Thanks everyone. So nice to hear from others who understand. Last spring we formed a Special Ed Parents group in our district - I thought it would provide a RL companion to this forum where I could talk face to face with parents who have been down this road. Instead the prevailing voices became those of parents with "typical" spec ed kids who insisted it was "impossible" for some of the issues that those of us on this board face daily to exist. Thanks heavens you all understand...
I have been telling myself "DD does not have leukemia or other life threatening illness. She has not lost a body part. She is not low functioning or intellectually challenged. Keep this in perspective..." Again intellectually I understand this. Keep this in perspective...
Ah yes, the mommy guilt. As DH and I sat reading separate copies of the report he said he went through each section saying "OK, I had this too. I didn't have any help with it and I got through school. HOW did I adjust to it?" He also pointed out that his road was tough enough with the portion of DD's issues that he shares but he doesn't have dysgraphia, dyspraxia, problems with visual perception, etc. I pointed out that I have the visual perception and fine motor issues (lucky DD - she really got the best of both worlds - huh?) but I was SO dang smart everything just came easy to me in school. I never felt like I was going through a "learning process" - it all just clicked immediately. Part of the problem is understanding how DD's learning process needs to be broken down into such small components. It's almost like trying to explain how to breathe - it just comes naturally but now we have to explore each minute aspect of each process. No wonder it feels like it will be overwhelming.
I think the biggest part now is getting the anxiety under control and we are working on that. She is working weekly with a psychologist who really gets it and the new SW at school also seems fully invested. The principal will remain a problem. I will have to ask very frankly at the IEP meeting next week if this will really be able to work in this school setting if the principal really, truly cannot "get" it. I have been told over and over that we are basically fighting a losing battle if the school environment continues to be a problem.
The neuropsych diagnosed ADHD-Inattentive and that was where her <1% score came from. I don't buy it - I think the test was a perfect storm that combined her issues with visual perception, fine motor and perfectionism. I think the test actually measured how she performs *when she is shut down from her anxiety*. He suggests that we get her on ADD meds - our position is not unless we see similar results in a test situation that does not trigger her anxiety. How is it possible that in 7 1/2 years no teacher, camp counselor, dance or swim teacher has mentioned concerns about ADHD if she is really functioning below the level of ALL her peers? How is it that her preschool teacher could tell me "I never had ANY concerns about attentiveness. None." The only person who ever mentioned her being inattentive was her kindergarten teacher - you know in the environment that triggered all these anxiety issues.
So I have to keep this in perspective, find out whether it's truly realistic that she will be able to have her needs met in the current school or what can/needs to be changed to make this possible, just accept that yes - she did in fact inherit the worst of both parents difficulties along with the gifts and remain grounded and realistic in what her needs are and how to address them.
Sounds good - now just to "put on my big girl pants" as I read on another thread - and just do it. Right?
