Interesting. Thanks for the thoughts, and especially for the terminology.
She's perfectionistic, but not in the way you describe, Howler - she doesn't care much about others' judgement, but intensely cares about her own. Which means that no A+ will ever sate that beast. -.
Can you have a conversation with her about that. What is her judgement about her work? Does she have something that she can point to with pride? What were the circumstances of that in terms of effort, what did she like about it.
This is rough - you see so many adults with perfectionism and self sabotage and it does so much damage. One tool that helps DH is the 80% versus 90% versus 100% good product. The client would rather have 80% great and ontime rather than perfect and weeks late. What is the cost of making it close to perfect, sometimes it's worth it and sometimes its not - but at least it's conscious.
My DS is not a perfectionist per se but he has tendencies but what he really has in spades is the not being bought - there's nothing he wants that.badly enough to be forced to do something - potty training was HORRIBLE!!! On the other hand, you say she willing will spend all day all year in her room. Well obviously her room, her head is much more engaging than what is outside.
No real help here, just some thoughts!
DeHe
