Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Any 'empty nest syndrome' with younger siblings?

Dear Ones,

Here's an odd question, but this weekend I was looking through old photo albums of my younger brothers and was taken aback at the bitter sweet feelings it brought up. I'm the oldest, and although I put lots of energy into loving and gaurding my younger sibs, I in no way could be said to have 'raised them.'

Still, looking back at the pictures, I was filled with longing for them 'as children' and the 'old days.' It didn't help that we were cleaning out my parent's house, so that my Dad can move, now that my Mom is passed. I guess I connected to her by watching out for the younger children, and now that she is gone, it feels as though I am the only one who remembers them as tender babies, and coltish tweens. There was so much sweetness there.

I don't miss my son at age 3 or 7...so I wonder what is different, and I think it was that I was so uncomfortable socially at school, and my brothers were my 'gifted cluster.' Even though they were younger, I could play with them without being self-consious.

These are things I've never thought about before...have any of BTDT with stories to share?

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I love seeing my kiddos growing into young men, getting taller, driving, becoming independent...but I definitely miss my little boys who need me or just want to hang out and read stories or play board games. My youngest is 8 but we joke that he's a frustrated 23-yr old stuck in an 8 yr old's body. This past weekend we took kids to an amusement park and it was so strange that DS8 had tears trickling down with fear of the biggest roller coasters--DH & I forget that he's just a little boy sometimes because he's so "old" in many ways.

Well my mom had a home daycare growing up and one little boy I helped take care of growing up since he was a baby I felt that way about when I moved out and got married at 19, I missed him and tacking care of him when he was little so much. I consider him being like a little brother to me. I also babysat him on most weekends at his families house. After I had my own babies, it went away though.

I think my daughter may be experiencing a little empty nest syndrome. My son is 18 years younger than she is and has a different father. My daughter didn't get along with her stepfather and moved out shortly after my son was born, but called her "little bubba" every day, sometimes 4 or 5 times a day because she really enjoyed talking to him. She gave him advice and he reciprocated with his own advice for her. For the last several years he has talked to her on speaker phone while he does things on the computer, so I could hear their conversations. I loved listening to them. It was one of those things that made parenting worthwhile. I especially loved listening to their verbal sparring matches. They were hilarious with my son, a self proclaimed word nerd, often winning.

But my son and I just spent a week with my daughter at her apartment in Dallas. Now that my son is going through puberty she thinks he sometimes acts like a brat, and well, sometimes he does but he usually apologizes for it later. She didn't realize how difficult it was for us to get anywhere on time or do all the things she had planned. We had to work around headaches, foot pain, and the brace. She didn't get enough sleep because he kept her awake half the night and she had to go to work the next morning. I know she was tired when she yelled at him that she was never having kids because she could never deal with all of this. He wondered if she no longer liked him because of his disability. It really upset him. It upset me. That apartment seemed very, very small that day, but we got through that day and the next day was better. My son chooses to remember only the good times we had, so much so that he is telling me that he would rather live with his sister because he hates living in our small town with nothing to do and no friends his age that are like him. When I reminded him of the things I had tried to do to help the situation, I was told that none of it worked and that being with me all the time was boring. He said he would gladly give up the new hot tub for a better social life. The little boy I knew never would have said that.

So that empty nest syndrome is kicking in for me too. I have kept a lot of things from when he was younger. I try to hold on to the happy memories.