Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Emotional/Sensitive boy......HELP!!

Bear got praise heaped on him from me for being willing to take off one shoe for about three seconds during a class recently. The praise occurred as the shoe came off and after it went back on with no negatives for it going back on. I don't expect them to come off, but if it happens I let him know he is making progress. I know that if I expected the shoes to come off (like I did the first two classes) he would NEVER have gotten to the point of taking one off for even a couple of seconds.

It's really a comfort level thing. I mean I would honestly never choose to jump out of perfectly good airplane, but some people do. It is far beyond my comfort level. There are people out there who are probably very confused by my hesitation. However if I had enough time and enough training I might get to the point where I was willing to try, but only if it was my choice...

On the other hand, I am very at home with rats and snakes. Put my in a tank with pet rats or non-venomous snakes of a non-man-eating size and I won't bat an eye. I know of other people who would probably pass out at the very idea of such a thing. However given enough time and the ability to control it (no outside expectations) and they might get to the point where they would consider it. The thing is I flat out don't understand what scares them so badly...

In some ways that's basically what we are asking of our extremely sensitive kids. They don't have the life experience to know that odds are it will be ok and other people will not try and eat them or anything else untowards to them. As long as they have the time to adjust, however long that might take, and the constant non-judgemental support of their parents who truly believe that other people are not all that horrible they will eventually start to relax and explore.

Thank you out of all the posts yours has helped me the most...
you have really put my sons fears into perspective for me iv had such a hard time with him and i worry about him in are culture where a sensitive boy is not always widely excepted i worry about him a lot more then i do my girls

i have a question is it bad to finish his sentence if he is having trouble doing so?? like if he is holding out his cup and keeps saying " I Need I Need I Need" can i say "A drink?" cause sometimes i do that and then he will say "yes i need a drink"

Rather than filling it in at first, I'd suggest he stop what he is saying and then ask him to start from where he left off or from the end of the sentence. If that doesn't work I would say "I think I know what you want, What do you want to do with that cup?" If he's really having problems I would offer the answer, but giving him a chance first gives him more control of the situation and a chance to practice in a safe environment.

I saw a YouTube on this subject. don't know whether to laugh or cry....

I have a daughter who has something called selective mutism and could not talk in preschool for the entire year or participate in the singing and dancing. When she was three, it looked a lot like what is described here (the clinging to mama, tantrums and needing mama to help regulate their emotions ). She was diagnosed with SM, separation anxiety, generalized anxiety, sensory issues, and giftedness at 4.5.

This combination is basically due to asynchronous development (the intellectual aspect far ahead of emotional development). In situations where she felt anxious (such as a class of 3-4 year olds that act like typical 3 year olds), this created stress for her. Had there been a Montessori school nearby, I would have enrolled her there. But there wasn't. We did sensory things at home, including Montessori sensory activities too.

In case anyone was wondering, I have a summary of her journey to date here:

http://raisingsmartgirls.wordpress.com/our-daughters-sm-journey-the-summary/

One of the helpful things about tantrums/emotional meltdowns was creating a kids' problem solving binder using picture stories and other things I found on the internet. I have it here http://growinginpeace.wordpress.com/2008/10/31/kids-problem-solving-binder/.

Sensory calming movement activities like yoga and ballet are actually very helpful for anxious kiddos.

Good luck and I hope this helps someone.

First of all...try seeing if keeping him well fed with protein rich snacks every 2-3 hours. My daughter was more resilient to emotional stress when she was well-fed. She also is still this way at almost 6.

Second - you reflect what he's feeling, helping him to identify what frustrates him or makes him mad. This helps him be aware of what the feeling is.

Third - you can do the other suggestions in my other post to help him regulate his emotions and encourage him to use words instead of tantrums/meltdowns to communicate his needs. Lots of sensory experiences and YogaKids Fun Collection is a good DVD. Target has a 2 disc set for $20 (sometimes goes on sale for $15) or it's $13.49 at amazon.com with free super shipping if you spend $25.