I was a believer in Dude's maxim above (and for many kids I probably still am) but for my DS it wasn't working. We read "The Explosive Child" (one of the ones recommended by EmeraldCity) and it changed everything for us. DS didn't have the skills to self soothe or problem solve what the root issue was. Without solving the root issues we were doomed to repeat the freak out over and over and over and over again which just resulted in him being punished over and over again. We're now working with him to teach him how to self soothe and problem solve and it has brought the number and intensity of freak outs way down almost immediately. It is more about teaching the skills to avoid the massive out of control melt down in the first place.
I was also a firm believer in Dude's maxim when I had one child, and it works for a lot of kids. But not all. I have also found that in fact giving a kid loving attention in spite of bad behavior is sometimes exactly what they need and that behavior then improves. People are more complicated than behaviorism acknowledges, I think.
