Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion How to handle the Santa issue?

I know a lot of people who don't do "Santa" at Christmas for various reasons. When my son was a baby, I always thought it was a fun, magical thing to do with him and it wouldn't be a big deal when he eventually learns the truth. I'm starting to think I was wrong. When we went shopping for Toys for Tots the other day, DS7 asked me why Santa doesn't bring toys for these kids. I was proud of myself when I came up with the quick answer that some of them were homeless and Santa doesn't know where to take the toys. Then he asked me why he can't figure out where they are if he sees everything. I've also noticed that I"ve drilled honesty into his head to the point that he gets extremely upset if he thinks someone is lying to him for any reason. Not to mention that he pointed out recently that reindeer can't fly and there is no way to visit every single kid in the world in one night. So I'm thinking the time is coming when he's going to figure it out, and I'm going to feel like a hypocrite for lying to him about it.
So how do the rest of you handle the Santa issue? Should I tell him the truth before he figures it out on his own? Or just let it go for now?

We are transitioning to defining Santa as "the spirit of giving"-- moving towards a "we are all Santa's hands" attitude. I'm hoping that this strategy will help there be no big traumatic moment. DS8 is already fairly suspicious, but willing to go along for now.

DeeDee

We do Santa at our house. At one point (when she was 5.5?), I suspected DD of knowing the truth, and inquired. She told me flat-out that she wanted to believe in Santa, and did not want me to ruin it with my questions.

Yeah, I am not sure we'll make it another year with Santa, but who knows. I think our transition will be easier than yours treecritter. When DS was younger (5?) he was convinced that he was going to Hogwarts when he turned 11. Eventually he figured out that there are fiction books and non-fiction. I suspect he'll eventually come to the same conclusion with Santa.

Our typical response is "what do you think" when asked about questions about Santa and related. And at our house you'll continue to get gifts from Santa for as long as you believe

JB

We've never done Santa (or Father Christmas, as he usually is here). That is, DS7 does have a stocking on Christmas morning (this is the one aspect of celebrating Christmas that we keep - otherwise, we celebrate Solstice instead), but we've always talked about the idea of its being Father Christmas who brings it as being a story. We still say things like "you have to go to sleep or Father Christmas can't come" but he's always known it's make believe, in the same way that we all know what we're doing when we talk about his imaginary friends. It doesn't seem to make it any less fun!

i don't know either!! it bothered me from the start to create an elaborate lie, all the adults actually in cahoots and plotting together to perpetuate this huge deception. I was old when i figured it out because i trusted the adults.

we were doing the Easter Bunny thing and my son got really upset. He said "i know it cant be TRUE but i just want you to TELL ME" He must have thought the adults had lost their minds.

So,i don't know where they stand on Santa right now but I feel like it's going to be a bit of a ****storm when that boot drops! I KNOW i am going to be called a big liar and all I can say is "Well, it was fun while it lasted, no?"

I just had a conversation about this with DS9. I asked him if he believed in Santa and he kind of hedged. Then I thought he was being fake-cute and I told him there was no Santa. Turns out he really was unsure! I just couldn't conceive of such a bright, logical 9 year-old buying into that story.

I'm OK with what I did but if I'd known he was unsure I would have allowed him a little time to think about it and discover it on his own.

I like your approach, ColinsMum

i think my 9 year old is unsure also but i think it would be from the "why would all the adults conspire this way" angle.

I questioned DS7 last year about Santa. After reading the "LOG" where it showed that most level 4-5s don't believe from a very young age. His answer? "I choose to believe in Santa" and off he ran.

Everyone in our families from the oldest to the youngest has a stocking and gets secret little treasures.
We always talked about the wonder and magic of St. Nicolas (Santa Claus.) Our family traditions involve a lot more Reason for the Season activities than the Jolly Red Elf but we have fun with both At 4, DS (now 11) wanted to believe but also wanted to participate in all parts of our celebration including finding the stocking gifts for others. He also had issues with the Toys for Tots collections and figured that if Santa was real, he wasn't very nice if he gave more to kids who had families that could afford their own gifts and less to those who needed help. So that lead us into the transition from a Real Jolly Red Elf to the magic of Santa and how for the season we all can show some of the spirit and have some of the fun. It also helped that we talked about how everyone should enjoy the Season the way they want to. If they want Santa to be Real then that is just fine. If they don't want to believe at all that is also fine. Everyone can participate in the way they feel comfortable. DS never looked at it as we had lied to him about Santa or the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy for that matter It was more as he gets older the way he participates in the Season changes and grows. Before, he had the easy part. Santa did all the work. Now he appreciates the time taken to make or buy something that took thought and care about the person getting it. His eyes light up when someone opens one of his treasure selections and can't figure out who was "santa" for it.
Hopefully, all will be well, and I wish everyone the best of the Season no matter what you celebrate