How can I help DD to just get things done instead of intentionally failing?
This relates to both the 'lying about homework' and 'apathetic 13yo' recent threads.
I've only just realized that she isn't doing her assignments because she wants certainty about her success/failure, rather than an actual inability to do the work. She seems to have learned the strategy of failing ahead of time. For instance, rather than lose a playdate or other fun activity of her choice if she didn't finish her homework, she made up an optional component to the homework and did that first, then insisted that she was still thinking of answers for the required part. For four hours, on a 20-minute assignment! No playdate, but no anxiety or self-blame for losing out on it either. This was actually very clever: by failing to get it done in time without precisely failing at the work, she was able to do the assignment in minutes as soon as she missed out on her 'incentive'. In the past she's worked on the assignment itself, which attaches anxiety and failure to the assignment, and then she can't get it done at all.
So - she will only do anything if there are no consequences to not doing it. (Informal afterschooling, pretty much.) Middle school is looming next year. There will be consequences to not doing her work! How have you handled this paradox? Have any of your kids conquered this sort of mindset? How do you motivate a student, if having any sort of motivator makes them want to take control of their own failure?
