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I certainly wasn't sad that DS was/is GT. I was happy about that. I was sad when he was no longer fitting in at school. He was miserable. His personality was changing. Everyone around me is beaming about how GREAT our school district is. Everyone moves here for this district which is now bursting at the seams. Granted his K teacher was HORRIBLE and mostly everyone in the class thought so - so that year I could write off. His 1st grade year was fine, started complaining when the teacher wound things down in March b/c the kids had met the standards (she gets the *high* kids). In 2nd grade his teacher was really trying!!! She talked me, I was open w/ her, she gave some more challenging work but it wasn't enough. Then the daily 2hr fights over homework just wore me out. He's being HS'd now.

I wasn't sad that he was GT. I was mourning the loss of time alone w/ my baby (my last baby), scared of the responsibility of being totally responsible for his education. When I was in school, I loved all the performances, science fairs etc and having my mom attend. I also mourned the loss of being a *normal* person rather than the one who is advocating, being pushy, demanding more for her kid. I had a mom who fought the fight and succeeded (where no one has before) and she told me, after talking to her, that being from the South, I didn't stand a chance. I was too nice, non-confrontational to get very far. She had to go as far as getting a lawyer and threatening to sue the school. That just makes me positively squeamish.

And HSing is just not done here - there is no need b/c we have such a great school district I've been told. So there is no support network here. There are other HSers north of me, about 30-60min away but w/ a toddler, traveling far is difficult. I also decided to put my Ker in school so we're constrained by his time schedule. DS8 is not an easy child and I couldn't deal w/ his issues (developed from being underchallenged for 3yrs) w/ DS5 at home. I live out in the burbs and over an hour away from any museums so even the wonderful homeschool I envision for DS is not possible and I mourned the loss of that lol.

So I guess what made me sad was the loss of being part of the crowd, heading out for coffee w/ all the moms once the kids are in school, putting my career even further on hold to HS DS, losing time w/ DD, losing time to exercise and do anything for me. Don't misunderstand me, I'm not resentful, but I did go through a short, very short mourning period of all things normal and the free time I"d have once DS5 was in school to get caught up on their scrapbooks, etc.

I know my feelings will probably change, but I honestly feel excited for my daughter (and for myself and dh that get to watch hre grow and learn). I don't want to put too much pressure on her so I have to be careful, but I am excited at the chance that some doors may be opened for her that were closed for me. So excited is definitely a feeling I have, but pure exhaustion is another feeling! She is non stop. She is constantly asking questions, wanting to look at everything...touch, smell, listen...everything is interesting to her (except most of the thigns that you would think a 2 year old would like!). It's tiring!

So sadness, and grief are not feelings that I have at this moment, but I definitely understand how sadness could occur in the future...maybe during the school days?

Austin - yeah on great apgar scores!!!

I went through something similar as Austin and his wife and I definitely went through a period of mourning the loss of a normal pregnancy. Hmmm I never thought how similar these two situations were.

I think for me, it's my own baggage. I was very lonely as a kid and besides being told I was so smart that I was "gifted" no one ever explained that my inability to relate to people, my loneliness, my just "weirdness" was all related. I could never understand why I wasn't like other people, why they seemed like completely foreign creatures, interesting to look at, but completely untouchable because there was this invisible barrier. I spent so much of my life feeling like there was something *wrong* with me.

I'm not sad that my kids are smart, I can handle the education- that's the easy part for me (at least at the moment). What I'm sad, scared, angry, worried about is that they won't ever feel "normal", they won't ever know what it's like to have a best friend, to be invited to slumber parties, to go on dates, or just hang out at the mall. What DS7 wants most in the world right now is a friend who gets him- just 1. And I can't give it to him.

A bit OT, but too good to pass up:


Shari -
You are describing my ideal world right here! I would love it if every child, instead of getting a label, got education that was at their readiness level. Instead of our children being 'special' - I would like folks in general to understand that all children have developmental strengths and weaknesses and that we match the education to the child. On that day, the need for deciding if a child is 'MG/HG or PG' will drop away. Some call this the 'one-room school house' model, because it comes so naturally to teachers who teach in this way.

Knowing that your child has this, reminds me that we are so close. Just a bit of school-home communication, just a bit of 'making good 'end of year' assessments' for every subject and grade, just a bit of wiggle room for the child who is ready for Algebra but not ready for multiplictaion tables, or ready to discuss 'Death of a Salesman' but not ready to write a 5 paragraph essay about it.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I love my boys and wouldn't change them for the world, but I have to say there is a sadness that creeps in when they have problems at school, can't find like-minded friends and other parents say insensitive things etc. Even something like DH taking DS6 swimming this morning ended in tears as the local pool was too busy and too noisy and DS6 found it totally overwhelming and just started crying. I think that when you have a child who reacts a lot to environments etc. it can be upsetting seeing them struggle and can cause a lot of concern about how they will cope.
I would never suggest it is anything like having cancer, but there is for me a sadness that DS6 and DS4 are not and will never be carefree children. They are anxious about numerous things (death, war, noise, too many people, black holes - the list is endless). Neither of them deal with seperation from home to go to school very well and they both find school quite stressful.
I am not ungrateful, but sometimes I do wish that life was easier for them (that is only natural as I am a parent) and I feel a huge responsilbilty to make sure that they are able to cope with life as they get older. Obviously all children are different and this is just my opinion based on my experiences with my boys, maybe I just don't deal with it as well as everyone else.