My middle DS, (happy, productive 26 yr old now) was this way and my husband and I did spend many years feeling like we were going a bit crazy! He seemed gifted but finances were too tight to get him tested. After a horrible experience in one school we were fortunate to find a perfect match in a private school (on scholarship) that guided every child to their very highest academic abilities while also requiring them to develop good character. Long story short...with him he basically wanted to be treated like an adult. We tailored our parenting style with him to give him as much opened minded respect as was safe. I have to add that as soon as he started high school, the "challenging everything any adult said" attitude eased off. I always felt he was a passionate, super sensitive, gifted person who thought he was an adult trapped in a child's body! If we treated him in a way that he felt was fair, we all got along.
I also want to add that the post a couple of months ago on this board about being an introvert really made a difference in our family regarding my dear GD age 4. She also has spent her short life challenging "authority." However upon realizing that she was an extreme introvert we all changed how we interact and guide her. The difference in her ability to get along with the world is amazing! She even walked onto the stage to accept her Preschool diploma the other day. Even a few months ago this would have ended in first freezing and then a huge screaming public meltdown. Your story about the art classes made me think of her. An introvert really does want to participate, but often times physically cannot face the situation...which if misunderstood can end in a tantrum.
Overall I just want to add that I really feel for your situation, sweetpeas. But if you can figure out what works best for THIS child, then go with that parenting style. Hang in there, it DOES get better!
