Our older DD (now 9) made it all the way to 1st grade before the boredom got to be too much for her. That year she was in trouble from day one and always having to stay after school or bringing home notes from the teacher. This was partly due to just a general poor student/teacher match ("bad fit" as you stated)and the teacher having quite a few students with behavior issues all in the same class. It was pure torture for DD and scary, stressful, and confusing for DH and I. DD9 has matured quite a bit and (sort of sadly) learned what she has to do to blend in better at school. I even had a teacher recently comment on how well she is doing (behaviorally) this year. At home DD9 has some behavior issues, but for the most part she doesn't push the limits.
Then there is DD8 - she is a total pleaser at school. She has tremendous social skills (IMHO - especially considering how far out she is on the bell curve). At school she is never in trouble, offers to help out, gets along with everyone, and tries to do her best at all times - the epitome of the perfect student. Then she comes homes and lets it all fly! At home she is defiant, lazy, and (the one that drives me batty) whines about almost everything. It is like she works so hard at holding it together at school that she hits the threshold of her safety zone at home and unloads all her day's frustrations.
I really don't know which way I'd rather have it: 1. the pleaser kid that never gets in trouble at school, but is hell at home or 2. the kid that gets in trouble at school and knows her boundaries at home.
I do have to admit, it is nice knowing I don't have to worry about what DD8 will do at school today that will warrant a note being sent home or a phone call from her teacher.
