Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Advice for perfectionist super-sensitivities?

DS6 has always been a perfectionist when it comes to art. He rarely colors or draws because it doesn't come out the way he envisions it, and this has been ongoing since he was a baby. Of course, since he has very little interest, he rarely practices and his work is very basic.

This week, he is taking an art class with his co-op from a local artist. It is a boys-only class, and they're drawing Star Wars and How to Train Your Dragon characters. Yesterday was a blast, and for the first time ever, he was very excited about art.

Today, his excitement plummeted. He came home very disappointed because the boys were all complimenting each other's pictures, and "nobody said anything nice" about his. 8 of the other boys are older, and 1 is a few months younger. What really upset him was that the little one's picture "really was better" than his, too.

We've had the usual discussions about 1) everyone has different talents, and there are numerous things he can do better than the others (he's the only GT in the group); 2) other children love to draw and practice every day, whereas he is new to this; 3) as long as he is happy with his art, that's all that matters..... you name it.

Then, what really struck me is that he didn't want to tell his dad about this. When I prompted him to do so, he blew it off and claimed he was just joking. (They have a very close relationship, and DH is amazing at saying the right thing, so I'm wondering if this is a new "manly" thing not to tell Dad.)

Anyhow, I feel so bad about his supersensitivities, but I also recognize that we have to help him get over this. Any suggestions?? Thank you!

Could you do a phone consult with Dr. Amend through DYS?

My dd has been more willing to make mistakes and take risks since she started OT - she has some coordination and SPD issues. She is just more at ease in her body now. Fingers crossed that her new confidence survives going back to school in the fall.

Grateful- this is another area our boys are similar! We have been dealing with strong perfectionist tendencies, even down to calling himself stupid or actually hitting himself in the head.

I heard somewhere you can get a presentation from Dr. Amend online that talks about rewriting the script in their heads. I will see if I can find it and PM it to you. It was helpful for me to reframe how we were looking at it.

The other thing I suggest that has been huge for encouraging him to push through the "my art sucks" times is to frame it and hang it up on the wall when he's not looking. I framed one for my parents too and they hung it up. The pride overwhelmed the perfection quite easily :-)

Thanks! I'll ask our FC about Dr. Amend.

CAMom, I tried a variation of your suggestion this morning to great success! I photographed his art and put it up on my FB page so friends and family could comment. (I also sent a separate email sociliting praise). The slow smile that spread across his face was priceless, and he was thrilled to head off to camp again!

Of course, he came home upset because he wants to play with the 4th graders instead of the 5-7 year olds, and his feelings got hurt by the big guys because they think he's little. *sigh* Another day, another issue with the age/peer issue. Sometime I"d love to hear more about whether yours deals with this where he is, too.

Thanks!

I have no good advice regarding perfectionism, as I suffer from it and DS7 suffers even more than I.

However, one thing that you might want to look at is a book called "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain". It is a pretty simple course that can vastly improve art skills in just about anyone. I recently checked it out at the library in the hopes of getting DS7 interested in trying it, but we just didn't have time right now. I did some of it myself many years ago, and it's quite interesting. It's about changing the way you see things to make it easier to get them down on paper. I loved the "negative spaces" part in particular--you try drawing a chair, like a wooden kitchen chair for example, and normally they give you fits because of the perspective of the legs; then you draw the same chair by not drawing the actual chair, but the spaces around it. It's amazing to find that you can do a good rendering of anything requiring perspective that way--by drawing the "not-chair", so to speak.

Anyway, I sure know how your guy feels, because I've always hated that things don't come out the way they look in my head; perhaps I should have done more of the course in the book.