Yes, it sounds like you are being a bt hard on yourselves. Noone has it all toogether. Adjustng to a new child in the family is HARD. And often it's harder for men. Even wonderful, sensitive, altogether men. Afterall, women have usually had nine months of hormonal preparation to 'soften them up'. Men, on the other hand don't have that advantage.
If you have time
check out the book "The Post Baby Conversation" I found it very useful.
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=the+post+baby+conversation&x=0&y=0
If you relly aren't happy about the way things are, maybe try breaking it down and tackle on thing at a time, flylady style. One small habit at a time. Too much at once is really overwhelming.
