Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional It breaks my heart...

Also would not go to an OT for a diagnosis since from what I understand (or what we were told by the school board OT) is an OT is not supposed to make any kind of medical diagnosis - they are supposed to assess and tell you what they find and then how to help it and a plan of acton but they are not supposed to give a medical diagnose...you are to take their assessment results to a doctor and they will diagnose along with their own assessments....not sure if this is totally true or not since I don't believe a word that comes out of the people we have had to deal with at the school level but - I would make sure to see a specialist if you are concerned

Thanks everyone.

Poor little Bear has been through so much testing at this point. He does have a definite diagnosis of SID and I've had three unrelated professionals tell me he isn't on the autistic spectrum (although I'm watching that one as he gets older). I've had so many places tell me: yes, there is something wrong and no, we can't help you right now. Even had the school district tell me that almost as soon as he hits school he'd get an IEP if he continues like he is, but that there is nothing they can do now since he isn't autistic or speech delayed or motor delayed or etc...

We actually don't go to Music Together to find friends. Friends are a very specific and rare commodity for Bear. He has one boy his age that he gets along with well and I think that is mainly because that boy has a nerve issues that makes him unable to walk. Due to that he's a lot more "in his head" and imaginative than most kids their age. He also doesn't do much in the way of sudden movements!

The reason we started the class was because we knew Bear would have to function in groups eventually and this was about the gentlest introduction we could come up with. Add to that the fact he is very musical I still think it's a good thing for him. He likes the classes for the most part while he's there, just the movement parts throw him. He's gotten SO much better since we started last year. We almost quit the first after the first session we did. He wouldn't take his shoes off or let go of me for the entire session.

It just hurts me that he has such a strong reaction to other people at such a young age. We've done everything we can to help him be comfortable with people.

Social anxiety is part of what I'm really concerned about since it runs in the family (me). You could have been describing Bear, MoN, although he isn't quite as bad at the playground if his brother is around.

Your son sounds a lot like my DS6. He still prefers to be at home with only us (he also has been telling us that since age 3 if not earlier), and he still wants me to stay with him at birthday parties. His anxiety didn't change much throughout preschool but it has gotten better in kindergarten. He had a hard time transitioning to full-day school, and his "school self" is very different from his "home self" as best as I can tell (he says little about school at home), and we think he will always have social anxiety (which also runs in our family). But it is clear when I see him with his K classmates that he is very comfortable with them and has matured a great deal socially this year. He will actually leave my side at a playground nowadays, even if unfamiliar children are there... and definitely no problem if his classmates are there.

So there is hope. DS6 has no particular diagnosis other than being HG/PG/whatever you want to call it. His preschool teachers wondered about sensory integration problems but his ped didn't think so; yet now that we have a second child we can see a big difference in their reactions to stimuli, so maybe he does have a touch of that. Still... he was very like your son at 3 and is now handling "big school" well, so we can hope you will see the same with your DS.

Oh -- and yes, definitely he is an introvert; that is no surprise at all though. We wouldn't know what to do with an extrovert around here. ha.

I feel for you: DS has very minor social troubles by comparison, and that's hard enough.

I just wonder, did you think about a Suzuki violin class? If you think he's likely to have long-term difficulty with groups and finding friends at school, I would suggest nudging him towards an orchestral instrument, or voice, in due course - school and university orchestras and choirs are IME a great way to spend time with people without a lot of the stuff that makes that stressful, and it can make all the difference.

Sounds like my ds, now 9. He has often done the 'edge of the crowd' thing, sometimes just doing his own thing, sometimes more like circling to observe the group. He loves to move around, for one thing. He doesn't care too much about the order of things, but children's loud talking/mild misbehavior makes him very very upset sometimes, anxious that everyone will get in trouble. Doesn't like loud places either.
A major difference is that my ds was always always wanted to be in a crowd of people and have lots of friends. Our neuropsych said that there are folks who want a lot of friends and to be at the center of things and they are at the center of things, then those folks who don't want the crowds/tons of friends, and tend to avoid it, and that works for them (possibly your ds' situation). My ds is a less than ideal mix of these - finds it hard to connect with people, really really wants to be at least 'mildly' popular.

If his mood generally seems happy it might not be anxiety so much as just desire for quiet and a few excellent friends, instead of many (loud) acquaintances...that is one characteristic of of adult gifties, fyi.

But you are very right to keep an eye on things. 3.2 may not be entirely too young for some group counseling focused on the ins and outs of playing with other kids; have you looked at social skills groups? (might be an option if you continue to be concerned )

Hugs to your and your ds!

Sadly, that is just how it is for many people of all ages.

Perhaps it is better to allow him to play with older children until he gets more emotionally mature. It's so hard to remember that a lot of our kids are much younger in their emotional maturity than their intellectual maturity.

Best Wishes,
Grinity

Thank you everyone!

Wyldkat- I just want to say I'm sorry this is so hard. My DS has had some hard times socially too. (not the same situation but I can empathize) I hope you can find some time to give yourself a break that will help you. Hugs.

Wow, our children are so opposite. It is because of children like your son that I really worry about my DD who is loud, invasive, and all over the place and things like that. Sorry your little guy is overwhelmed in some situations (that is how I interpret it). I am still wondering what is going on with my daughter so I am of no help there, but I wanted to let you know that I am wishing you the best and the best for your little guy.