And even if I can seem quite strict about that from my post, I am quite open.
I hope I didn't give the impression that you are strict, as I don't read that in, I was more wondering about how the extended family or neighbors were judging you and your partner based on your son's behavior. I think it's a shame when parents get isolated from their community because they happen to have a child who can't or won't live up to the prevailing expectations. This happens in the US over many things, I've been on the recieving end of several lectures over the years about my 'defective' parenting that are based on other people's judgement of my son's behavior. Thankfully that seemes to be over. I've had to 'ignore' the judgemental behavior and how it makes me feel so that I didn't become socially isolated at the time, and nowadays I get mostly compliments - not exactly revenge
la vengeance se mange très-bien froide
but I do try and enjoy the compliments now because I know how far we've come.
My son also seemed to use a lot of his vast intelligence making a social experiment any adults he could find who were willing to play. I'm not sure if this was his ADHD or his unusual high giftedness or a odd combination of both. I don't resent this, as I always hoped that parenting would help me grow into a more self-actualized person. As they say, 'Be careful what you wish for.'
The weird thing about my son is that even though he could 'see right through' my praising his good behavior, he has such a deep yearning for honest, undisputable, sincere praise that he - eventually - gave up using manipulation to get that thrill of being noticed. What is fasinating to me about these children is how much they are 'many aged' at once - thinking at one age, behaving at another age, feeling at a different age.
Smiles,
Grinity
