Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion 3 groups of HG parents of HG kids - a good model?

Oh, I get that. I remember when I joined YSP and a voice in my head said: "Someday your son will be in great shape, and you won't even be one bit interested in the whole topic of Giftedness." That's a nice though, but also why the Gifted Movement has had such a hard time taking off - the parents keep graduating!
I hope the big school news is good and does the trick. You have my total permission to be completely satisfied and wander off. ((wink))
If only!
((I'll catch you on the Grandparent side if that does actually happen!))
Grinity

I get so choked up reading this story. So glad they eventually found your vision problem and that you eventually asked your parents to have you tested, and so glad that you finally got the confirmation at the retesting. That may sound like I'm celebrating that you were 'better' than your friends - but I don't believe 'gifted' is better, I just totally GET how difficult it is to get honest feedback and what it's like to self doubt and self question.

Our culture has no safe way - no vocabulary - to talk about inate differences simply and clearly. Of coures no one can know another's potential. Of course more smart isn't the same as more 'good' or more likely to succede. But there is a part of us that is aware of each other's qualities that are tested on an IQ test, and that part needs a bone of validation once in a while. Otherwise we start making up elaborate explainations that aren't useful in navigating the world.

Good for you for stepping up for your kids when needed! It's painful but worth it!
Love and More Love,
Grinity

Group 2 all the way for both DH and I. DH to the point of severe depression. For both of us, having a child to shepherd through the educational system has helped us to identify better with our own lingering issue. But, advocating for the gifted but challenged in executive function is changing all of us into #1's.

I'm glad to hear elh0706 that DH is getting a better picture of reality, and hopefully that will help with the depression. Severe depression is such a difficult thing.

Be sure to post here in detail about the executive function challenges. There just might be a key idea waiting out there in someone's brain, waiting to help.

And yes, as much as I love how well schools work for ND kids, there is lots of interest in totally transforming the educational system in hopes of saving the US economy.

Smiles,
Grinity

I thought about this over the weekend. I'm still not sure what category fits. In K-8, I always got the message that I was different because I was smart. I never got the message that there was anything wrong with me. I was different in a good way. The school itself tried several different ways to deal with me -- grade acceleration, subject acceleration, independent study. Some of these efforts led to social isolation -- extra recess by yourself feels oddly like punishment. For the most part, they kept me relatively happy. (Category 3?)

As a teen, I struggled more. I went to a small Catholic girls high school. Academically, it wasn't horrible but it wasn't great. With a few minor exceptions, there were no academic challenges. I was the only student who signed up for AP Calculus and Physics so the classes weren't offered. I battled with perfectionism and felt like I was never allowed to make mistakes. At that age, being significantly different didn't feel like a good thing. I got sarcastic and arrogant. It was easier to feel different if I pushed people away before they could push me away. I knew my high school was not a good fit and saw college as my salvation. (Category 1/2?)

For college, I went to an Ivy League school. For the first time in my life I was "average" and had horrible study skills. I got my first "B" ever and had no idea how to deal with it. My first semester of college was one of the hardest periods of my life. Aside from the academic issues, socially I could not relate to my freshman dorm. By some weird quirk, my freshman hall was full of wealthy/trust-fund kids from the upper east side of Manhattan. My parents were scrapping to send me there while these kids complained because their dad only gave them enough money to buy an inexpensive new car instead of the BMW/Porsche that they wanted. Several of them abused cocaine. By Thanksgiving, I wanted to get away from what I saw as my academic "failure" and from that crowd.

Mercifully, I stayed and found a good group of friends in my second semester. Academically though, I felt like a fake. I figured out ways that I could game the system because I didn't have the time management skills to do all of the assigned work. I got mostly B's with the occasional A in subjects that caught my interest. I still managed to get in a scientific honor society but didn't feel like I deserved it. In many ways, I cheated myself in college often doing the bare minimum. Sadly, once the challenge was there, I did not rise to it. (Category 2?)

So, what kind of parent am I? I keep close watch on my kids and try to make sure that they are being appropriately challenged. I've got one who finds school, even the gifted program, easy. I think that she would be a candidate for grade acceleration but socially she doesn't want to do it. I've talked to her about not wanting to wait until college to be challenged. The other is a gifted dyslexic who understands hard work and perseverance much better.

I've found that their comfort in their current gt program is largely teacher dependent. They do best with the ones who don't adhere strictly to the district's pacing and curriculum guidelines. They've struggled the most with teachers who are less flexible and tend toward the punitive.

Knute974, you have certianly had a variety of experiences. I would have thought that a 'group 3' experience in elementary school would have a protective effect even if High School wasn't idea. It sure doesn't sound like it. In a way, you got to an Ivy Leauge school and were able to stay there in spite of a tough first semester. OTOH, you never developed the study skills or a belief in your ability to do the work. Do you share some of the dyslexia traits with your second born? That's another way people get a very confused self-image...
Luckily human development doesn't end at college, and I hope that since then, or soon, you get a better sense of what you can accomplish.

Good luck with your 'coaster' - I hope she gets lots of great teachers over the next few years!

Love and More Love,
Grinity

sorry for the very brief initial post! nutcracker season is really taking it's toll this year. With both kids participating, I am just wiped out! (they are fine, of course)

to your original question, I think I probably fall about 1/2 way between feeling that school was an ok fit (it was ok/good some of the time) and feeling that there was something wrong with me, but I think this latter is mostly due to many pointed comments from other kids about how there was something wrong with me!

dh is a firm group 1 guy, unfortunately, not sure how he made it through college. He is one of the extra-large egg heads, he was ok until about 3rd grade and then everything 'went to s**t' as he puts it. He has DEEP fears for ds10. So far ds' boat has not capsized, but come VERY close a time or two, to be sure. I think dh is beginning to see that we will just have to play everything by ear from here on out (like we have been). Not rely on the school ever getting it just perfect...well maybe Grad school.

...ex: I applied for ds to be re-reviewed for gt program on math side of things, but decided to just move ahead with algebra this year with him. (Really seems to be sparking his math brain back up, he is having fun!)

Grinity, no dyslexia for me -- that comes from DH. Life has taken many twists and turns since college and I am in a fine space. Your initial post addressed school experience so I didn't want to bore you with the details since then.

Sorry for the comment - I don't think the 'gentle teasing' I intended quite got across.
I think you got enough of a fit to have hope that school can work for HG and beyond kids. Glad that your DH has you to steady him when the fears arise. I loved that about watching the movie 'Waiting for Superman' - very early it says something like -

It was nice to be in a dark theatre and imagine that I wasn't the only one. Oh how my stomach used to churn during those drop offs!

Smiles,
Grinity

Mine still does. Even though in my heart, I know I'm doing everything possible for DS7 and he loves school, in my head I worry every day about what comes next? We are suffering through some anxiety right now regarding finals next week. He's never taken one before and the other kids in his classes have convinced him that they are impossible and that they are all going to fail. His anxiety instantly causes me to start second guessing myself, which doesn't put me in the best state of mind to support my son.

Then I tell him that I would never put him in a situation that he couldn't handle and he knows that to be true (so far) and it helps me to regain my sense that we are doing the best we can given the options.