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I guess my DD is bossy. I took my 5yo and 3yo to lunch at a fast food restuarant for lunch and their playground. My 5yo was trying to get the kids to play a certain way and there was a little 2/3yo who didn't understand what they were doing and came down to his mom. The mom sitting right next to me said something to him to the extent that my DD was being bossy. I was taken aback. Yes, I guess my DD is "bossy", she wants to get everyone involved in playing a game or pretend to do something. She is always coming up with elaborate pretend play situations and wants to play with others.

I come home and google bossy kids and this pops-up, which got me thinking.

http://giftedkids.about.com/od/socialemotionalissues/qt/bossy_kids.htm

I guess I had never really thought too much about it, and never really attached the word Bossy to her. I think I did all the wrong things on the ride home (according to the article).

Any advice.

I could've written this 2 years ago!

My older DS started preschool at 3 years, 3 months. The first week, he came home crying every day that the other kids wouldn't play with him. He had close friendships with his playgroup (all 1 year older), so I knew he had strong social skills. When I finally asked the teacher, she explained that he was trying to direct screenplays (at the time, Lion King) on the play structure, and kept trying to give the other kids parts and lines. As she put it, he was being very friendly, but "the other kids were simply 3 and could barely talk, so they had no idea what he was doing." He didn't realize he was being bossy, since he played that way all the time with us or older friends.

We just suggested different ways for him to play with those children, and then encouraged that creativity when he was with a different crowd. Since then, he's naturally gravitated towards friends who think/play like he does, and those playdates give him that outlet. He's also now mature enough to realize that when he's with a different set of kids, he just adapts to whatever the group as a whole is doing. It all flushed out, and at 6, most of the bossiness is gone.

When someone else doesn't like being told what to do, they call the other person bossy.

But really, your kid is just a kid and was trying to do something. Although she may not have realized the other kids didn't want to do it, or didn't comprehend. Not your kid's fault -- really, she is only 5.

Your 5yo probably may prefer to play with someone older who will understand the elaborate playing she is doing. Don't take to heart what the mom of the 3yo says.

Thanks so much for the replies. Yes, DD loves to re-enact movies and shows. She loves to organize everyone and give them a part. I didn't know what to do. Part of me was just shocked that another mom would call my child bossy right in front of me.

No no .. she used the loop hole for calling your child bossy. The talk to your child method; where it is perfectly fine to explain how another child is bossy or selfish or whatever right in front of the other child's parent.

I've seen this method used on numerous occasions and still don't understand how a parent could be that insensitive. I always feel for the parent and the child they are talking about.

And thanks for the link for bossy. I, too, have a fairly bossy kid. When we go to the playground she is always trying to act out whatever is in her imagination and gets frustrated when the other kids just don't get it. Interestingly enough, while at school I don't see this side of her or at least haven't heard about it. I know she has a few close friends there that are clearly gifted themselves and they just get her and have no problems playing in her way. That really helps.

Interesting link! We've been on the other side of the issue more since DD always gravitates towards older girls at the playground. Normally they want her to play a complex game and sometimes she gets it, sometimes not. I always just stand back and watch because I figure if she didn't want to try and hang around that girl she'd just walk away. The only time I've ever interceded was when one girl pushed DD over because she didn't understand what the girl said...

I've seen some bossiness in my DD8 and have thought a lot about it, and I kinda think, in her case at least, her bossiness is a result of several years of being grouped with kids who didn't know as much as she did (before grade acceleration). I think when other kids were learning things in class, she already knew them. And this put it in her head that she knew things other kids her age didn't know, and that if she wanted to play with these kids she would have to explain things. It's like empathy (like many of our kids have so much of) but just not always necessary or accurately aimed. Interestingly, we have neighbor kids (three of them, all siblings) who are all very bossy, but for them it seems more like they're always used to getting their way when they play with others, and if they don't they change the rules or quit playing. So, I guess what I'm saying is that there are different reasons for bossiness and it might be helpful to figure out the reason for the bossiness and make changes (e.g., remind my daughter that she doesn't have to "teach" her friends things) or not, as necessary.

Also, I wanted to totally agree that it was ridiculous for the other mother to "scold" you by talking about your child to her child. I HATE when mom's do this! It's so competitive! ((HUGS))

My DD who turned 4 in May has been bossy since three, but unfortunately, I do not have any advice. One of the main things I am working on with her is to soften her approach with other children and to let others lead or at least take their reluctance to play a certain game with more grace and not try to tell them what to do even more vigorously. She even tries to take over circle time at school. Sorry, no advice, but at least you know you are not alone. Although it may have been hurtful to you when the other mom said your DD was bossy, I wouldn't worry about that label too much: it just means she likes taking charge and is confident. I'd rather have that than a child who didn't have confidence and who could be easily led which could translate to problems as she got older and gave in to peer pressure. Many children go through bossy periods at this age and a gifted child often wants to lead.

My DD12 was also very "bossy". I did not know anything about gifted stuff at the time when she was pre-school age. I remember feeling really embarrasses by her trying to get the children to role play the latest books that she was into.... She had no idea that they were not into to those books. She also had really elaborate rules for games she would make up. I think I did all the wrong things according to that article and had no idea. I think its good that you have some ideas from which to work. There was a girl near my DD's age who was really visually artistic. She would follow all my DD's rules etc. as long as she could add color and make things beautiful. She had not read the books but it seemed to work. This "bossy" behaviour did serve her well as she was the vice-president of her school in 5th grade (only 6th graders were allowed to be President).

I am so glad that I am not alone. It is very interesting to read all the other examples. Some sound so much like DD. It is hard to figure out what to do, if anything.