Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Advocating Stinks

Hi,

This is my first post. I'm in a situation where I feel very alone, and I'm trying to figure out what to do.

I have one of those early readers who self-taught around 3, and really picked up steam by 4 along with an early and large vocabulary. So, I assumed. I have a bright kid.

In Kindergarten (he is the age youngest boy in the class), he was put in the highest reading group except it didn't feel like he was learning anything new. I complained. I was told he tested at the HIGHEST level they would assess in Kindy, but they were working with him on other things to keep him learning. It just wasn't stuff you could easily assess. I was frustrated, and I went to the reading specialist. I was told the same thing--he is learning. When I felt "unheard," I went the principal. Same thing...I got the "he is learning and challenged, don't worry about it."

Around spring of 09, I went and had him tested. He came back in the 99% in everything except one category where the test taker noted in his paperwork that he was complaining and didn't want to do the test because he said he felt "sick." In that one area on a subtest he was in the 50%. The tester felt this subtest was invalid. His overall iq ended up being (WISPI) 139 even with the uh-oh subtest.

Now, he is in 1st grade. He still hasn't been retested. I keep hearing next week, next week. I'm told he is fine, and I shouldn't worry about him being challenged. Then, I found out that the GT teacher pulls 10 kids out once a week for a special project, and my child wasn't chosen. (I did notice a few teachers kids when I saw them walking back from enrichment.)

I was so frustrated that I called a friend, and I started crying. Not to make this about me, but I suck as an advocate. I'm starting to doubt myself. Am I just one of "those" moms who thinks she has a bright kid, but doesn't. Do I really need to worry about it? I'm so confused.

In 1st grade, my kid is in a one-year above reading group and a one-year above math group. What gets me is that his reading group has lots of kids who learned to read in K. I guess this is is what teachers refer to as leveling out. Hold one kid back, teach the rest.

I'm thinking about hiring an advocate, but I can't seem to find one in my area who is for gifted.

I feel frustrated, defeated. I feel like I can't elicit change.

Then, I get the "guilt" of ...is this really that big of a problem? There are bigger problems in the world. Should this be such a source of frustration.

My son is starting to zone out in class, and his grades are starting to fall. The teacher said, "it is because the work is getting harder." But for him, I don't see that the work has gotten any harder. So now, advocacy is just going to get more difficult.

BTW, the school barely looked at his IQ and Achievement testing (showing 4 grades ahead in reading and 2 grades ahead in math). They basically discounted it all and said, "all our students are ahead because in our district we push."

Ugh, I feel so rotten. It is hard to feel frustrated with no power to change it.

My suggestion would be to start looking at your other school options. Can you homeschool? Are there any gifted schools Or Montessori around? Can you get the testing done again? If he qualifies for DYS there is lots of help there. Look for Gifted Parenting Groups too. Read as much as you can about gifted. Are there any gifted laws in your state? If you do something you will feel better.

This is hard. Hang in there. I struggled to get my son appropriate learning for 3 years at school. In the last year, after DYS counseler talk to the GT teacher, I realized this school is so far from understanding and will not meet his needs. Before this I kept thinking I have just not explained our situation well enough. I now drive my kids to a gifted school. My kids are happy again.

Good Luck to you.

I'm so sorry. Advocating can be so incredibly stressful (says the woman who has only had one teacher meeting) and it's so hard to do since there are so many variables.
Can your sons father help you out? Or maybe a well spoken friend? Can you write down all of the points you need to address and use notes during your meetings? Has the school seen his test results? Can you make them a binder with his results, his work, a sample of what he reads, etc?
Hang in there!

I've got a fourth grader in a new school and all I wanted was acceleration to fifth grade math - what is the big freaking deal? My son finshed the Harry Potter series before second grade and consistently scores in the 99th percentile in math. But it's like talking to rocks.

The culture at my son's school is strange. The moms are way over-involved in silly extras. Inm my son's class alone they are collecting for nine gifts this year - 3 each for the teacher and two special staff members. I don't mind a gifts for teachers/staff memebrs, but three each? Birthday gifts for grown, professional women? One of the volunteer opportunities is to bring a treat for the teacher every day for a week for teacher appreciation week. The class mothers have suggested that everyone should volunteer for at least two activities and yes, they are all during work hours and no, no fathers were included on the email list.

And this is at a school where the teachers can't even get it together to post the spelling words online - is it really that hard to connect the dots and realize the teachers need some help with stuff that will actually benefit the kids academically? Oh - and they lost a kindergartener. A child wandered off and they had to call the parents and say they couldn't find him. He was found eventually, but I didn't hear about it for a week because the method for alerting parents about emergencies is automated phone calls. Same as for an overdue library book.

I am also exhausted and the extra time my son has to spend deciphering what his homework is cutting into his reading time. He is a voracious independent reader of history and now he doesn't have time for it because he's busy doing worksheets that never get reviewed by a teacher.

Whew! That felt good!

I am trying to make a point that is relevant tp your situation - maybe it's hopeless and you should concentrate your energies on areas you can control. Keep your child supplied with high quality reading material. Have your son take up an instrument, or learn a language. And in the meantime, look for a different school.

I am sure others with far more experience will chime in with more positive suggestions, but I wanted to convey that I know where you are coming from and I know how frustrating it is.

Hate to admit it but I do not have the strength to continue to advocate. Nobody tells you how hard it is and how strong you have to be. I am satisfied CTY fills some academic void and hope emotionally things arent't so bad where I will be forced to intervene. Fingers crossed.

Glad you found this board and now you're not alone...you have us!
Have you written a formal letter to the principal yet? I liken it to dealing with the insurance company where you're just spinning your wheels until you give them something in writing. I would put specific requests in the letter: gifted pull-out, subject acceleration, etc. Here are some recommended readings to motivate you for the long haul:

Assertiveness and Effective Parent Advocacy
http://www.wrightslaw.com/info/advo.parent.sherrett.htm

What a Child Doesn't Learn:
http://www.gtamc.org/why-gifted-education-is-important

Quotes:
http://giftedissues.davidsongifted.org/BB/ubbthreads.php/topics/84137/Re_Daily_Quote.html#Post84137

So glad you are here! It does stink, let's say that up front The people on this board have been so super helpful so keep trying you will get there. If you are in a mandated state, you can go to your state board of education site and start reading up on gifted education. It's time consuming, confusing and draining AND every little bit you know helps your battle. I looked for an advocate too. None to be found so I've taken the last year and a half to research, ask questions and basically become my own.

I ran across a speech from a local businessman at a college of business gathering at our local university the other day. He was talking about the need for educated workers and how education at the beginning is the key.

He said, "Speak out! We are the people we have been waiting for!"

I don't know if he was quoting someone else or not, but that statement just stuck with me.

Repeat to yourself that you are not just a pushy parent who thinks that her child is bright. With IQ scores in that range, he is gifted. He does need more than the std classroom material.

Of course there are schools where a lot of the kids are hothoused and a lot of them perform above grade level. That does not make your child's 99th percentile scores irrelevant. It also does not make it likely that all of these "pushed" kids are performing at the 99th percentile.

You need to have a specific plan for what you are seeking and a back up plan that you are fully willing to implement if they say no. Like others have said, I'd be looking at the following:

1) Do you have other schooling options? Being willing to change schools or homeschool may elicit willingness to work with you on the school's behalf if they are motivated to keep him.

2) Ask for subject acceleration in language arts and inclusion in this pull-out group. Don't do it in a wishy-washy way. Put it in writing with supporting documentation (his test scores).

3) Request a meeting with the GT coordinator and bring someone with you (dad, advocate, etc.) Should you happen to live in Northern Colorado, pm me and I'll come help you be the advocate .

You are definatly not alone in this. We all have been there. It took me a loooong time to get the grade skip I pushed for, DD9 just started this week in 5th.

We are all exhausted. It really just comes down to wearing them down sometimes. Keep pushing forward.

Momma Bear,
The quote is from the Poem for South African Women by Jones, June:
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/poem-for-south-african-women/