Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy I think I am going to insist on this-

DS11 just took a 12 week long Shakespeare workshop with our homeschool teen group. He was the youngest player and a complete novice, but he really did an amazing job! Last night was the final performance, and he nailed it. He had no trouble remembering his lines, though he rarely studied them. He was very proud of himself and he enjoyed the whole experience tremendously.

The director/instructor is now starting a community theater production of Alice in Wonderland. She wrote out the audition schedule and asked me to have my son audition. She told me that he wouldn't need to bring any memorized lines, as she already knows that he can memorize. She really seemed to want him in the play, and I cannot imagine any more perfect way to ease him into the whole community theater experience. He has talked about doing more acting, but when I asked him about Alice, he said he wasn't interested. I figure that he is wary of new situations, but quick to adapt and acclimate when presented with them, so maybe it is time for me to do some gentle pushing. I generally don't do this, but I feel like he has a golden opportunity where he is almost guaranteed a part. He will be familiar with the director too, which is a huge benefit- he already knows how to work with her and what her expectations are.

What do you think? Am I wrong to insist that he audition? It is unusual for me to do so, but I feel that he shouldn't miss this chance.

No, Lorel, I don't think it would be wrong to insist he give it a try.
But perhaps it is not acting he is objecting to, perhaps it is Alice in Wonderland.
Are there any other options besides this play?
Maybe he would be more interested in more Shakespeare.
It sounds like he's a real natural!
I'm sure other acting groups would also love to have him!

Incog

Hmmm, going from Shakespeare to Alice in Wonderland, maybe he thinks it just not his genre? If that's what seems to be holding him back, tell him he shouldn't narrow his focus at this point, he needs to be open to a wide variety acting experiences.

Has he read the book? If the problem is that he thinks it's not his cup of tea, he may just need to actually *read* the tea party scene.

I think I'd be asking *why* he doesn't want to do it. If the reason really is valid, then I'd let him off the hook. If he's just nervous about new things or biased aganst "Alice," I think I'd <ahem> be a bit more persuasive about it.

You're sure he enjoyed the acting experience, not just the class? Some people just really hate being on stage.

I'm pretty sure that he read the Alice books years ago, though maybe it wouldn't hurt to reacquaint him with the wit and humor of the story. I don't believe it is the subject of the play though- I really think he is reluctant to do it because it's new and scary. He does love Shakespeare though, and gets a lot of the wordplay and puns.

Good question about whether he enjoyed being on stage. It really was clear that DS loved the whole experience, and was very comfortable performing for an audience.

DH agrees that DS should pursue a role in Alice. He talked to ds about how he was Captain Hook in a middle school play, but never acted again. He's always regretted not performing again, as it was a lot of fun.

I was a more introverted child than ds, and I know I wish that I had been nudged to get outside of my comfort zone a bit more. He's much quicker to adapt and should be fine and enjoy himself once he gets started. Yet I feel guilty about not respecting his wishes.

thanks all,

Meh. Moms have enough guilt. I think you should let yourself off that particular hook!

I think some of it is just the specifcs of how you push him to do it. "You're going, and that's final!" wouldn't be my choice. (Not that it would be your choice either!) "Let's give it a try! I really think you'll love it," would be more where I'd take it.

But if he gets surly about it, I'm not sure I'd actually force him to do it. If he decides he won't enjoy himself, then he won't, no matter how much fun it is. What's the point in that?

Lorel - I was just like you as a child and wish I would have been pushed more outside my comfort zone. I think it a great idea to strongly encourage him to do it. Especially if it's an issue of trying something new and scary. Would anything make it more appealing to him to try?

And don't feel guilty either! It's one of those things that if he does it, he will never regret it. He may well regret NOT doing it though!

*Razz alert*

Be careful about pushing him, you might be looked upon as one of *those* mothers. If you aren't looked upon as *hothousing*, you'll definitely be seen as a *stage mother*.


I just had to say it, hehehe. You all don't know me well enough yet, so I better make it clear that I love good-natured teasing.

Btw, I'm much more laid back about the consequences of my choices regarding child-rearing now, than I was with my kids 25-30 years ago. You weigh the options, you look at where your child is now, where he's going, where is adult wisdom required for the choices, etc; and you make the best choice possible for *right now*.

Oh, I so agree with both of you, OHGrandma and kimck!

My whole philosophy of life:

Get the best info you can get at the time, make the best decision you can make based on what you know, and then banish regret. If you did the best you could at the time, kicking yourself is a waste of time. And always make decisions to avoid regret. It's been quite effective at helping me to overcome procrastination and perfectionism. (And it's why we had a second child! )

Maybe this is the way to frame it for your DS, Lorel?: will you be more likely to regret doing it or not doing it?

(Though I guess that depends upon what you think his answer will be...)

Beautifully stated! This is definitely how I operate. Carpe diem! (And it's also we had that 2nd child.)

Instead of insisting that he auditions, try to understand why he does not want to do it this time. Maybe he is burned out? Maybe it was not as much fun to him as you seem to believe?(I am not sugesting it wasn't, just trying to brainstorm:-) Maybe he would like to try other aspect of theatre, like working on sets or sounds, instead of acting? Gifted kids are naturally good in many areas, which does not necessarily mean that they are enjoying all of them.
Having said that, I have to be honest and say that Ghost, after performing in Willy Wonka (he was Mr. Wonka), could not wait for another role. But he had to wait a whole year. He was so sure that he is going to land the major role in Midsummer's Night Dream, that when he did not get to play Puck, he was very, very dissapointed (tears in his eyes big time). But the role he landed has opened him up even more, as he was playing one of the female characters, and he was spectacular. The whole gymnasium was loughing at his high pitched attempts to speak like a woman:-)

So Lorel, try to find out why your son is not exciting about this new production. There is a reason!

Ug, I suggest that you follow your gut on this one. I usually start with a long rehersal about all the times in the past when my judgement made a positive difference in his life, and remember how deeply you trust me...after a few minutes of that he says: "So you mean I HAVE too?" I think he'd rather take the direction then have to sit through the lecture.

Does he have a friend who is also trying out? Maybe that would sweeten the deal?

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Grandma-

Go ahead and razz, I don't mind! I am SO far from being a stage mother that it's funny to hear. I guess it's my lazy nature. My kids could be so much "further along" if I pushed them, but that's not my way. I want them to "own" their achievements and experiences, and I may in fact err more on the side of not doing enough for their development. Time and money are always at a premium too, and I am constantly juggling to try to do what I consider the bare minimum for each of my four.

I agree about your ideas on making choices.

Ania-

I appreciate your thoughts. Truly though, I believe it is just the fear of the unknown that is getting in his way. He can feel successful about his performance in the teen group production, but community theater is a big question mark to him. He's seen some productions there, and he knows the stage and seating, but the whole backstage world is mysterious and scary. Ds tends to be anxious before new things, but he is very quick to acclimate once he is there. Last night, for instance, I took him to visit a scout troop in a neighboring town, as he is about to cross over into Boy Scouts. He was very nervous beforehand, but about fifteen minutes in he joined the troop boys in their activities and by the time we left, he was laughing and joking with the other guys. We arrived home and he told Dad, "It was GREAT!" This is just so typical for him. I'm like this too, I think, but not as socially adept and so a bit slower to warm up to a new group.

I'm chuckling over your description of your son playing a woman. Was he the Fairy Queen?

Grinity-

I don't think any of his pals are trying out, but we can check around and see. That certainly would make it easier.

I think it's Medusa, isn't it? I'm still waiting for that hair I donated to grow back, so it's perfect for me!

Lorel - my DS7 is exactly like your DS. He will have a wonderful time doing something (soccer, a play, etc.) but then not want to do it again the next time it comes around. His problem is not wanting to leave whatever he is doing to go do the other thing. I have definitely given him gentle nudges when I KNOW it is going to be something he will really enjoy. And he always has after he has gotten there. Since you feel he will really enjoy this play I think a gentle nudge would be in order. If he is really,really, really resistant I don't know that I'd force it though. You don't want him turned off of the whole thing. My DS has never gotten really resistant so I haven't had to deal with that. I'm sure you know how far you can push him without upsetting him.

On a side note, I am getting ready to donate my hair too! It has gotten so long and I am ready to do it. Does this mean I should change my avatar too??? LOL!

Beware, EandCMom, as last time I asked for 12 inches to be cut and they took off closer to 18! Give the hairdresser a ruler if you're not positive that he or she will do it right.

My hair is very "springy" and if it is too short, it POOFS horribly. I need length to weight it down.

I changed my avatar, as I can see that staring at Medusa's head might not be fun for everyone. How do y'all like Henry VIII? "I'm Henry the Eighth, I am..."

EandC, good luck with your avatar search if you do decide to change. Maybe we can get Mr. Mark to provide us with a new selection?

Oooooh now I am scared. I will definitely take a ruler as I still want some hair left over for me.

I LOVE Henry VIII. He is one of my very favorite monarchs and I used to read just tons about him and all his wives. So I, for one, like it!

DD has been enamored of the Tudors since she was four and we ran across them in our history studies. She and I share books on them, and we both enjoyed Alison Weir's newest book, Innocent Traitor, which is all about poor lady Jane Grey. It was really fun to see dd at four (and she was petite) reciting, "divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived" in a singsongy voice.

Henry was reputed to be quite handsome in his younger days. It's a shame he let himself go, but maybe it was just desserts for his cruel treatment of his wives.

LOL, Dot, if I am closing in on Henry VIII as portrayed here, I need to get my stomach stapled pronto!