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My dd is in competitive dance, which requires many hours of practice/ week. She excels as a dancer (athletic and artistry). However, she has an incredible ability to learn the choreography that is much more advanced than her age group. I am sooo frustrated that her dance teachers will not allow her to move up in her age group for a workshop because her peers cannot handle the challenge of complex choreography.

This situation is incredibly frustrating because my goal is not just to raise a smart kid, but also to raise a well-rounded child. Has anyone else dealt with difficulties in extracurricular activities when teachers/ coaches insist on placement according to age rather than ability?

This doesn't really anwser your question but I'll share this story that may help here with challenging your daughter.

A neighbor girl is a good dancer. She puts on a dance show every summer at our street picnic. She choreograhps the dance with a bunch of kids and it's wonderful. I'm thrilled my DD gets dance lessons for free. And this girl gets a great experience.

Yes, JLC, we've faced the same issue with music.

Our DD's private music teacher has been one of her best allies. Do private dance lessons exist? If so, maybe a private teacher would help your DD to progress at a faster pace by herself. At least she would be allowed to grow artistically, instead of stagnating. However, it may not help the frustration of being in a group ensemble that is too slow for her, and you may not be able to change that. We've run into that, too.

How old is your DD? You may want to explore a summer program for the arts. PM me if you're interested in that possibility.

Thanks everyone for the input and support.

I little more detail on the situation...

DD is used to excelling in school and has never received anything other than As in the gifted program she attends. In the competitive dance program- it is just that: competitive. She would score higher and probably win with her solo performance if the judges were able to see how high her ability goes during the course of the workshop.

I have noticed dd getting more and more frustrated over decisions such as this. The crux of the problem is that she is used to excelling and now wants to quit dance because she is not allowed to excel. Why would a kid want to pursue something in which they are held back... Also of note is that I decided not to put her in private schools and we spend approx. $8,000.00/ yr on dance. We have invested alot already since she has danced competitively since she was 5. I would like to see her continue, but I think she now wants to quit.

I have begun to look around for places which allow, or perhaps even emphasize, mixed-age classes. My dd's preschool class that she is starting in a week will have 3-5 year olds, keeping my fingers crossed that she will fit in there somewhere. Ds9's ballet classes are very mixed-age; with boys there usually are so few, the range of ages tends to stretch further. It seems good for all the kids, they all seem to have different strengths - humor, flexibility, better memory for steps, strength and so on. I think even the teachers appreciate being able to look to a certain child as a good model for a particular aspect of dance.

Maybe smaller places with fewer students will naturally tend towards broader age range classes.

Otoh, I know that things like pointe, and possibly some other parts of dance can not be taught to kids until their bodies are sufficiently mature, so perhaps there are some safety issues that your school is considering, but they need to share with you.

I'm sorry I don't have any advice on the group dance classes/competitions, but I just wanted to add my two cents and personal experience about quitting. I danced for years, from age 3-15. At age 15, I got very bored and probably should have been moved to a more challenging dance school that was more competitive. I was the kind of kid who needed a push from my parents or instructors; I excelled at most things I did, but I wasn't always intrinsically motivated and lacked self esteem. I went through a rebellious stage, and ended up quitting dance. In fact, I never danced again. It's one of the biggest regrets of my life. I really wish my parents had forced me to continue. I'm not sure how I would have handled that, but I often wonder if I would have overcome my ambivalence towards dance if forced to work through it or offered another alternative.

Maybe your daughter just needs a change of pace. Is there another dance company nearby? If you're already spending $8000 per year on dance, could she stop the competitive dancing and move into private lessons instead?

How old is your DD now? My GD is only 5 so this is not an issue yet. However, her mom (my DD) owns a Dance Studio and has a competitive Dance Company. I assume you are referring to a workshop/convention that is followed by a competition. DD's girls usually go to separate conventions and do stand-alone competitions, but I can see where having the judges see your DD all day during the workshop would give her a recognition factor advantage. Can you ask the teacher if you can pay to have your DD go to the workshop even though her group is not going? We have some girls pay to go to extra conventions and competitions at times. It's a shame the teacher would hold back your DD - are the comp. teams based on age? Although it can be a touchy thing with other parents, dancers should be grouped by ability rather than age (just as it should be in school but often isn't). At least she is doing a solo so is not held back by what the others can do. I know you must be frustrated that she wants to quit after investing so much time and $$ in it. But it really comes down to this - does she love to dance or is it just about the competition? If she does not love to dance (as my daughter did/does), she will eventually not want to keep it up. That's why I asked about her age - between 10 and 14 are usually the deciding years for continuing dance or not (in my limited experience). If she loves dancing, maybe you could consider changing studios or not competing for now. Good luck.

I've noticed that in sports, they are not as quick to advance better athletes even if they are younger like they used to. Parents are quicker to sue should something happen to their child than 20-30 years ago.

So that in itself could be an issue. Also, there are MANY parents that think their child should be in a more advanced level, but clearly the child is not ready.

Obviously, the best thing to do would be to seriously talk to the teacher. Maybe make a tape of your DD and say, "I want you to look at this when you have time, and let me know what you think. Let me know what you think *I* can do to keep her growing in dance when she's not in your class".

Often times, when you put the issue on your shoulders and are only looking for guidance (even if that's not the true intent), a teacher or coach is quicker to be on your "side" about things. Does that make sense?

Good luck!

DD is 12 and she will be doing a workshop + competition. The styles taught at the workshop are what you would see on "So You Think You Can Dance". She would not be doing any pointe work, so that is not the issue. She has done many workshops with older kids and has always held her own. Even at 8 years old, she nearly won a scholarship competing against 16 years olds. I don't think that she is the best dancer (although she is very good)- it is just that she learns waaaaay faster than the other kids her age.

For those who are familiar with this, her solos always place in the top 5 out 100 - 200 entries. She can do 4 perfect pirouettes and can now do 5-6 about 50% of the time. She can do about 16 fouette turns without stopping and the judges give her high marks for her technique.

HOWEVER... dance is also about style and they teach style at the workshops. She has no problems keeping up with 16-18 year olds with the choreography. Dance Teacher says she should stay with her age group (which is mainly composed of dancers 1-3 years younger due to small size of the studio). I am mad that I have to waste my whole weekend because she learns the choreography after two attempts and then must spend the next 2 hours of class waiting for others to learn it. I think my dd just feels insulted because teacher is ignoring her ability.

I think one issue is that there are a couple of parents who would want their child advanced when their child is clearly not ready for it and also some parents are resentful of your child being afforded the opportunity to excel at a faster rate- just like some people are against offering accelerated classes for gifted children. The motto here is give everyone the same thing to be fair. I do not want to spend $8,000/ year unless she is placed where she should be.

For the record, I was not suggesting that YOU are one of the parents that think your DD is the best when she's not. Sorry if it sounded like I implied that.

Are all the competitions individual or are their "team" competitions as well? If the latter, I will say that in life, you often find yourself in situations where you already know what to do, but because the outcome depends on everyone getting it, you have to wait for them. While you are frustrated, you also have to count on the other people understanding it too. ya know?

And totally playing devil's advocate here... How would you feel if your DD was the one not getting it, and the teacher was just skipping ahead after she showed everyone once or twice?

I hope that doesn't sound like I'm attacking you, because I am not at all (and for the record, if I was in your shoes, it would frustrate me as well!!!). I think that you need to talk with the teacher and also search out your other options if there are any.

Would your DD like to help the class learn? Maybe the teacher would let her work with a group of girls that don't understand it or something?