Ok, have a bit more time now.

Yes, thanks too from me Zen Scanner for the link.

I find I have never found a balance I am quite comfortable with re the praise thing and perhaps my definitions are wonky and your responses have made me think about what we do and don't do.

We don't praise smart as in "wow, you're so smart" or "oh, you're wonderful because you're in the streamed class at school" (sorry, they are terrible examples but hopefully they make my point!)

But we do praise things like figuring something out for your self, using a clever strategy when playing a game, coming out with something really funny.

We also praise achievement where it is linked to effort - but we don't include references to being smart. "You did a great job on that story, I love x and y bits of it. I was impressed with the thought and work you put in to it".

What I don't praise are the across the board As she got in her last report which all showed her working 6-12 months ahead when she can do work significantly beyond that. In those cases I praise other things in her report - her attitude, interactions with her class mates etc and I will acknowledge the As but point out that its whether or not she was learning that matters.

I fundamentally do not expect 110% effort across all things. I think that way 7yo burn out lies. But persistent 90% - even 80% effort on even one area would be great!

Part of it as well I suspect is that other than reading, dd hasn't found her thing (well, and maybe reading is her thing and I should just back off). I was much the same. It was only toward the end of high school that I found my "thing". It is much harder to put in 100% when you're just not that fussed about the outcome. And dd isn't - when it comes to this stuff she is almost without extrinsic motivation. She's not at all fussed about grades, about being the top of the class etc. I could offer her a life time supply of chocolate or a million soft toys (two of her favorite things) and it wouldn't shift her level of effort (bribing has never worked on her ... sigh ...) Her intrinsic motivations seem to be very much about connection to others, relationships (not in a needing to be linked sense, but in a need to be connected to people, to get the stimulation off others, to share ideas). This is I suspect where books come in to it for her in a way that other 'academic' stuff doesn't.

So maybe I'm looking in the wrong places for effort. Maybe I'm looking for it in areas that the care factor just doesn't exist for her and given her out put is still high enough to see her get the marks she'll need to do whatever she wants I shouldn't worry about it so much ... That's the thought I often have and then it's always followed by "yes, but the problem isn't grades, it's that she's avoiding thinking".

And then I send myself off in a loop again!