I hate to be negative - but from what I've read on the board, and experienced myself - schools and negotitation rarely works out. I find your post particularly disheartening because if in a state where you actually have GT services they make it THIS hard and base so much of it on one teacher's opinion (!) then WHAT hope is there.
I'm sure DS6's recent report card will likely NOT contain all "E" - and whereever he doesn't get Excellent - the reasoning will be his lack of attention in class, or be based on BEHAVIOR. There is a differetn between Academic ability/Intellectual ability and behavior - and in my opinion they should be judged separately from one another and then form the overall picture. To hold your child back from special services based on BEHAVIOR is just wrong!!
That's like taking a disabled child - and saying they have to behave perfectly or be mature before they get services. (Some other parent posted that remark on these boards elsewhere - and it helped me immensley see things in perspective!)
Sounds like your suffering from "Well, your kid is only borderline gifted, so as we only have so many dollars to spend - we'll do out best to make your kid too average to participant.) Stinks! And the contradictions (otherwise all A's in tests etc.) makes me angry!!