While superficially it may appear that behavior was just bratty for the sake of bratty or about boredome, I would more see it as about a kid being really uncomfortable, feeling out of place, and seeking attention or reassurance. I think it is fine to pull her out, but instead of focusing on punishment I'd more spin it as having a really bad day and move on. I know that's not easy when you are feeling embarrassed though.
You mentioned moving but I wasn't sure. Are you saying that is likely to happen? Is there any possibility there is a therapist in your area who has experience with transracial adoption?
PTP
Yes, I think you are totally correct, I think that is exactly what is going on. It is hard though when the other parent (typically old-school German mind-set) sees it differently and wants to focus on the behavior rather than what is causing it. It was awkward more than embarrassing, and mostly I just felt terrible for her because she is a really wonderful little girl and for whatever reason she did feel uncomfortable.
Re: moving--yes, we are moving somewhere else within the next 18 months ish (and prob closer to 6 months) but there are a lot of variables as to exactly when and where due to dh's job. I am hoping for the NE because I know that is where we are most likely to be able to find the best fit for education and other opportunities, but Atlanta is a possibility that would work. And then there are other possibilities that would be far from ideal.
There is a therapist here who specializes in the gifted, and I think she would be extremely helpful and get the whole family dynamic and even though she may not have expertise in transracial adoption/attachment, I do think that she would be more helpful than an adoption therapist who doesn't get gifted kids. (I have corresponded with her and she agrees that giftedness is playing a role in dd4's situation.) And it is really a fluke that we have access to her...the resources here in terms of professionals are limited. Now to figure out how to pay for it though--the cost is enormous...
