Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Is the wrong of me to do?

DD 2y4m is such a happy kid. Lately I have been wondering if I am doing the right thing by protecting dd from certain knowledge...hmm that's not clear at all is it!
let me explain...

When DD asks which vehicle is making the siren sounds, I tell her what it is...fire truck, police car etc. But then she asks where are they going, what are they doing, why do they need a siren etc. I have told her that firemen, police officers and paramedics are "helpers". Whenever someone needs help they can ask these people to help them and they will come help them. She knows NOTHING about people getting big injuries, or getting so sick that they need help from these people. She has, so far, been content with my answers. She has asked what kind of help the people need and I tell her, "well you know how sometimes you need help with something? Well, everyone needs help sometimes." And that's it!

Today my parents were over here and as they left I said "drive carefully". DD asked me what did I mean and why did I say that. I told her that I want them to make sure they watch out for all of the other cars and not to drive to fast because they need to be safe. Well today that was enough for her, but what about the day (which will come) when she asks what would happen if they drove too fast or something like that.

Do you tell you kids all about the horrible parts of life? I just think she is so innocent and happy now and i don't want to wreck that! She doesn't know that anything bad will ever happen to her or anyone else. Life is perfect as far as she knows.

I know this isn't a gifted issue, just a parenting issue...hope that's ok!

Thank you so much!

Ah, well, my youngest has two older siblings (who openly discuss current events, WWII, our most recent dead chicken, etc.). He has lots of vocabulary I wish he didn't (kill, dead, etc.), but I don't see any negative effects on him. Oldest kiddo didn't have these influences and so remained protected from negative stuff longer.

I would say he's sensitive as he doesn't like to read Three Billy Goats Gruff before bed. Nightmares. It's that troll! (And our book makes him look cute!)

I'm pretty honest. I just try not to tell my kids more than they *really* want to know.

I always think of the old joke:

A child asks, "Where did I come from, Mommy?" Mommy launches into a long and detailed explanation of the birds and the bees, complete with diagrams and visual aids. Child listens quietly before replying, "Huh. My friend Chris comes from Baltimore."

Doh!

I don't want that to be me!

LOL!!!

Back to the original post. I will provide "just enough" according to their age. Most of the time, they were satisfied with the answer provided and didn't probe further. :P

Generally I'm very open and honest, but there have been some things I didn't bring up at all, or actively protected him from, because I thought they were just too much for right then. For an extreme example, DS was about that age in September of 2001, and because of a bit of luck followed by a bit of good planning managed to avoid ALL of the news coverage of the World Trade Center. There was absolutely no way I was going to bring it up, even obliquely, because we were about to get on an airplane several days later (actually the first international flight out at the end of the week). If he panicked it was going to be completely unmanageable.

He eventually heard about it, but at the much more comfortable distance of a few years. At this point (9) I think I'd tell him about anything, but not at 2... and especially not things that hit close to home. It's one thing to tell a child that there is suffering in the world, and another thing altogether to point out specific instances that could affect him directly. It's kind of like people who feel compelled to tell pregnant women all their labor and delivery horror stories... Everyone knows there's a risk, but you don't have to bring it up to someone is in the thick of it.

I think this is totally right until they understand Probability, etc. Some people never do that. When I was pregnant, everyone told their horror stories. Why? This was already my fourth pregnancy with no births yet. I was already having problems. I really did not need to know that.

I do warn her about things that are necessary, such as why she does not wander around alone.

GT's are so sensitive anyway. They really think it over and if they are too young to fully understand it, it is scary.

My only concern would be that something might happen like what happened at my house. My girls heard about calling 911 to get the fireman or the police to help. (This I didn't find out about until later.) So anyway, one night my husband and I are busy moving furniture around moving kids rooms and the police show up at my door. My DD had called 911, gotten scared when questioned and left the phone off the hook. The police were of course dispatched. Later that night after questioning my daughter we discovered that she couldn't find her "stuffy" and knew we were busy. She thought the police might "help".

I think you need to be age appropriate but honest. We got an age appropriate board book about police and fireman and their "jobs" and needless to say a board book about when to dial 911.

Yes, I am debating the same thing with DD 26mos. re: death, sex and the food chain. So far, I just give her a realistic but not overly detailed explanation. So far, so good. There's a chicken in the book, There's a chicken at the farm, There's a chicken on your plate, doesn't seem to bother her. Yet.

She understands "boo boos" and is not freaked out by my saying an ambulance is for very big boo-boos. We've had to take her to the ER for breathing difficulty and she's had a few procedures done at the pediatrician's, she handled those situations well (it helps that she thinks she's a doctor LOL).

Last week her great aunt died, but we have not adequately covered that concept, except to talk about her deceased grandfathers and uncles. Of course she thinks she's buddies with my deceased brother, but that's another kettle of fish. I play past that one.

How did any of us learn and accept these concepts? I think we can't be perfect at delivering the news of the way the world works.

As far as dialing 911 goes, I'm sure the fire dept. didn't mind too much that it was a false alarm.

I think you go off their cues. If they are satisfied with the simplified explanation then great ... leave it at that. But if they question that then clearly more will need to be added. It doesn't mean you go from 0 to 60 MPH in 6 seconds. There are many levels to a discussion so baby step it and let them guide how much they need to know.

Food chain I was pretty blunt about... I figured it wouldn't be too long before "turkey" and "turkey" were matched up, and Thankskgiving at risk, so when he was two we went to the state fair and I took him around the poultry house, saying things like "chickens are yummy"... "ducks, well lots of people like them but I think they're kind of greasy"... "I've never tried a goose but they used to be very traditional for Christmas dinner..."

If he had refused meat after that it wouldn't have been a tragedy -- I just didn't want him to realize it in the middle of a big family celebration when he was already tired and set up for a meltdown...

It stuck, by the way. A friend of ours refuses to eat any pork products because "pigs are as smart as dogs"... to which DS said, without missing a beat, "yeah but pigs taste better than dogs"