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    #38973 02/23/09 05:41 AM
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    I have had trouble finding a website (or forum) for these years, which are typically 6th through 8th grade.

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    All of a sudden, puberty hits and it is really different. My daughter will cry about something silly and is getting the "sullen" thing. And sometimes, she is the same girl I had before. And, of course, I have gotten "stupider" and no longer know nearly as much as I did. These are typical traits, but I am trying to guide her as a GT.

    Her class studied the Holocaust and read a book about a girl in it, which led her to Anne Frank. We watched the BBC production recently (excellent).

    I told her that our family was Jewish four generations back. She told a little girl that she could not attend her party because she would not want a Jewish girl there. She is totally getting into that age where they don't read a book; they become the book.

    I teach this age and there is usually one crying student per day (on a good day). I am talking about slope and they are all trying to figure out what is going on with the drama of the day.

    Help! Anyone survive this age yet.

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    cym Offline
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    The only experience I have with the "drama" is through a friend whose highly gifted daughter seems to thrive on drama. She is attracted to people who have unbelievable things going on in their lives (for high school age kids) and gets obsessed with it, sucked into it. It has been very bad for her academically. This year, her last year of high school, she seems to have cut the connections with crazy drama kids and gotten serious about college applications/scholarships. How does a parent make real life more appealing than the adrenaline rush of soap operas?

    The one idea I have on that is to give them opportunities to have excitement and fun that are of a different nature. In middle school, my kids participate in Science Olympiad competition. I am highly involved (it basically consumes 3 months of afternoons). The thrill of competition, winning, going on to state, winning--this is the kind of adrenaline I'm trying to program my kids with. Or cool summer programs that could be academic or enrichment or wilderness. I think drama becomes more entertaining when you're bored, so keep her busy. And away from trash television that has many programs of drama teenagers that perpetuate that behavior.


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    I will stress the importance of physical activity.
    Have her swim or run daily/ as often as possible. It clears the mind beautifully wink

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    cym Offline
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    Yes, I agree--sports! It involves all the good things and consumes time that might otherwise be spent chittering about silly things and making them important (drama).

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    Ellipses,
    My heart goes out to you!
    I reccomend sharing books about Holacaust Rescuers with your daughter.
    One on one time with her will probably go a long way, and the exersize idea sounds good to.
    Service projects are important.

    But mostly, DS12 is surrounded by 8th graders who are very easily offended. Part of me feels sorry that he is surrounded by 'all this,' but I think that in a way he is lucky that he isn't going through this (as much) while his friends do.

    Love and More Love,
    Grinity


    Coaching available, at SchoolSuccessSolutions.com
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    Yesterday, there was a huge fight among the sixth grade girls. My daughter, who is very sensitive, had an anxiety attack. She lost her speech. My husband picked her up from school and took off of work to be with her. This is the second time she has had an attack like this. The first time, we took her to an emergency room and it was diagnosed as anxiety.

    According to others, my daughter was not an instigator, but this stuff just does not make sense to her. It doesn't to me also.

    My husband actually talked about homeschooling - which means that I would quit my job. However, she would miss band, which is her favorite thing in life right now. She loves her teacher and really performs better for others at this time in her life than for me. It would ruin our already tough relationship that has changed tremendously since she hit puberty.

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    Ellipses - my heart goes out to your daughter and you. Panic/anxiety attacs can be terryfiyng - I have been that route!

    My first instinct tells me not to cut her ties with the school, do not shelter her at home - this will do nothing to cure her anxiety, it will just prolong the process of getting better.

    I stopped on this sentence in your post "According to others, my daughter was not an instigator". Can you devoulge more? Am I reading more than necessary into your post?
    I have also re-read your initial posting on this thread and it tells me that there might be other issues with your daughter.
    Could she be depressed? Anxiety frequently takes off from depression. Did you think about having a frank conversation with a councellor?

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    Puberty is tough for girls regardless, but add that your DD is gifted, and that compounds it. Girls going through puberty are not only dealing with physical changes, but are also trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in. And gifted girls, when not directed, challenged, etc, can fall into deeper issues with self-esteem, self-confidence, etc (yes, I like using etc...)

    My parents moved me from NJ to GA a month after I turned 13. I had already had issues with fitting in because even though I had tons of friends, I had the situational friends, no real friends or real identitiy. Whereas everyone else had that "group" of friends only. I went from playing baseball, being a cheerleader, being in the GT program, a drama student, and a member of the band to none of them. Everything that I ever identified with (the activities, not the people) were gone. I started a new school, taking ALL of the same classes (except math) over again. I didn't make the cheerleading squad. I couldn't play baseball because only boys did, etc, etc, etc. I was basically told, without the exact words, that I just wasn't good enough. I also went from being one of the big fish in a decent sized lake to a small fish in a very large ocean. And being an extrovert, I thrive on external stimulation and got none.

    I was extremely depressed, extremely bored, and the ONLY way I knew how to cope was to be way over dramatic and create situations and/or involve myself with other people who fed into that drama.

    Anyway, my point... I personally would not take her from band, and I would get her more involved with taking care of herself and her mind (running, other physical activities) and really look into persuing something like cym suggested.

    I also taught middle school, and I honestly believe that 6-8th grade are the most important years in a child's development. It is these years that will help set the path for success or failure as an adult.

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    PS. I thought ALL girls from about 13 to about 18 "disliked" their parents. wink

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