This is long and not well-articulated but will have to do:
So according to the WPPSI results dd4 is not actually gifted--too lazy to find the report now but I think FSIQ was around 125 according to psych who was very nice but inexperienced with gifted kids and did say score would likely go up, that may not have been totally accurate due to immaturity (that isn't the correct explanation imo). I don't care one way or another whether dd4 is gifted or not--of all the issues we imagined dealing with when we chose intl. adoption this was certainly not one I had considered. But I know that I know that she is. I have spent enough time around young children to know that she is far from typical.
So on Saturday she had her gymnastics "flip-fest" and her behavior was absolutely horrendous. She made faces at us (myself, dh, dd10, ds7 and my parents) stuck her tongue out, refused to cooperate, turned her back to the audience etc. etc.
The explanations I have come up with so far are:
1) her brother had surgery Thursday. She was picked up at school for a playdate at noon by a friend, and was with friend until 4ish p.m. (longer than usual, and first time with this friend without me), then ended up spending the night at my parents (who she sees all the time and has a good relationship with) which we decided at the last minute therefore she was not told ahead of time she would spend the night away. I think she was worried about her brother, and upset at not knowing beforehand about the sleepover. While we have been very lucky with attachment, I still have seen instances that clearly show her attachment is not 100% secure and I think her melt down Sat. reflects that. She later said she was afraid she would have to go home with g-parents after gymnastics and didn't want to.
2. This is a kid who, even if IQ tests don't show it, is profoundly gifted physically. She taught herself to do somersaults before age 1, and just automatically knew what to do the first time on monkey bars, climbing wall, scooter, bike, etc. etc. So as we were watching this gymnastics routine, I realized that all of the skills these kids were showing off, she had pretty much perfected in the fall--so even though she appeared to enjoy the weekly classes, I can see why she could think it was boring and ridiculous to demonstrate the skills that are so unchallenging for her.
I know she is only 4--but her behavior was SO disrespectful to the coach and the other children, and especially considering that she has such natural talent I hate for her to have negative experiences with something that could be such a great outlet for her.
It didn't help when the coach called her by the name of the only other Asian adoptee (heck the only other Asian kid adopted or not) in our area in her age range, and she is smart enough to get why and be pissed off about it.
So then tonight at bedtime she says she doesn't want to go to school any more. (She has been very positive about her multi-age Montessori classroom until now) Partly I am sure because she was stressed out on Thursday and wants to make sure I will pick her up and she will come home after school).
So I ask her why and she eventually says something about wanting long hair, and then, in a very small voice, "I want a different face". And then lots of talk about her size, and how she wants to be bigger. (she is I think under the 5th% and tired of people thinking she is younger than she is). And then, that she doesn't want to get old and that she doesn't want to die.
I feel way over my head and had thought that transracial adoptee plus emotional intensity/giftedness would be a unique combination to parent, but didn't expect to be dealing with it at 4 already. (again--I simply don't think those WPPSI scores are accurate, I am sure the kid is gifted, and that is playing a role here).
I guess mainly I am just venting. I am pretty sure we need to get some professional guidance, but I just don't know where we will find the $...we also need to pursue further testing for dd10 (dys explore scores) and I don't know how to prioritize.
Dd4 clearly needs to be living in a place that is much more diverse and to see faces that look like hers, but in the meantime she is in the best available fit academically so I don't know what else to do.
Thanks for reading if you made it this far...
