Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Homeschooling when your child has school friends

DS stared grade 1 this year (for us, the academic year is the calendar year). Subject acceleration has been generally good although I don't relish the thought of renegotiating for the coming year. DS had been pleading to be home schooled and I've jumped in with both feet in preparation for next year. We are on the eve of sending in the application.

Which is why this came as a shock - DS made a close friend in school and is, for the 1st time, hesitant about homeschooling. Hes the sort who looks like he has tones of friends, but truth be told, he'd drop them in a heart beat in pursuit of his own interests. So while he has friends, he's not interested enough to keep them. This friend, he tells me, is different. I've made overtures to the parents for playdates, but I sense that they're not overly interested.

My gut feel is, kids can't choose their educational path as they don't have the life experience to do so. Having considered, I'm convinced homeschooling is best for us. He is young, he may switch classes away from his friend, they could have a fight and so on. He abhors the rigidity of school learning in any case. Yet I wonder if he'll start to regret, which could sow the seeds of discontent later. He has other "PE" friends, but no one close.

Has anyone pulled their child out of school when their child had friends? How is it like emotionally for the kid? My son is an only child. I'll be providing a lot of opportunities for him to meet friends, although that didn't work out well during our prior stint at homeschooling last year.

Can you pull your child out midyear if the friendship fizzles?
Although advocacy is grueling can a reasonable education be had at the school?
I would be tempted to stay in school for the sake of the real friendship as long as nothing else terrible was happening. These friendships can last a lifetime so its worth a bit of a wait. It is possible that the parents are unwelcoming because they are also EG and have basically given up the hope of finding social contacts. In time they may hear enough stories about your son that things change.

good luck
grinity

We homeschool after both kids went to public school kindergarten, and my kids have friends who attend public schools. One public-schooled neighbor (who was my son's friend friend while he was in public school) we see almost daily. I call him "my third son" because he's at our house so much. It hasn't been a problem.

If you're talking about someone who doesn't live within walking distance, then I'd still say that it is absolutely possible to maintain friendships with kids in other educational situations *if* you and the parents of the other kids are willing to make it work. It's more of a commitment, but if they attend the same neighborhood school now, then presumably the other kid doesn't live more than a few miles from your house. If you're willing to pick up and drop off the kid, what parent would say no to playdates?

Do you know the other family? Could you talk to them about your plans and explain that you want to nurture the kids' friendship? Most people will respond positively when you say nice things about their kids.

Personally, I would not recommend staying in a school situation that you feel is a bad fit for the sake of one friendship. My highly social son hasn't missed his old school. We still have playdates with his school buddies. It's working great. He's as happy as a clam.

Does your child have any homeschooling friends yet? That would help with the transition. We had one when we started homeschooling our first child (and had many more by the time we decided to homeschool the second one, of course), and more than anything that homeschooling friendship was a security blanket for *me*. It assured me that we wouldn't be all alone all day every day.

And just to be clear, my fears were way off base: we definitely weren't alone. My biggest problem with homeschooling the first year was that we were being social *so much of the time* that it wore me out! The kids did fine with it and made friends easily, but I was over-socialized and came to see that time alone was a need for me, and one that had to be balanced with the kids' needs for social time. But the kids did absolutely fine.

I'd explore the chances of keepng the friendship alive outside of school before changing your homeschooling plans. It isn't really that hard to do if the other family is up for it.

Tks for the suggestions and comments

Grinity, I wish school in the longer term could be tenable, but it isn't. It's the daily grinding down of my son's fervour for learning (and plain old zest for life) that convinces me. But yes - these are the very same thoughts that course through my mind. What if the friendship lasts a lifetime? You could be right about the parents. They're both doctors and rather introverted even for DH and I, and we're pretty introverted ourselves!

With that in mind, I think Kriston is right. I probably worry too much. For sure, I'll have to keep working on the parents. We made some small headway (it had to happen right after I posted) and I'm sure things will probably come along. DS has a bunch of "PE" friends, ie, people to play tag with, but no-one he'd clamour to meet up specially with.

On a separate note, it's always nice to hear how great the homeschoolers are doing and how things *need time* to fall into place. Tks for the encouragement!

Personally, and especially given that this child's family doesn't seem receptive to building the friendship, I wouldn't hesitate switching over to homeschool based on this alone. My son went to 2 years of PS and still has great contact with some PS friends. And has completely forgotten others. And has made other more meaningful friendships through other means (homeschool groups, atheletics, piano, etc).

I thought Kriston's post was great. I'd start working on outlets for homeschool. We tend to have the problem of too much social instead of not enough.

My DD also went to JK and made one great friend. Her friendship was the only reason I hesitated taking her out of PS. They see each other every weekend, without fail. In a way I think it has been really good for their friendship because they are so over the top excited to see each other and they really value their time together. They also do a couple of extracurricular activities together during the week. I agree with all of the posts so far. For my kids, HS opens up many meaningful social opportunities that they wouldn't have otherwise. I especially like Kriston's advice...



This is so true. I will bend myself out of shape when people say nice things about my kids !!!

Tks kimck. That's so true- casting my mind back to the previous year when we homeschooled, DS and were positively over-socialized. He ended up with no friends (that's what he needed last year) while I was completely frazzled by each weekend.

Annalisa, yep, I love that advise too. To us pretzels !

why not try some local hs groups (there are many that have their own yahoo groups) and maybe you can start to meet people that way. I definitely wouldn't base my decision to HS on one friendship. Try some local library programs with kids his age just for the interaction even. He'll be fine.

Tks bh14. We're having a taste of homeschooling right now - there's a short holiday happening here and he's jumping into the academics with relish. This is what he misses most during this year in school - the time and freedom to dive into anything he wishes. I absolutely can't wait as well.

I can appreciate that. My DC is in a traditional school and I always think.... we could be so much further ahead if we just HS'ed. It's amazing how much actual learning happens throughout the school day (between all the other things they do.) HOWEVER, if it wasn't for those other things, school would not be tolerable. We are happy right now with our current placement, but there isn't a day that goes by that I don't keep other sources in my mind for future reference.