I just ordered "Transforming the Difficult Child" - a 6 hour seminar on DVD. I saw it recommended by Grinity in another thread and thought it sounded promising. We'll see...
Good for you sweetpeas, I think you'll get a lot out of the DVD. I would caution that the DVD is from 2004 and their idea of 'time out' has evolved quite a bit since then, so I would recommend to order Lisa Bravo's 'Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook' to have on hand as a way to get caught up on the 'how to's of the new time out system.
I'd also caution that as much as I love those folks, I don't love their 'anti-medication' perspective. As far as I can tell, some kids use this and don't need medication any more, but other kids benifit tremendously from a combination of this approach and medication.
Anxiety can certianly go hand in had with a lack of recognition of athority. My son just hated being treated 'like a baby' right from the beginning. It does get better in part because once kids grow to middle school age everyone expects them to be moody and have 'minds of their own.'
As to why your dd has it easier, remember that 1) she has 'girl biology' which is often (not always) easier going and also less 'into' confrontation. Keep an eye on her. She may want what she wants just as strongly as her brother, but may be better equipped to go behind your back (at some age) to get it.
2) She has her older brother to 'go to the trouble' of creating excitement in the house, thus saving her the bother. When you start the approach outlined in 'Transforming' be sure to include her, to prevent her from feeling that she has to act out to get back to what she is used to.
It will get better!
Grinity
