Pemberley,
Yes, absolutely I know that feeling of having been punched in the stomach - it felt like total shock the first time we heard our neuropsych use the word "disability" and I will *never* ever forget that feeling.
I'll also second everything that DeeDee said - I would have wanted to say it all but she said it much more eloquently and concisely than I ever could have
The other thing I'll add - we have 2 of our 3 kids who have scored extremely low on one or more sections of ability and achievement tests that were run when we were tracking down their challenges. You have to remember why those tests are organized the way they are - they test very specific abilities so that you can pinpoint where strengths and challenges are and they can be *very* useful. I don't see them as limiting at all. Instead, those low scores helped us target where our children's challenges were, and once we knew that we were able to find ways to accommodate and remediate and whether or not they score a low number on the IQ/achievement test loses any kind of punch once you start seeing the strength that comes out when children are given a path by which they can succeed.
I also truly believe that the school years, particularly elementary school, are going to be the toughest years for our 2e kids to fit in and find their place in school. It's not what we planned for them when we were dreaming of having children, but it is what is. I've found it's helped me a lot to read the testimonials of successful adults who have disabilities - you'll often find the memories that stick with them are vague memories of how they didn't like or didn't fit in in school but found their place in the world as adults - that's something to hang your hope on for your dd. AND... you'll also find that many of them will remember an adult who was influential in their childhood beyond just the ordinary "they were always there for me" - oftentimes it's a parent or a teacher who believed in them, who encouraged them, who supported them, and who helped them figure out how to navigate through the maze of school and how to find their place in the world. That person, for your dd, is you Pemberley, and that gift, the gift of your love and support and determination for your dd is something that she will carry with her throughout her life and that one gift will be the lasting thing that means something in her life, that will set the bar for what she can accomplish and how happy, grounded, secure, and self-confident she will be as an adult much more so than a number on a test taken when she was young.
polarbear
ps - just wanted to add - you'll get past that punched-in-the-gut feeling pretty soon too. It may come back here and there, randomly, over the years and there will be times you might be sad or angry or just wish it had all never happened, but it's never going to feel this raw and this hard again. The majority of the time - by far - you'll be either very busy advocating/supporting/researching or - the best part - you'll be enjoying parenting your dd.
