I think you acknowledge that the struggle is real (even if it's in his mind, it's real). But also say when a task is required, vs. when it's optional, and why. We distinguish "gotta-dos" from "wanna-dos."

Disability is part of the regular conversation around here; we talk about why something is extra hard, as well as why it's worth the effort.

We also tell our kids, "In this family, you do the right thing, even when it's hard." That doesn't leave much room for excuses.

DeeDee