Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion potty training issues

The more I read on this sight the more I'm convinced amh is gifted. She is over 3 years old and has absolutely NO interest in potty training and ASKS for her diaper..demands a diaper. I've tried rewards, taking things away(computer, books, gum, dresses), nothing works. Let her run all day without any bottoms on and still peed and pooped on the floor, chair, down her leg. I even threatened a spanking...NOTHING is working. I feel if I give up again and try again in a month it will just be harder because that is the pattern so far. She shows no signs of being ready but can read, work the computer, cook, remembers specifics from when she was 12 months old....c'mon preschool is 3 months away????? What do I do???????

I had luck with the method in this book. I found it at the local library.
http://www.amazon.com/Toilet-Training-Less-Than-Day/dp/0671693808

thanks, I'm on the phone with the library and they have it...gotta go pick it up

You may also want to read some of the good and bad reviews on Amazon. Parents seem to either love or hate it. Good luck!

I'm ready to try anything other than giving up...I know she CAN do it she just does not Want to do it.

My DS5 was like that, too! He didn't PT until 3.5. I am absolutely convinced that the only reason he did was because I was at the end of my rope and just flat out refused to ever change another diaper on him. It was a battle of wills and I think the maniacle glint in my eye told him it was one he couldn't win, LOL. Even still it took 5 days of solid resolve (and lots of Resolve) for him to believe me that PTing was the only way to get me to stop carrying him to the bathroom every 10 min and interrupting his play. I joke that I nagged him into PTing, but it's actually pretty close to the truth.

FWIW, my DS7 and DD2 both PTed right around 2, so you're not doomed to only having hard to potty teach children Good luck!

Been there done that with an extremely strong willed dd. I'm about to start potty training child #4 in a few weeks, as soon as school ends; I'm so not looking forward to it.

With dd, we went cold turkey, a few weeks before preschool started (she was 3y4m). I gave her full warning - starting Sunday there will be no more diapers, etc. Naked from the waist down. We went nowhere (except for the backyard with the plastic potty).

The first day, she managed to hold it all day long. At bedtime I put a diaper on her and she then peed and pooped. So, no more diapers at bedtime. It took about a week.

The downside of this approach when combined with very strong-willed dd was that the following week, a UTI turned up, from her holding it so long.

I used the same approach with my twin boys, though fortunately they weren't as strong-willed. It still took about a week of being naked (it was cold outside - hardwood floors were a good thing). I'm planning to use the same approach with ds who is about to turn 3.

Maybe I'm the only one, but when I reduced the pressure (a/k/a gave up) DD3 advanced, and when I got excited about her progress and tried to push her toward the next level she regressed. Long story short, she was fully (night & day) potty trained by the time she was 2 1/2. My belief is that if I had let go sooner she'd have been done sooner, and if I'd pushed harder she'd still be wearing diapers.

That said, she showed interest in potty training from a very early age. Perhaps if that is not the case for your child, more intensive potty training is necessary. I don't know. Anyway, good luck.

I have one of those--DD will be 3 in a couple weeks, and has no interest in the whole potty thing. She, too, brings me a diaper, and has even demanded a diaper immediately out of the bathtub because she had to poop, and sure enough, she pooped in it as soon as it went on, so she knows when it's about to happen. DS6 was a complicated one for potty training for a number of reasons, but not like this. He was fully night-trained and pee-trained at 2.5, and then we moved across the country, my mom died two months later, we moved again, and he lost all knowledge of the process. And he has always had constipation issues, which made it that much more difficult because he got used to it hurting and still has "holding" issues today. But DD is just plain stubborn!

Okay, this really made me laugh.

Although the UTI - not so funny. But I can relate with the stubborn, strong willed DD who knows the drill and rejects it.

Just today, however, DD 28 mos.'s new preschool started working on her potty skills. So I'm getting expert help from her preschool teacher with 20 years of preschool experience and 5 students age 3-4 who are potty trained. Good luck to them all.

At home, DD has potty trained herself quite well: Nature Girl disrobes and goes in the garden. I scoop hers along with the dog's. Hey, I'll take it.

LOL re: scooping the garden. Reminds me of when I was training the boys indoors - you'd have thought we lived among deer.

As for the preschool, good luck to them. My ds(35 months)'s montessori toddler program has a small toilet in the room and I don't know if they've ever succeeded at getting him to sit on it. (Then again, they can't seem to get him to agree to participate in circle time either LOL - he stands off to the side.) Oh joy, can't wait to start PT-ing him at the end of the month

Hi Over42,

This was our son. At 3, he articulately told me in now way he would be trained. The next day, I took his diaper off as soon as he woke up and I stood in front of his door, not letting him out until he peed in the little potty chair in his room. It was a battle of the wills. He refused and proceeded to walk in circles, trying to hold it in. Finally, he ran over to the chair and did it. That's how he was finally trained. I believe gifted kids do not like change and their wills are stronger than normal kids. He's 27 now and getting a Ph.d in Lit. Difficult to raise but he's a joy to be with, now. I feel your frustration, having lived it. --San

over42, have you tried going straight to the toilet (rather than a potty)? Both my DS's went straight to the toilet and we had no problems - I'm not sure if it was the novelty of using what Mom and Dad use! With my younger DS's first attempt he wasn't ready and it became a battle of wills and I found myself getting annoyed. I simply stopped any attempts (including all talk about the toilet) for three weeks and then tried again with less pressure - it worked perfectly second time. Good luck

Well, I read the book and started fresh this morning..HA,HA,HA! She runs around holding it, crossing her legs, when she sits on the potty for 15 minutes...nothing. Get up for 5 min. pees all over the place and runs in shame crying and saying, "Don't yell NO at me Mommy" Holy crap, she peed one time in the potty and it took EVERYTHING to get her to. Then, she cares less for the treats and all and goes right back to holding it. I've screamed that this is it, because up until now I have totally let her do it in her own way. She can use the big toilet, (all set up), or her potty seat. I truly believe it is a battle of the wills. I do not know why she will not do this. She says she doesn't want to be a baby and wants to be a big girl...wow, all she has really learned today is how to clean up the messes and flush down her poop. She COMPLETELY has control and can dress herself, she even repeats all the training to other people. She is TRULY impossible, she has made a game out of changing her underwear and cleaning up the urine!!! Then tells me I have to sit on the toilet and yadda yadda. Meanwhile, No tv, no movies, no computer, no games, no toys..only books and coloring...plus, no treat foods unless she potties or at least tries too. We both are wore out. I truly believe if I back down now she will not use the potty until her 9 month old sister is trained!!! I cannot wait that long. HELP!!! Nothing, absolutely nothing has worked...but I will not give up. Sooner or later she will get tired of doing this day and night.

We talked DS5 up to it. Set a date, did the whole running around naked thing, and it worked in less than a day. But he was ready at 18 months, and he was already 2 when WE were ready. Don't threaten her. But don't give in to the diapers either, once you make a decision that it's time.

I know someone who had a son who wasn't trained until he was 5... and he's a senior in high school this year, and he does not still wear diapers.

Oh, and don't clean her right away (give her a few minutes being "dirty"). Tell her there are no more diapers, and you don't have time right at that very moment to clean her up and remind her that if she went IN the potty, she would be playing now.

by the way, some kids are totally freaked out about toilet bowls or by stuff leaving their bodies and being flushed away.

I have no idea if this will help but I will add what we did. DS did not potty train till 3.5yo & flat out told me he did not want to, that we could just keep changing him. We started & failed at PTing four times before it stuck. What worked: I made a potty chart & he got a star on it for every time he when potty. If he went all day with no accidents he got a sticker. For ever star on his chart he also got 15 min of computer time. This added up to a fair amount of computer time through the day but it was something he truly loved. We had an old egg timer to enforce the computer time. There was also a strongly enforced rule at our house that you only flush your own. DS liked to watch the toilet flush & it became a bit of a reward this way. As I recall in about 2 weeks we were done. He trained straight onto the toilet with just a small wooden stool.

I wish you the best of luck with your DD. You will both get through this. My only suggestion is to maybe work on getting her to relax on the potty. IF she is stressed out or over thinking it , it may not happen. Hopefully you will be done with all of this before too much longer.

Sometimes playing with warm water helps children relax so they can go. Try filling a bowl with warm water and a plastic toy to splash around with while she's sitting on the potty.
Good luck with day two!

I feel your pain. We are right in the middle of potty training and not that I really wanted to start up on this task during this week since we are leaving for a trip on Monday but she flat out asked to be potty trained instead of simply talking about it. DD is excited for about the first 3 hours and than is bored with the whole thing. And I too am having the issue of making her go on the pot with no luck and than 5 minutes later she pees in her pants.

What I have noticed is IF I can get her mind off the task at hand while she is sitting on the pot by playing silly games such as toss the underwear back and forth than she is able to pee in her potty chair with no problems.

And PurpleHeather ... the computer allowance is a great tip that I might have to try with DD since she loves the computer. But all of this will have to wait until we are back from our trip. I really can not imagine how I could potty train her while on the road. I really hope you have your DD trained here soon. Crossing my fingers for you.

For those who have boys, one trick is putting a toy duck or something in the potty and telling them it's target practice. "Sink the duck?" Fun game?

Thanks for all the ideas...last night she was up 2 times crying because she peed her bed!! I think she is stressed AND trying to win. I tried water, reading, scratching her to relax...you name it. I will let everyone know when I succeed. DD3 used to projectile vomit to get attention!! Yeah, what a trip. The Dr told us to show ZERO emotion, do not talk or look at her, clean it up and move on. I think this PT issue might be the same thing. She might just be wanting the attention, negative or positive. SO, today this is my new strategy...with Granny and Grandpa here for Mother's Day should be interesting. A HUGE HAPPY MOTHERS DAY TO ALL THOSE GT MOMS, YOU REALLY DESERVE IT!!!!!

Yes, we have mastered potty training!! The book really helped and having my husband step in the next day worked wonders. Now, she is fully trained and when she has an accident she takes care of it herself, clean up and all!! THANK YOU!!!

Yay! Well done for sticking with it

Glad it worked but be careful with automatic flush toilets. They terrified my DD and I had a hard time getting her to use public toilets for awhile. Wished I'd known more about the overexcitabilities when she was younger.

PurpleHeather - your idea is pretty much exactly what we did with our son - there was no pressure or stressing. We started talking about the potty about age 2.5 and how the whole potty worked, where it went, he was fascinated and we drove out to the treatment facility so he could see where it was. We found some cool books on pipe building and laying pipes and that added to the "coolness" of the toilet. He wanted to know where his pooh came from so we found charts and books on the digestive system and he would go around sharing all about where his food went and what it turned into.
My little guy is stubborn beyond belief but with potty training I don't know if it is because we started talking to him months and months before we even brought up him trying and we never, ever pushed him. We put the job onto him when he was ready. He was potty trained a few months before he turned 3. The chart system was a huge help to us. He was in control of what he wanted to do without us pushing and before he knew it, he had trained himself. I know with some kids, the more anxiety placed on them, it can cause their little systems to shut down and not go. We also used cheerios for our little guy to use as target practice and he always went in the big toilet, we just got a special kid seat that went over the top of it so he didn't fall in :-)

Us too! I learned to put a peice of toilet paper over the sensor and it will not flush prematurely. My DD6 still uses this technique.