My DS6 has model behavior at school. While he's not a nightmare with homework, it's clear that his brain is fried in the evening, and he's had his fill of focusing at school. Homework can become very drawn out. It doesn't matter how much physical activity he's gotten between school and homework time, he's just done with language arts and writing for the day.

We also have too much homework IMO - 45 min to an hour at night, depending on how long it takes him to focus. Here are things I've found help with the procrastination piece: letting him do homework with colored markers or pencils (takes awhile as he switches colors by word or letter, but at least he is focused); finding a way for him to do it while physically moving, whether rocking a chair back and forth, wiggling feet, etc.; skipping anything involving drawing (he will draw forever if allowed); keeping little sister out of the room with the other parent, or completely occupied and quiet if in the room. We don't have the perfectionism or refusal to try though.

I also find he finishes harder homework more quickly because he's interested enough to actually focus.

A neighbor does homework with her 3rd grader elsewhere besides on the actual homework sheets, and writes in the margin how they did the homework: shaving cream on the mirror, dry erase marker on the window or easel, etc.

Regarding the rude behavior and lack of cooperation with chores, we don't have those in relation to homework, but we certainly get them, and we have to get much more formal with rewards and strict consequences during those phases. DH and I will sit down and map out what set of consequences and/or rewards we need to implement, then we'll explain to him that we're going to start implementing this new system in relation to whatever behavior it is, and then we have to help each other follow through with it (the most difficult part for us) for several weeks until the behavior is righted. Perhaps a discussion of homework and evening behavior expectations with your DD, which contains both rewards and consequences, might help.

Quick note on rewards - there was a great article in the Yale alumni magazine a few years ago that showed scientific evidence behind the effectiveness of rewards in changing behavior. http://www.yalealumnimagazine.com/archive/index.html Sept/Oct 2005 issue, "Breaking the Tantrum Cycle" by Alex Kazdin.