We've found that using timers for tasks (of all kinds) REALLY helps with a child that has a high need for autonomy. It takes (some of) the power struggle out of it, and prevents a lot of meltdowns on both sides.
If it's a transition thing, then yes to making a desirable activity "next" and to giving a gentle time-limit warning so that "the end" isn't a very unwelcome, intrusive surprise.
We still use all of those strategies with my 13yo DD. I give her a ten minute warning in the evenings when she's online with her friends. Without it,
she is prone to the kinds of tantrums that only teens can muster. (Oy.) Even proctors for the SAT/ACT/AP exams use transition cues with adolescents, recall.
It's hard to remember that as cognitively able as our HG+ kids are-- they are still very much children. I'm always surprised when my DD behaves in very age-appropriate (but maddeningly irrational/contrary) ways. I'm just not used to it because she is ordinarily SO mature and rational! She's conditioned me to NOT treat her like a __ year-old. It is really rare that something like this isn't at least partially about my unrealistic or inappropriate expectations of my DD-- which she ordinarily
meets. It's kind of unfair to her, really; I get upset because she isn't capable of ALWAYS behaving like an adult?? I feel horribly guilty when I realize that I'm doing that.
Most kids under 8-10yo have considerable trouble with transitions and limits (some of them for much longer). I've concluded that parents who never have this problem are blessed with children who are unusually compliant and have agreeable dispositions, high flexibility, and unnaturally low degrees of autonomy. Either that or they're not being truthful. Most gifted kids don't seem to be that sort of children to begin with, just anecdotally speaking. LOL.
