Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school 4 year old doesn't ask questions

Does anyone else here have a child who doesn't ask questions?

DD4 is a smart, active kid, quick learner, great memory, good social skills, good vocab, etc., but she doesn't ask questions at all. At least, not the inquiring kind. Have you seen my ball, can I have a cookie, can we go to the playground, etc. - these are the only sorts of questions she asks.

If I ask her open-ended questions (What do you think the weather is like above the clouds? How do you think your bike works?) she's capable of giving me a thoughtful answer. But she never asks questions. Which is unusual, right?

Anyone else ever have a kid like this?

It's great that she's got a brain that seems to process things efficiently, but I'd really like for her to have a curious mind too. I'm thinking about getting a rewards system going to encourage her to ask thoughtful questions, and to get her in the habit of thinking curiously about her environment. What do you think? Overkill?

She's fine. ❤ Don't worry about any idea of what she "should" being doing. She is absolutely perfect as she is.

Before jumping to a reward system (at any point), I suggest reading "Punished by Rewards" and/or "Unconditional Parenting" both by Alfie Kohn. It's an eye-opener!!

My 9 year old was never a question-asker when he was young. Doesn't make him less intelligent. I'm thankful he wasn't a question-asker because, well, that would be hard and he would have learned too fast. He's already learning too fast for my comfort. 😂

Thanks for the reassurance sanne. Yes, she is perfect just as she is.

Portia, she started school in September (it's like a pre-school class inside a primary school).

I always say ds9 doesn't although many would disagree. Mostly he comes up with a theory then discusses it. I was the same. Only if he can't come up with an acceptable theory will he ask why type questions.

Some of tbe theories are great some are very funny. When they are funny it is usually because he was missing a crucial piece of information due to inexoerience so i fill him in and he rethinks it.

Puffin, that's interesting. So far I haven't seen evidence of much theorising, or at least she doesn't try to discuss theories with us, but who knows, she's only just turned 4

Portia, no difference since she's started school. She's just never been a question asker. Occasionally maybe a vocab question, but none of the typical 'why' questions that kids supposedly ask all day. When she gets home from school I'll ask about her day, she'll tell me what she did, then she just wants to kick a ball or run around, play games, dress up, draw, play with her ipad, etc.

Is she a talker in general, but doesn't ask questions, or is she just generally more reticent? If she is generally quiet, it may be that she prefers to keep her questions to herself. Some children have a much richer interior life than is apparent even to those who are closest to them. You've already established that she is thoughtful, and makes good connections, so the capacity for curiosity is there. You also mention that she is active, and enjoys doing things, which is quite normal for a preschooler. She may be exploring and inquiring in her active play. Perhaps actions speak louder than words.

Sorry for the late reply aeh. She uses her mouth a lot, but not for conversation She'll narrate her imaginative play, make up songs, bark out orders to the rest of the family, commentate her own soccer games, and sometimes just make random noises for the sake of making noise, but she really doesn't chat much.

I think you're probably right, that she's exploring and learning through her active play. I just thought the lack of questions was odd. I guess the other thing I'm not considering here is that she just started school in a foreign language, so her brain might be busy learning the new language and the questioning phase might come later for her.

Here's a funny follow-up story.

DD is now 10. She's been doing some ADHD testing recently and part of it was a questionnaire - the type where you circle a number from 1 to 5 to indicate how frequently you do something, (1) being 'never', (5) being 'always'.

One of the questions was "I question everything: how things work, the meaning of things, why things are the way they are...".

DD circled 5.

I looked at her.

I clarified that "cuestiono todo" means questioning because you're curious, not questioning for the sake of arguing. (We're in Spain, the tests are in Spanish).

She confirmed that she understood the question and that yes, she has "so many questions, all the time, in her head."

I asked her why on earth, in all these years, had she never even once asked about any of those questions???

And she said...

"Because I don't want answers - I like thinking about them."

There you have it. My kid, who I genuinely thought had zero interest in the world, has actually been curious all along

I love this! The nature of her curiosity is much deeper than typical questions. And clearly she figured out very early that the usual adult response to questions is closed answers that take all the fun out of her questions for the sake of questioning.