Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Discipline Book Recommendation

It's not so much about giftedness, but I felt like the knowledgeable parents here can offer me some good advices.

Children like to imitate, but DS15mo takes imitation to a new level.

Earlier this week, DS pushed the air purifier down on the floor. I put him in his portable crib for a timeout for that. Yesterday, he was trying to push the air purifier down again. After I told him no, he continued to push the air purifier down. I then threatened him with a timeout. He stopped right the way. Little did I know, he was going to play the same trick on me later on.

Today, DS threw my calcuator on the ground while playing with it, so I took the calculator away. He cried and screamed about it to no avail, so he decided to "treaten" me. He hit his head and sucked on his thumb, which are two bad habits he quits a while ago. I cannot believe he was doing those things to demand the calculator back. He did it again after I told him he couldn't watch TV.

I would appreciate any book suggestions about how to discipline young children.

Awwww, he's just a baby. I'd really advise against attempting to "discipline" a child of that age. There is a big difference between being able to understand what behaviors are expected and being able to control your own behavior, and the gap is even greater for gifted kids (who understand sooner, but can control themselves later).

I haven't read it, but I think Playful Parenting might have some good distraction/redirection strategies that you could use in place of punishment.

Lol, I think you've just had one big lesson - with a bright child, many standard techniques are just not going to work! Best to establish that you're both on the same side, rather than fight battles many of which you can't win. My two top recommendations would be:
http://www.amazon.com/Unconditional-Parenting-Moving-Rewards-Punishments/dp/0743487486
- this is a "why" book;
http://www.amazon.com/How-Talk-Kids-Will-Listen/
- this is a "how" book. I think both are great books, *especially* for children with advanced-for-their-age reasoning skills.

Thanks for the suggestions.

no5no5 brought up an interesting point. I never thought of DS as not be able to control his behaviors. I know he can understand what we are saying to him, so I just assumed he could do it as well.

I don�t want to �discipline� DS per se, but I want to set clear boundaries earlier on that we can both follow.

You are so 'in trouble' there dear. I believe. I believe.

I don't want to give you the impression that there is anything 'wrong' with your child - just that some kids are harder to raise than other kids, and you've got an extra helping of 'hard work' ahead of you on your plate. One of my dearest friends keeps telling me that some of the best adults where the difficultest children.

Here's my current favorite - but I think you are going to need more than a book. Try this website http://energyparenting.com/,
and their books

Transforming the Difficult Child - Book
The Nurtured Heart Approach is an amazing set of strategies developed specifically for children with ADHD and other challenging behaviors to facilitate parenting and classroom success. The book is written to take readers through the entire process of learning this remarkable approach and it has a wealth of explanation and examples.

and
Transforming the Difficult Child Workbook: An Interactive Guide to The Nurtured Heart Approach
The Nurtured Heart Approach, that is the basis of the top selling book on ADHD, Transforming the Diificult Child (1999) by Howard Glasser and Jennifer Easley,

and a phone coach - I reccomend this one - she 'gets' those 'old souls' who seem born wanting 'not to be messed with.'

Gabrielli LaChiara

15 McClure Street
Amherst, Massachusetts
Website: http://gabrielli.org

In the meantime, I reccomend you polish up your acting skills. If you son sees that the thumb sucking and head banding get any kind of rise out of you - you know what will happen.

Practice saying: 'I'm trusting you to handle your strong feelings wisely.' with a little confident smile.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Thanks for the info, Grinity.

I agree that it will take lots of hard work on our parts to raise DS right.

I expected him to throw a tantrum after not getting his way, but I just wasn�t ready for �mind games.�

Is it normal for a 15-month-old to do that?

Maybe not normal for some kids - definitely normal for others.

I can't remember the name of the book, but we ran across one that uses counting. Basically, you count when they disobey and they get a time out at 3. One minute for each year of age, or something like that. One of the things about it is that when you start the count, the kids figure out that it isn't a game anymore. My kids had trouble telling when dad was joking or not. Counting eliminated that.

Also - you are on a gifted board and I assume you think there is reason to think your child is gifted. If so, the early years can be really challenging. Consistency about the rules is critical - but so is finding a new angle to help them to understand those rules. The same old thing never worked for us more than a week when they were young. We called it the trick of the week.

Among other things, with our kids, we learned that we had to view them as a whole rather than just look at the incident that was causing a problem. The root of the problem might well have been a vocabulary word that they didn't understand, or a question that had gone unanswered, or the need for physical or mental exercise.

Anyway - don't know if that helps at all.... But yes, mind games are normal for some kids....

Mary

1.2.3 Magic, Mary?

I liked that book, but it left us 'lopsided' - sure, I never do what he wants because he is tanturming, but how about getting him to do things I think are worth doing, but he doesn't?

We ended up giving DS a nintendo DS at age 6 so that we would have something to take away. We granted him 30 minutes of playing time per day, and when he wouldn't do what we said before the count of 3, he would loose 5 mintues. This was often enough to get to the tears, so he could cry and release what ever was blocking him from being his normal, cooperative self.

I've been on the look-out ever since for a more satisfying approach. DS eventually outgrew his desire for 'minutes.'

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Hello! I wouldn't be too worried yet, it all changes in different stages, he is just a toddler experimenting now. Kids that age love to experiment with the whole "what will happen if..." and unfortunately that stage lasts for a while. That is true of some ND children as well, not exclusively gifted children. But I find that most gifted children are quite curious about everything and part of that behavior is part of the curiousity. That being said, they also pick up on all reactions, not just consequences...so be aware of any reactions to those behaviors as they may keep up a behavior just to see the look on your face, or to hear a sound you make, etc. : ) Fun, huh? I do like 1-2-3 magic. I like lots of books when you pick and choose the parts you like the best. I teach parenting classes and have read tons of different ones. I am in the middle of the book Transforming the Difficult Child, also enjoy the whole love and logic approach and common sense parenting...so many great books and resources are out there. Good luck!

Michelle

I have been ignoring DS when he hit his head after not getting his ways.

Hopefully, he will learn that it isn't working.