Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy here's a switch...

I have a student in my kindergarten class who's obviously gifted, but in a bit of a strange way. She isn't ahead at all academically, but her giftedness comes across in the way she approaches tasks and everyday interactions. For example, when I was showing her how to play a ring toss game one day, she watched the way I stood and put her feet in exactly the same positions before she threw. Another time, she got hold of my glasses and instead of trying them on like most kids would, she asked me what I saw without them.

Of course, after noticing things like this on virtually a daily basis for a few weeks, I decided to talk to her mother about getting her tested. I asked our principal to have the conversation for me when I realized that the mother's English might not be good enough for her to understand what I was saying. Imagine my surprise when the other day, the principal came back to me and said "So, they know their daughter's gifted, but they don't want her tested because they think that once she gets any idea she's special in any way, she'll become like a princess and start thinking she's better than everyone." (Yes, the "princess" bit is a direct quote from the mother.) My comment was that this is roughly equivalent to saying "Oh yeah, I know my kid's dyslexic, but don't help him!" But the principal told me to let the matter drop so we don't appear "pushy".

I'm used to it being teachers who think that so-called "social needs" (which they think they understand, but almost never do) have to come before intellectual ones, but here I am on the opposite side of the classic situation: I'm a teacher having to deal with a parent who doesn't want us to do anything for her daughter, or even acknowledge her abilities, because "it will be bad for her socially".

Thankfully, I know I can continue to differentiate subtly and challenge this student intellectually, as I've been doing from the start. But it just drives me crazy that a parent can make such a boneheaded decision, one which will possibly cause her daughter serious harm in years to come, and I just have to accept it.

Thank goodness she has a teacher like you now. Do you have any say on where she gets placed next year so she has another great teacher??? I hope so for her sake! Nan

We're a tiny school - 27 kids, four teachers - so there are no options for where they go, but thankfully I know that at least she'll still be in a small class with a teacher who can give her what she needs and I'll still get to interact with her quite a bit. Most of what I do to push her intellectually is outside of class time anyway - I think she probably learns a lot more at the lunch table than she does at her desk.

Hi Zhian,

I noticed that your location is Germany... Just curious, is your experience with this particular girl's parents typical in Germany? Even if she is identified, what kind of resources and/or opportunities are available for the gifted?

The feeling about education in Germany is definitely more "standardized" than in the States. There are no charter schools, private schools are rare and a lot of people are uncomfortable with them, and homeschooling is illegal. The only choice is between different types of high schools: Hauptschules (the least academic), Intermediate Schools (does just what it says on the tin), and Gymnasiums (means nothing like the English word - they're the top schools, preparing students for university). Gymnasiums don't really provide for gifted students; some aren't competitive at all and those that are take a lot of people who aren't gifted (and turn away plenty of gifted underachievers). So in general, there isn't much for a gifted child in Germany. All this suggests to me that culturally, it might be considered a bad thing for a child to be singled out as gifted, even though it's a source of pride for a child to be a high achiever and be accepted to a gymnasium.

My school, which is a very small international school (a very new concept in Germany), would basically have the opportunity to provide whatever we thought was necessary to a gifted pupil (as long as it didn't mean spending too much money). Since I'm the only person on staff with any experience or knowledge in working with gifted children I offered to take several hours of my non-teaching time every week to work with her should she be identified. Wasn't expecting it all to be moot, I guess.

the little girl is so lucky to have you.

Maybe you can model some "self-advocacy" for her and as she gets older she will bring her parents along...

Good for you for being "that" teacher!

Maybe the mother will come around ... denial is not unheard of, even on this board. Is the girl an only child? Maybe, as the mother gains more comparable information about her child vs. age peers, the dawn will break.

I have read quite a bit lately about cultural backlash among parents of gifted children in America, particularly among black and hispanic groups. I feel terrible for those children, who must feel so lonely and even disloyal.

Thanks, zhian! Good luck with this little girl. Totally agree that she is so lucky to have you! Where can we find more of you for our kids?

She's not an only child, but the oldest. Maybe as her brother gets older....

Growing up, I dealt with a lot of adults who were in denial about my giftedness and were never honest with me, and it's really not a good thing in the long term. It took years for me to be comfortable with being gifted and all that meant. I really hope she doesn't have to go through that.

As for wanting more of me, well, there aren't any (unless that cloning vat in my bathroom closet is finally working), but if I ever manage to wade through the mountain of paperwork it takes to get a green card, some gifted school in your part of the world will hopefully end up with the original....