I have had trouble finding a website (or forum) for these years, which are typically 6th through 8th grade.

All of a sudden, puberty hits and it is really different. My daughter will cry about something silly and is getting the "sullen" thing. And sometimes, she is the same girl I had before. And, of course, I have gotten "stupider" and no longer know nearly as much as I did. These are typical traits, but I am trying to guide her as a GT.

Her class studied the Holocaust and read a book about a girl in it, which led her to Anne Frank. We watched the BBC production recently (excellent).

I told her that our family was Jewish four generations back. She told a little girl that she could not attend her party because she would not want a Jewish girl there. She is totally getting into that age where they don't read a book; they become the book.

I teach this age and there is usually one crying student per day (on a good day). I am talking about slope and they are all trying to figure out what is going on with the drama of the day.

Help! Anyone survive this age yet.

The only experience I have with the "drama" is through a friend whose highly gifted daughter seems to thrive on drama. She is attracted to people who have unbelievable things going on in their lives (for high school age kids) and gets obsessed with it, sucked into it. It has been very bad for her academically. This year, her last year of high school, she seems to have cut the connections with crazy drama kids and gotten serious about college applications/scholarships. How does a parent make real life more appealing than the adrenaline rush of soap operas?

The one idea I have on that is to give them opportunities to have excitement and fun that are of a different nature. In middle school, my kids participate in Science Olympiad competition. I am highly involved (it basically consumes 3 months of afternoons). The thrill of competition, winning, going on to state, winning--this is the kind of adrenaline I'm trying to program my kids with. Or cool summer programs that could be academic or enrichment or wilderness. I think drama becomes more entertaining when you're bored, so keep her busy. And away from trash television that has many programs of drama teenagers that perpetuate that behavior.

I will stress the importance of physical activity.
Have her swim or run daily/ as often as possible. It clears the mind beautifully

Yes, I agree--sports! It involves all the good things and consumes time that might otherwise be spent chittering about silly things and making them important (drama).

Ellipses,
My heart goes out to you!
I reccomend sharing books about Holacaust Rescuers with your daughter.
One on one time with her will probably go a long way, and the exersize idea sounds good to.
Service projects are important.

But mostly, DS12 is surrounded by 8th graders who are very easily offended. Part of me feels sorry that he is surrounded by 'all this,' but I think that in a way he is lucky that he isn't going through this (as much) while his friends do.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

Yesterday, there was a huge fight among the sixth grade girls. My daughter, who is very sensitive, had an anxiety attack. She lost her speech. My husband picked her up from school and took off of work to be with her. This is the second time she has had an attack like this. The first time, we took her to an emergency room and it was diagnosed as anxiety.

According to others, my daughter was not an instigator, but this stuff just does not make sense to her. It doesn't to me also.

My husband actually talked about homeschooling - which means that I would quit my job. However, she would miss band, which is her favorite thing in life right now. She loves her teacher and really performs better for others at this time in her life than for me. It would ruin our already tough relationship that has changed tremendously since she hit puberty.

Ellipses - my heart goes out to your daughter and you. Panic/anxiety attacs can be terryfiyng - I have been that route!

My first instinct tells me not to cut her ties with the school, do not shelter her at home - this will do nothing to cure her anxiety, it will just prolong the process of getting better.

I stopped on this sentence in your post "According to others, my daughter was not an instigator". Can you devoulge more? Am I reading more than necessary into your post?
I have also re-read your initial posting on this thread and it tells me that there might be other issues with your daughter.
Could she be depressed? Anxiety frequently takes off from depression. Did you think about having a frank conversation with a councellor?

Puberty is tough for girls regardless, but add that your DD is gifted, and that compounds it. Girls going through puberty are not only dealing with physical changes, but are also trying to figure out who they are and where they fit in. And gifted girls, when not directed, challenged, etc, can fall into deeper issues with self-esteem, self-confidence, etc (yes, I like using etc...)

My parents moved me from NJ to GA a month after I turned 13. I had already had issues with fitting in because even though I had tons of friends, I had the situational friends, no real friends or real identitiy. Whereas everyone else had that "group" of friends only. I went from playing baseball, being a cheerleader, being in the GT program, a drama student, and a member of the band to none of them. Everything that I ever identified with (the activities, not the people) were gone. I started a new school, taking ALL of the same classes (except math) over again. I didn't make the cheerleading squad. I couldn't play baseball because only boys did, etc, etc, etc. I was basically told, without the exact words, that I just wasn't good enough. I also went from being one of the big fish in a decent sized lake to a small fish in a very large ocean. And being an extrovert, I thrive on external stimulation and got none.

I was extremely depressed, extremely bored, and the ONLY way I knew how to cope was to be way over dramatic and create situations and/or involve myself with other people who fed into that drama.

Anyway, my point... I personally would not take her from band, and I would get her more involved with taking care of herself and her mind (running, other physical activities) and really look into persuing something like cym suggested.

I also taught middle school, and I honestly believe that 6-8th grade are the most important years in a child's development. It is these years that will help set the path for success or failure as an adult.

PS. I thought ALL girls from about 13 to about 18 "disliked" their parents.

I agree that pulling her out of school seems premature in this instance (unless this sort of thing is an ongoing problem that is escalating), but not because homeschooling is "sheltering."

Not to nitpick, but that's kind of an unfair aspersion to cast on homeschooling...

I am suffering through a 14yo girl in 8th grade right now... You're right, it's all about the drama of the day. Who did what, who said what? blah, blah, blah....

I just keep telling myself that the daughter I know is in there somewhere and she'll like me again at 20.

^^ it is not just girls. All parents of kids in that age group are plain stupid most of the time

Kriston,
Sheltering in that particular situation would be removing the girl from an anxiety producing environement. While it might be helpful to manage things in the short period of time, ultimately you need to confront your anxieties in order to conquer them.
That is what I meant. Nothing in regard to homeschooling

It depends upon the level of anxiety, I think. Simply confronting anxiety (aka "toughing it out") works in some cases. But there would be no need for therapists if it worked in all cases. I'm not sure about this case.

My son was extremely bullied throughout most of his elementary school years. He never told me how bad it was. I knew he didn't have close friends, but attributed that to the giftedness. When I realized what was going on, at the end of 5th grade we got him in counseling. We also decided for him to start middle school at a new school where he didn't know any of the kids. This was the best decision for us. His 1st year in middle school has been his best year in school. Like the Mastercard commercial states, "Having Friends in school, simply priceless". A lot of my friends tried to encourage us to continue on at the same school and have him confront his problems. I'm so glad we made the switch.

Thanks everyone for your input. She went back to school and seems to be doing better. She does have a best friend, which helps greatly. She does not want to be at home because she really does like school - or at least a lot of things about school. Her teachers are great.

You are right that she has to learn to "deal with" this stuff. Believe me, I am still dealing with it as an adult.

My son's middle school aged friends tell him he would be bullied if he went back to public school. He was bullied a little in kindergarten.

Today, after piano lessons, we went to a small town restaurant that was playing old 70's music. We listened to an old song called Bad, Bad Leroy Brown. I asked my son what he would do if he saw this guy and he said he would have to call his good friend Jeremiah the Bullfrog.

My best friend's daughter is HG+ and went to a private french immersion school in NYC. This is after moving from Chicago and changing her life since mom moved in with her boyfriend who would later become her husband. All of this happened during middle school years and by the time she was at the end of 7th grade it was clear something was going on. She had major anxiety and could not cope to the point that she faked illnesses so she didn't have to go to school. She is also a perfectionist and that put added pressures on herself. My friend took her to a therapist and many doctors and they all suggested she be put into a public school. Anyone who lives in New York knows that gifted in the public school does not amount to much. So they bought a house in a known 'good' school district and enrolled her in school. It was ten folds worse then the private school. I personally think she also milked the situation and knew she could get away with a lot since her mother was feeling guilty about all of it.

So her 8th grade, you could count on your hands how many times she went to school. They diagnosed her with ADHD and a few other items but none made sense for her DD. It was not until my friend stumbled across the idea of SI that things started to make sense. She finished 8th grade from the house and really became a hermit. So this year they put her in a tiny private school with costs equal to that of Harvard tuition. She still has some anxiety especially when it was midterm time, but the school is willing to work with her. She also has a mother that realized she wasn't helping her by giving in and started to crack the whip. Boundaries were re-established and the important thing is my friend stuck to those boundaries.

It has been a hard road and anxiety is definitely a legitimate concern and issue. She is doing better but not out of the woods yet.

And I complete agree with Ania. Think hard and long before pulling her out, b/c drastic changes can have a reverse effect and cause even more problems.

She is doing okay. We have been talking about the bullying and general dislike of "intelligent people" in this area. She said that she can go inside and work on things during lunch and does not risk getting bullied that way.

She loves her teacher (and so do I) and she is very into her band and band teacher. Plus, since her puberty onset, she does not listen to me so homeschooling is not a good option now. We still work together on some projects, but it does risk hurting our relationship where it used to enhance it. I don't want to be picking my battles constantly until her hormones settle down a bit - unless things get too bad.

Sad story here...
Son's friend commited suicide a week ago.
I am OK to talk about it now, but it has been tough...

How old was he? Any clues as to what happened?

Oh dear... I am sorry to hear that Ania.

How awful, Ania! I'm sorry!

My wishes for healing go out to his family and friends.

She.
I do not know what has snapped.Very quiet, withdrawn, shy girl. A poet. Emo.
My son seems to be quite OK, she was his classmate but they hang out with different crowds.
I have been to number of funerals r/t school : kids, parents etc, but this one was really, really sad.
The only reason I am bringing this up here is those "dramatic" middle school years. Watch out, check their cells phones, their e-mails, listen to their music.

Sorry about the gender mixup. I have young boys with very few female friends, so I assumed. I shouldn't have.

Depression and suicide are just horrible. The true meaning of the word "tragic," in my experience. I feel for everyone around her.

Oh Ania, that's awful!

Ania, my heart goes out to you.

Depression is an awful, awful thing.

And watch their myspace pages closely. We had a student attempt suicide on campus yesterday and was resuscitated by EMTs before transferring to the hospital. She has posted a warning on her myspace page the night before. Many friends knew about it but didn't say anything because they thought she wasn't serious.

If your child has computer access at all, please see where they're going and what they're doing. Talk to them about helping friends and taking warnings seriously.

Ania, I am so very sorry. My prayers are with you and your son, as well as the girl's family. I know how they feel.

The school handled everything pretty well, I thought.
A week post tragedy there was a meeting for interested parents. One of the things they told us is of outmost importance - checking their cell phones. And cell phones should be on the kitchen table at night.

so terribly sad. what a waste. what was so wrong? was it depression or a boy or does anyone know or understand?

Ania... so tragic. I know it is hard and earth shaking when it hits so close to home. I had a friend commit suicide when we were in high school. He, too, was a shy poet. He reached out to us in his own way by writing poems about it but none of us took it seriously. Then the guilt sets in with why didn't I do something, tell a teacher, something! But at that age you have this feeling of indestructible and nothing could harm you. We were just not mature enough to do the right thing and suffered the highest price for it.

But it sounds like the school is being proactive. And after such an incident parents need to really watch their children for the signs of depression and keep an open door for them to talk about it.

Your family and everyone else touched by this tragedy are in my prayers.

Ania, I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your son's friend. Even though you mention they were not close, it's still a very heavy and sad event to come to grips with.

Our thoughts are with your son and his friend's family.

Neato