or other times when the situation should be more give and take from both parties. But I am working on him being a temporary follower and letting others have a turn being a leader. Not easy.
