A contrary position to EmeraldCity...
If this isn't a universal parenting maxim, I'm coining it now: Parents can expect to get more of any behavior they reward. When a child fakes an injury or intentionally self-injures, they're looking to get a particular reaction from their parents. When you treat the pain as real, apply ice, etc., you are providing that reaction, and therefore rewarding the behavior. Therefore, you can expect more of it.
The "Explosive Child" approach does not advocate rewarding or coddling negative behavior; instead, the approach promotes understanding, empathy and problem-solving the ROOT CAUSE of the behavior during the teachable moment. The teachable moment is when both parent and child are calm and can listen and think about future strategies. The moment is definitely not pre, during or immediately post the rage or tantrum. It's collaborative, but the parent still maintains their authority because both parties have to agree on acceptable solutions.
Anyways, it has worked successfully for our DS, and I apply it to other relationships for the better.
Lastly, I hope the OP can find time for yourself each week. I have found face time with mothers of similar children (I was lucky to find a few!) is life-changing.
