Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Bad fit or needs help?

DS grade 8 has been miserable at school.

Pulled him from school a few weeks ago after months of unhappiness. He begged to go back and now he's miserable again. Miserable and also defiant, rude etc. This happened in grade 7 (absent the defiant and rude part) and so is a pattern.

I'm happy to change direction and do DL (distributed learning) and maybe eventually homeschooling.

Here's the question - I'm stuck on whether school is just not a good fit and his temperament requires a different learning situation and whether he needs some help. Oh and he refuses to talk to anyone "why would I talk to a stranger?".

I have been super-humanly patient and calm (if I do say so myself) but I'm about to crack. He has been a more sensitive person and has had some anxiety in the past. I struggle to separate his school issues into legitimate this doesn't work from me and trouble coping/dealing.

Forcing (if it's even possible) mental health professionals on him almost almost seems like pathologizing what might just be his personality. But I'm too close and this has been happening for too long. Please help.

I don't have much advice, but can share that The Explosive Child book and corresponding website livesinthebalance.org have helped me a lot.

Sanne - thank you for your response. I actually have that book. The thing is the rudeness is quite out of character which is showing me that he's really close to the edge. He has been going to sleep later and later and after a few days he just can't cope and lashes out. Of course, much advice, device removal, wifi shutoff etc but you can't make a kid go to sleep.

Aww, poor kiddo!

If he could sleep well, he would sleep well? What is keeping him up?

I think he's self-sabotaging.

Does anyone else have a sensitive gifted kid that doesn't fit with school?

I was one. Forcing me to go to school meant I quit as soon as it was legal (15 then) and had very rough teenage years before I went back to education.The sleeping is also probably partly adolescent sleep hours starting.Does he change schools next year? Has he had a check for depression?

Hi Puffin,

Thanks for your comments.

That's my gut feeling. It's just not for him. Too much input/pressure or something. What was it that made it uncomfortable for you?

Yes, definitely the beginning of the sleep shift but he's pushing it beyond what it should be.

He isn't showing signs of depression. Has windows of his usual happy self, is lively with friends, gets out and about, is eating well etc.

Here high school starts at grade 8 so he's already in the new school.

Based on your previous threads on a similar topic, some might say there is BOTH a poor school fit AND your son needs help. Each aspect may be exacerbating the other.

He must at least be able to articulate the source/s and/or trigger/s of the difficulties with school. He may need help in being able to isolate and identify the various problems... so that the solutions will be on-target, and not make matters worse.

If he is not willing to see a counselor, maybe you could see one to get some help and support. They may be able to give you new ideas also.