Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional When did this happen for your kid?

KJP, I think the answer to this question is going to be very child-dependent,mas well as a function of how far along in the journey you are re understanding exactly what's going on with your child when they have an exceptionality. It's also going to change with age simply because mst children, challenged or not, become more able to describe what they are feeling as they get a bit older. It's a little bit like learning how to talk - until our children have words, they cry or tug on it leg or stomp their foot or whatever to get our attention and to attempt to communicate what they feel or need. Once they have words it takes a few years for them to put together the pieces of understanding what words describe how they feel as well as a few years of learning what communication works best. When my dysgraphic ds was the same age as your ds he used to stomp, scream, bite his teeth, tear up his papers and throw them across the room. When my totally nt dd was your ds age she whined when something was wrong, but she didn't launch into an explanation of what was wrong. If I could guesstimate based on my small sample of a family, I'd guess that within the next year you'll see your ds become more clearly expressive of what he's feeling -if his hand hurts when he writes he may start to tell you that for instance.

Once you have a diagnosis, you can start explaining the why to him, as well as start to ask him specific questions about how it's impacting him that you might not be thinking about now. You'll both become more aware of how he's feeling and as. You lead, he'll see the example of how to explain. Role-playing responses also seemed to work really we'll for kids I knew when they were between 7-10 years old, so you could give him a response then practice it with him when he's not stressed out so that it will eventually become automatic when he is stressed out.

If I had to answer this question for my ds, the first answer would be at it changes - he was diagnosed at 8, and once I knew what was up and explained it to him, his outbursts etc disappeared, but he still refused to do work he wasn't able to do and I had to ask him specific questions to understand If refusal to do work was dysgraphia-related. He also wasn't ready to tell a teacher at school that his hand hurt or he couldn't do something etc because of his dysgraphia. By the time he was 10-11 he was beginning to talk quite a bit about it with me in order to understand himself better. Now that he's 13, he explains himself to me and he can relate something that's going on to his homework ect to his disabilities as well as tell me no, this isn't dysgraphia etc. he is still very reluctant to discuss it with is teachers, but I suspect that's a combination result of having an expressive language disorder, seeing teachers as authority figures, and sometimes simply wishing it wasn't his reality. He's a kid who absolutely doesn't want to stand out or be different - yet even that I see changing this past year as he grows into his teen years.

My advice is to be patient, this will pass. I also wouldn't tell him yet, for instance, if reading is hard its dyslexia or if twist hurts its dysgraphia - I'd wait until you have a diagnosis to tell him a diagnosis/reason. Instead when he tells you things like that, or when you ask and he answers yet, empathize with him and let him know you are working on finding answers and help for him. You can tell him he has the appointment in October etc. - I'd just be hesitant to tell him the why yet, simply because when our ds was struggling just prior to diagnosis, the "why"s being tossed around turned out to be very incorrect.

Best wishes,

polarbear