Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Why can't you get them something fun?

My family gave me a really hard time when I told them what dd7 and dd9 were getting for Christmas. Lots of math/science kits and books were on the list. Can I help it if that is what they ask for?

How do you respond? I did say that this is what they asked for and when the dds were asked they repeat that this is what they asked for. I thought that would settle it, but now my family thinks I push the girls too hard academically and they have "forgotten" how to be children!

Thank you for your thoughts!

We're in a similar boat, although our parents know how much DS x 2 like their books.

Don't have a good suggestion for you, only that I know what you mean. The boys are getting some new legos, so that generally fits into the category of "fun". I tell my folks that the can also get them some sports activity things too (the younger DS loves football).

JB

My parents can buy them whatever they want. Mom thinks they would like dolls and such. Unfortunately, dds have never been into dolls or barbies (I have tons in the attic to prove it!)

Interestingly, my sister had a bag of books her son was giving away. The kids found it and you would have thought they had won the lottery!! (and I was no where near them when that happened.) They just LOVE books!

Good morning Mamabear,

I am mixed on this one. Last week DD was sick with stomach flu and we were at relatives for Thanksgiving, so days of watching TV and eating saltines. When we came home and DH was unloading the car and I was unpacking, DD went straight to the bookshelves and started reading. I usually expect her get a toy or something. But she was starved for mental stimulation or something. She read a few books.

She has a long day at Montessori preschool 9-3:30, 5 days a week. She takes piano lessons now, so practices everyday, takes ballet. And she does like to do math games and mazes, but I try and keep it balanced with her. Yesterday, we only had one taker with the weather, but we went for an adventure walk through the north woods in Central Park. I hosted a princess playdate, where they all dressed up in her costumes. And our annual holiday is to Disney World (though now we divide it up with land and sea -- the cruise has time off for me). I would rather go on a rainforest adventure Brazil or to Seville, but I try leverage the "child" factor.

I do not know if there are children that are that serious. There is a little girl in her ballet class. Both older brothers are in the gifted school. She goes to all these classes and she is expected to do homework with her brothers and she does all this math and stuff and this is her routine. The nanny told me there isn't time for playdates and I notice she doesn't seem to have the creative/fantasy play thing going when the girls are hang together for the 10 minutes before ballet.

My childhood friend, seriously PG, offered classified jobs from her doctorate in nuclear engineering, only had the creative play thing with me. Her father was very strict about their schedules, doing science experiments. Not that it wasn't fun, but she mentions now, it wasn't balanced. She has a great career, refused to have chilren. Hard to have chilren and enter that world when you are so serious.

Only my thoughts, and, as I said, I am on the fence. I am sure others have theirs.

Good luck.

Ren

I guess we are lucky in that our friends and family don't seem to think DS's educational fun stuff is odd. (Although I still have a hard time keeping the pattern blocks as a gift - seems to me i should just provide the educational toys instead of gifting them. But I know he would think they are a cool gift, so there it is.)

JBDAD - we also just tell people "anything with Legos" when they ask what they can get for DS4, and that works. (Incidentally, I discovered a discontinued lego game that i ordered called Constructionary, which is like pictionary but with legos. Looks cool if you can find it cheap!)

How about board games? There are so many fabulous science and math oriented board games out there. Or maybe DVD's like the Planet Earth or Blue Planet series or even Walking with Dinosaurs etc... "The Queen of Trees" is our all time favorite episode of the PBS Nature series.

They do like board games and I was able to get an interactive DVD about animals for dd7 who is animal crazy! We have many of the PBS animal DVDs. We do like board games, dd9 wants a new chess set too.

Wren,

I completely understand what you are saying and it is a concern. I too have a PG friend who has a little girl who is 14. Her PG Mom will admit that she has problems with the everyday life. When people comment on her intelligence she always says it is not exactly a gift and she would rather be a little less intelligent if it meant she could truly function in society. Her 14 year old has suffered too especially when her mom goes into serious depression and can't go to work or take her child to school or activities. I am not saying she is the norm for PG and I am sure she has some other issues beyond just being PG (not that PG is an issue) but I do know she was pushed as a child and never really had a fun childhood so you see her trying to overcompensate with her DD and put her into way too many activities and buy way more than she could afford.

If science experiments and math books are what the kids ask for, then that's what you get them! That's a no-brainer.

My response to critics would be something like, "Well, this is what they asked for because this *IS* fun for them. They just love seeing what happens when they try new things. They're so curious!" With a big, carefree smile.

The carefree smile is the key. If you seem nervous about what you're doing, they'll smell the fear and pounce on you. But quiet confidence works virtually every time.

We're lucky that DS comes from a long line of geeks (on both sides!) -- so if left to their own devices the grandparents are happy to get him geeky gifts. The first time he asked about electricity when my dad was around (when DS was 5), they ended up at Radio Shack loading up a basket with components. My dad is the proverbial kid in the candy store at Radio Shack!

And no one blinks when he wants "cryptography books" -- the librarians and obsessive readers on both sides of the family both jump immediately to "has he read ____ yet?"

But there are toys he likes too -- Legos, Transformers, Pokemon, Bakugan, anything with tiny little parts... and that satisfies any relatives that don't know what to do with "cryptography books"