Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional Aspie moment

So,
I think this moment yesterday clearly marks me as an Aspie, diagnosed or not. We had left the house and were in the car. We planned to go shopping and have lunch, not necessarily in that order. I had a 2 PM meeting and it was 11:30 AM. So, suddenly about 80 feet from an intersection onto a busy street, DH starts saying how we don't have time to do both, that we should just grab lunch and go to the grocery store after the meeting. He tells me that if I really want to we can still try it, but we would have to move fast.

My brain locked. It is the only way I can think of describing it to someone who doesn't experience it. It was like someone tried to shift gears on a manual transmission car, but forgot to press the clutch, so all that happened was the engine stalled. I'm stressed by the fact we have to turn, and there is no time to make a decision. I'm stressed that I am being asked to make a decision when all of these issues just got thrown on top of me. I'm upset that he doesn't just make a decision. And I'm frustrated that he seems frustrated at me, when he just dumped all this on my lap. I finally came up with an alternate that seemed reasonable to me (lets go to Wal-Mart, it's closer and we can buy some things). And he seems more annoyed.

Of course, it ended up with a bad moment. But, I guess...for those of you who don't know what your AS kids experience, I figured I'd try to describe it. That moment when your brain is floundering and real speech is impossible until you get it working again is a very real moment, and the painful thing is you're aware of what's happening the entire time.

That is frustrating.

For what it is worth, I have not even a tiny hint of Asperger's. I understand the criteria and it doesn't apply to me even a bit. And, I feel much as you described when asked to make a decision near an intersection. I suspect it is probably pretty normal for a lot of people.

Thank you, that helps at lot. My son is diagnosed, my father is not, but obviously has AS. My mother has told me I have always been a lot like my son. I figure at this point, I probably have it. But I keep trying to figure out what that means. I wonder if it really means that I learn how to do social things much older than others because I teach them to myself. Right now, I feel like I am understanding small nuances of things that many people noticed ages ago, but I think as an adult it doesn't seem as odd because of the age homogenity. Anyways, I watch my son become frustrated, unable to speak, and stressed and I know that is a moment like the one I had at the curb.

Artana, You describe what happens to my son exactly. He locks up like a computer. Or he overflows when people keep putting stuff in his inbox faster than he can put it in his outbox.

I don't have that really at all. I live for changes in plans, strangely. I would get excited if my husband spontaneously said for us to get a quick bite to eat so we make it there on time. I am a plan-ahead type person, but I still love changes. My son is a plan-ahead type and does NOT like changes. But we teach him that changes are part of life, and I'm hoping he handles it better than other Aspies since we are so aware of it. We are his safety net also. Nan

My son with AS does go into vapor lock like that, and you can see him vibrating like an overfull washing machine for a while as he processes out of it.

However, he also adores some kinds of change. If we could travel to a new place every day, he wouldn't mind a bit. Go figure.

DeeDee

I'm the same way. I just had a conversation on the phone with a female friend who is married to an AS man. Both he and I like spontaneous travel, and I was trying to resolve why. My thought goes something like "If it's spontaneous, I don't know what to expect. Because I have no expectations, I also don't have loss of expectations when we do something random on the way." I'm not sure that's the whole of it, but it does feel very freeing to be outside the constraints of a really well-planned trip.

Things like that happen to me, but I'm never sure if I should attribute them to my 2e issues or if things like that happen to everybody.

That sounds like what has been happening to me lately and my last job was an executive assistant. I used to have plans and contingency plans. I was always on time. My ability to prepare for things that might happen made me a more valuable employee. I just read this from my last appraisal the year before my son was born and I had to quit my job: "these tasks require enormous concentration and organization. Mistakes can result in the loss of federal and state dollars." My boss wrote "it is a difficult and time-consuming task with little margin of error." She said I did a tremendous job. She also said I "prioritized my time well."

If anyone "should" be able to handle my life it's me or the old me anyway. What happened? I had too many things happen at once. Too many things dumped in my lap. There is no way to really make plans now because too many things are beyond my control. It is a horrible feeling. There is no safety net and I can't get that out of my mind. There are solutions, but none of them seem like good ones so it is a choice between bad and less bad and I change my mind daily on which is the least bad so I am stuck with these thoughts swirling in my mind and not getting anywhere when I need to be even more focused and organized than I ever was because I need to homeschool my twice exceptional son.

I don't think I'm an Aspie, but I was and still am a very sensitive introvert. It really bothers me when I can't do a good job at whatever I am doing and I feel like a failure when I just shut down. Having a husband annoyed with me would absolutely make things worse. My husband, a former first sergeant and now a manager, did not seem to understand what was happening to me when my mother got sick. He just saw that I was home all day and with all that time I should have been able to handle everything with no problem and his remarks sometimes caused me to shut down, but he has become more understanding in the last few years and it helps.

My son doesn't get upset about changes in plans because our plans usually change due to circumstances beyond our control. He is used to it. If we are late to something like acting class for a reason that we don't want to tell anyone about, my verbally gifted son can deal with the questions without really telling them anything by making a joke or comment about something else to get their attention off of him and people don't get mad at him for being late. I just get stressed about it and can't think of anything to say except "Sorry I'm late" which makes me look like I just don't manage time well.