Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Can I just vent a litte?

Hmph....

I feel I only have a few adults I can talk to about my DD6's giftedness: The School Personnel & Immediate Family.

So we got together with my in-laws today (they drive me nuts to begin with, but I tolerate them). Maybe it was because I have PMS or there was some change in the air pressure, but today they just got under my skin I probably responded inappropriately.


Well we just finished discussing about how DD has been formally identified and the school has been great creating an IEP, etc. After the discussion, my mother in-law starts to go and on about our nephews who are 3 1/2 and 18 months -- "Oh! The 3 1/2 year old is talking up a storm and the 18 month old is pointing to things he wants...the 3 year old is FINALLY going to preschool this fall...." yada yada yada --- Just going on and on about general toddler milestones. (My nephews and their parents were not in attendance). It just irked me, I feel that I can never have a proud moment just for MY DD -- so I responded with "Well, my DD was talking up a storm at 18 months and in preschool by 2 years..."

I NEVER respond like that, but just couldn't hold it in.

Thank you for listening to my rant. I could have gone on and on, but just needed to let it out a little bit. GRRRRR.......

Ah, yes...a little visit with the in-laws...

((hugs)) to you!

Your MIL is probably very proud of your DD (and may brag about her to other family members, annoying the heck out of them!)

People do feel uncomfortable talking about giftedness though. She may have been trying to find some common ground in the conversation by talking about the other kids (and change the subject because she was uncomfortable.)

It's too bad she isn't able to openly share your excitement about your DD.

That could be true...a good way to think about it. Thanks.

I hope you're not being hard on yourself...it sounds like you had a reaction that caught you off guard. It happens to everyone!

Oh, boy. I'm thinking of some of my own clunkers, now

oh hugs! While I don't know your inlaws or their intent, I do find that often it's someone trying to have something to contribute to the conversation. Or your excitement gets them excited about something in their lives so they don't share in your excitement.

THis happened w/ me allllll the time w/ one certain friend. I'd say "OH DS is now up to saying 5 words!" and she'd say, "That's great! DD is saying 500 words!" Now I know her, and I know she wasn't trying to one-up me intentionally, but my excitement became her excitement. I wanted the conversation for the moment to be about me and my excitement but she always made it about her.

I joke about this w/ another friend of mine all the time. I'll say something about the kids and she'll say "Not to make this about me or anything but that reminds me of the cool thing DD did yesterday." ha ha ha

Most of the time I feel like even mentioning DS's giftedness is bragging. I feel like I shouldn't even mention it - that other people will misconstrue my motivations. I am really just intrigued and excited and hoping I help him navigate his path in a way that leads him to a happy productive life. Ever feel like you need to not mention or downplay things?

What is wrong with bragging? Parents brag ... it is part of the parent license, but for us, with the gifted children, we have to hold our tongues. When we brag it turns into hurt feelings on the other side b/c you have the comparison game. And yes, there is different levels of bragging. Some people can be over the top but most of the time just mentioning one little thing about our children will send some people over the edge b/c it is apparently clear that the child is able to do something way before the norm.

I have trained myself not to mention DD's abilities or what she has recently accomplished around general friends. I have my best friend who I share with and that is about it. It is just easier.

We are all in this boat! I can't discuss my thoughts for my children with any of friends or family. Which is why I post here.
It is OK to be proud and brag on your child, you just have to find the right place to do it...like here
We would love to hear about how amazing your kids are!

Go BeckyC...this is the perfect place for vents and brags...we all need a place for those. With MIL be sure to do an in depth interview with her about her own giftedness and any significant family members plus her experiences raising DH or others. When you are in a listening mood of course. It is always interesting. One thing I love about this issue is that there are usually so few oppoortunities for normal air circulation that one gets to such interesting mold so quickly when the subject comes up. hth grinity

Glad I am not alone. If I do say anything about my DS I always feel I have to add..."Not like I think my child is a genius or anything..." Now...what do all the parents of genius out there say then? LOL My son reads at a 12 grade level and comprehends at the 10th grade level. Why is it not okay for me to advocate that in the Fall he needs some curriculum adaption so he is not taking 4th grade reading? If he couldn't read yet everyone would be praising my advocating for an appropriate education. It sucks to feel guilty about trying to get the best education and social/emotional environment for my son.