Hi UM
Reading your post, i was struck from a different direction than the having lots of work issue. Maybe the perfection doesn't come easily to her or not doing well at the new school worries her, she wants the honors and accolades and to be thought well of by peers and teachers, but it requires such self control that when she gets home - to her safe place, where she is loved for who she is - she can release what she really feels. From your description she isn't saying she doesn't want to do it but that she can't, yet you know she can, which is why it sounds more emotional or psychological to me rather than work resistance. So rather than time (although she likely wants that too) maybe this a plea for encouragement or tough love or a pat on the back?
Not sure about the general rudeness other than it being an extension of so much self control,
Not sure this was helpful just another perspective,
DeHe
