Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion You know you're raising a child with OEs when...

... DS4 very generously gives DS6 one of the stuffies he received as a birthday present and DS6 bursts into tears and is inconsolable that his younger brother is having to give up one of his birthday presents.

Never thought I'd have to console my child because his brother gave him a present. Seriously.

DS2 gets so excited when he does something on his own or figures something out that he scampers over and snake bites my arm and clenches his jaw all while running in place and squealing. It sounds mean, but he's SOOO happy he doesn't know how to contain it...we're working on it. Physical OE, much?!

DD11 has always had an incredible appreciation for aesthetics. Even as a little one she would stare enraptured by a beautiful flower or sunset or painting. She listens closely to the words of songs and takes the messages - which most people probably barely notice - very much to heart.

She belongs to a fairly prestigious choral group that performs a lot. In addition to typical concerts they regularly perform at homeless shelters, hospitals, assisted living centers, etc. They even just do pop up performances on the city streets a few times a year. The idea is to bring as much music - and as much joy - to as many people as they can. Right up her alley. At her first concert with them the adults in the group sang "Dust in the Wind" by Kansas. They were performing at an assisted living center at the time and DH and I joked about the propriety of singing that particular song to a room full of elderly people, many of whom were in failing health. As we chuckled DD ran by us sobbing. The words were just SO sad... She ran out again 6 months later when family members in the group sang "I'll Be Seeing You" in honor of their recently deceased grandfather. She just felt so awful for them...

Fortunately the director gets it and told DD "that's why you are such a good performer - you are sensitive and you get the deeper meaning." She may feel sad hearing about someone's grandfather dying but set it to music and she crumbles into an emotional mess.

We have a mouse or mice visiting. I set out snap traps. DS11T1 "accidentally" set off the traps. DS11T1 took his savings to buy a glass tank, because the mouse isn't just cute, he's adorable! We need to save the mouse family and keep them as pets. I also have found suspicious tasty nibbles on the floor. Perhaps this is DS11T1s way of making me cave and get a cat?

DS11T1 twisted twin DS11T2 placed DS11T1s favorite stuffed animal in a perfect position on a glue trap.

When your DD6 bursts into tears while you're reading Harry Potter 1, when Vernon burns Harry's letters, and protests that she hates the book. Then later, she begs to read more and almost starts crying again when Harry first rides a broom and she thinks he is going to get expelled.

That's a touching story RRD.

We have had several bouts of tears in our house today because DS4 accidentally stepped on a worm.

Thanks, Ocelot. We sometimes have to remind ourselves that it's touching, because sometimes it's so exhausting that we lose sight of the beauty in it.

When your DS has to leave the butterfly conservatory because he saw a couple land on the ground and couldn't stand the idea that he (or someone else) might step on one.

And then there are lovely moments, like when your emotional OE little one is able to hold so still in the butterfly garden that multiple butterflies alight and rest there, resulting in strangers coming up to take pictures of the butterflies.

Awwww - that's sweet! Unfortunately, there's no way my DS would have stood still that long, even if he had stayed. LOL!

I had 4 land on me though, and managed to transfer one to DD by giving her my hat. I also did rescue one that had flipped over on the path (after DS left).

Or alternatively, when your DS spends all his time scouring the ground to see if any butterflies need rescuing, thereby forgetting to look up to admire the ones that are fluttering by.

Sounds like you are sweet, too! At least to butterflies.

The funny thing is, this particular child is not known for holding still (had a phase around two yo when the favored mode of travel was two-footed hopping). I've wondered if there was a sense of kinship with the fragility of butterflies. This is my intuitive kid...

When your DS5 doesn't want to read the picture book Ms Martine Breaks the Rules because, well, Ms. Martine breaks the rules. No one is allowed to break the rules, not even the protagonist in a children's picture book. Oh, and then both boys generally break into a discussion about the moral of the story.

I'm guessing maybe it would be simpler (if not easier) to raise a NT child. Somehow, everything becomes an involved discussion in our household...

Yep we don't have a swan plant anymore because we couldn't keep up with feeding the thousands of caterpillars. I didn't know you could squish the eggs. We had several emergency trips to the nursery but they eventually sold out. We went on holidays for a few weeks and I thought we would come back to a caterpillar free garden only a friendly neighour kept them all alive for us - disaster!!!!

When your little one is unable to read about Eric Carles Miracula without being inconsolable because she loses her shell. Or read "Guess how much I love you" without being inconsolably sad for the little rabbit who is unable to keep up with endearments for the big rabbit. Or read a silly story, the name of which escapes me now, about a dragon that grows so tall it runs away with the house of his back and the postman can't deliver his letters without being inconsolable for the family who will be missing their letters.

When your NOT so little one anymore refuses to help with hanging up the laundry because touching the wet cotton fabric makes him feel so unbearably shivery to the point of screaming. Grrrr.

Your DD at 7 has to stop watching Bolt because she feels so bad for him when it becomes obvious to him that his super powers' were simply staged.

I'm so glad this OEs thread has caught on! I don't know about anyone else, but it really helps me to get reminders that DS6 and D5 (to a lesser extent) are not the only ones with all this intensity.

A few more examples on our end: 1. Three major bouts of tears over an old chair we gave away. 2. Getting very (very!) worked up that no one else was allowed to tell daddy that he swam a whole lap of the pool. To avoid anyone else blurting it out, he finally ran ahead to be the first into the house.

DD11 is a musical theater kid who constantly sings. Constantly. About a year ago she wrote a song that has worked its way in to her daily collection of show tunes. The lyrics are really poetic and way more nuanced and mature than I ever would have expected a 10 year old to have written.

This is her third summer attending an amazing arts camp. Every day they have "lunchtime concerts" and any camper or staff member can perform. I think this is one of her favorite parts of this camp - both performing and watching all the different performances each day. Today she decided to premier her song. She came home embarrassed because it was SO well received. Apparently huge cheers, loads of accolades. Everyone commenting to her the rest of the day. She has sung at these concerts a number of times before so is used to congratulations, high fives and "good jobs". I assume the big response was to the fact that she wrote this song herself and I have to honestly say I'm pretty impressed by it myself. She is saying things like "I wish they didn't love it" and that it makes her feel bad that it was such a hit.

I'm confused. The best I can come up with is that she is such a poetic soul she almost feels like a piece of her has been given away.

I wish I had known she was performing this song today - I certainly would have been there and of course recorded it. This way though I am relying on her report.

Anyone else have a kid whose OE leads to self deprecation? It seems like a combination of creative angst and imposter syndrome...

That's interesting Pemberley. Is she not able to explain why she feels that way? Our DS6 might have that sort of reaction if he feels like he is getting more accolades than the other kids, because he would feel like it wasn't "fair". Is that a possible explanation, given her personality?

In fact, come to think of it, DS6 has felt badly that he preferred one inanimate object over another before. It seems crazy, but he cares that much about fair and equal treatment.

I'm not sure if what I am about to share is an OE, but this seems like the best place for this story.

Last night DS5 had his swimming lessons at our local outdoor pool. After the lesson we went to the attached park. It was a beautiful evening and there was a "music in the park" free concert going on. We decided to walk over to the stage area and listen to one or two songs before heading home. There was only one man on the stage and we arrived in time to watch/hear him sing an acoustic version of a lesser-known Neil Young song. DS5 was immediately taken with the music, asking me to record it and wanting me to hold him up so that he could see better. He was so moved by the music that he started hugging me tight and putting his head down on my shoulder. I asked him if he was okay and he said he loved the song and that it made it feel "happy-sad". We decided to leave after the song was over but when we got to the parking lot, it was obvious that DS5 was upset by something. When I asked him what was wrong, he said through tears that he "loved that song" and that he just had to know what song it was. Luckily DH was able to figure it out and we didn't have to go back to the bandstand to wait until the set was over so that we could ask the musician what song it was!

What a precious gift to be so moved by music that it makes you cry. I wasn't expecting to see this in a child so young but I now know that we had better give this kid more opportunities to listen to music and see it performed live. He had his piano lesson this morning... I am hoping that music will continue to be a source of joy/sorrow for him as he grows up.

That's a lovely story!

Yes - my DS8 is like this. He recently attended a camp where there was acting. He came home and told me that his camp counselor said something that DS did NOT agree with. Apparently his counselor told him that DS was very good at acting and liked the British accent he used in his role!

Another counselor told me the same when I dropped DS off the next day.

I'm pretty sure it's a combination of not wanting the attention (that comes from praise) and perfectionism (he feels it wasn't perfect).

I have another relative who is the same way.

HJA, our sons are sooooo alike! That sounds exactly like something DS6 would do/say.

When you pick up your DS at school and he's bawling his eyes out because his friends (yes, he is developing friendships!) want to start a rock band and he's beyond heartbroken because he's pretty convinced that you can't play the flute in a rock band.

Of course, he hasn't even learned to play any instruments yet (they start piano lessons in a few weeks), so he's really getting ahead of himself.

I promised we could search for a rock band that has a flutist. Any ideas anyone?

OMG - Jethro Tull. Flute in spades.

Omg, you have just made me so happy! Can't wait until the end of the work and school day so I can share with him! Yay.

Check this out, being a Jethro Tull fan myself I am old enough to remember when almost every movie sound track had a bootsie Collins like bass line with obligatory groovy flute interludes:-

great rock flute solos

Obviously, you may need to filter the above list depending on age and willingness to expose fragile young minds to the likes of the Beastie Boys - LOL

Manheim steamroller?

So... DS8's OEs continue to flourish in spades. One of many: He constantly needs to be reminded not to interrupt, interject or blurt out answers, questions and theories in class. I've finally suggested to the teacher that he might benefit from a notebook where he could jot down all of his ideas and questions, so that he could save them for a more appropriate time. If only his desire to learn and exchange on ideas could be channeled more effectively!

Btw, if anyone is interested in reading about OEs, I am finding "Living With Intensity: Understanding the Sensitivity, Excitability, and the Emotional Development of Gifted Children, Adolescents, and Adults" to be pretty interesting and informative so far.

RRD - a slight variation that works for some kids: notepad or whiteboard where they can write the answer and angle it so the teacher can see. This way, they *do* get to answer immediately, but they don't interrupt, nor monopolize. Glad he's flourishing!

When you can't play half your music collection, and regularly have to hurry past buskers, because the songs are 'too sad' and make your kid cry.

When you child becomes distraught that people don't ask after his pet fish when inquiring into the well-being of the family, "because [fish] is a core family member and deserves to be asked after".

LazyMum and Aquinas, DS8 has both of those sensitivities as well. When he says that I'm the best mom in the world, he'll say DH is the best dad in the world, and same goes for DS6, both cats, and all 6 fish.

Aaahhh, yes! And then there's the scene when you don't agree that your child loves you more than you love him/her, but that your loves are equal (or you might just love your child more). Your child launches himself/herself straight at you, and you end up floundering under a tsunami of kisses and hugs in a proof counter-attack. So sweet, yet so potentially injurious...!!

Huh. Hadn't given that much thought to this particular one...but now that I think about it, DC#1 has a slightly different manifestation of this--known for saying to teachers, in all sincerity, that they are the best teacher ever. Which has been quite helpful in differentiation and acceleration situations, I will say, as everyone wants to help a child who is effusively positive about the adults responsible for them. #1, I think, actually makes teachers better with loads of positive reinforcement.

DD wanted to invite her teachers to her birthday party, and sometimes asks me if I can arrange playdates with them, bless.

Also: only got half the shopping done yesterday because a sad song came on the supermarket speakers and we had to haul butt to get out before DD melted into tears. Most of the time I get her to put her fingers in her ears and go 'la la la' but yesterday that wasn't cutting it. Sigh.

LazyMum, I love the teacher thing.

Our latest: DS8 always has to say "I love you" as the very last parting phrase at bedtime or when one of us leaves the house. I finally asked him why and he said it's because my mom passed away when I was a child and he wants to be sure that the last thing he ever says to us is "I love you".

He's not overly anxious about it, but he will always repeat it after everything else has been said. So if I say "Sleep well", he'll repeat it again.

Oh, dear sweet intense child.

Mm. Anxious, intense #2 has been known to lie weeping silently in bed because one of us missed a bedtime hug. Not just as a small child, either.

My DS6 often makes me special mementos to take into work “as reminders that I love you, Mama.” Tonight’s gift was a scarf he made out of fabric in our two favourite colours. I received detailed instructions on how best to wear it (“no, Mama, you should wear it like *this* like the French do”).

Oh these kids are just too sweet. <3 <3 <3

When you find your second grader in a heap on the couch, tears running down his face, eyes puffy, and you figure surely the dog has died or some other tragedy has occurred because he has obviously been crying for a while. No, he just found his kindergarten handprint poem and was reminded that he is growing up and will never be that small again.

Or when your 13yo is heartbroken because her dog did die.

Rather, the dog was hers when she was 2, she has visited it exactly twice that she can remember, and didn't exactly bond with it when she did.

Oh, bless her. We can relate. The same kid who was crying over his handprint poem also had a complete breakdown about my aunt's dog. This is a dog we would only see at specific family gatherings, maybe three times a year. The dog died, I did not tell him because I didn't want to deal with the devastation, then when my aunt did eventually tell him he was outraged that she was able to tell him without breaking down herself (it had been months). He is now angry at all of us for not telling him when it happened, and in the year that has passed since he found out, he has cried over this dog at bedtime several times. This dog which was not his, and he interacted with maybe six times in his life. Big feelings about EVERY THING.

My parents need to stop acting so mystified by DS8's anxiety over movies. They've clearly forgotten how terrified *I* was of movies after they inadvertantly forced me to watch the entirety of the horror flick "The Dark Crystal" as a child. They really need to get their inner Elsa going and Let It Gooooooooooo.

Took DD5 to the movies for the first time the other week. Picked the happiest sounding movie I could find. Still ended in loud, wailing tears and us having to leave early.

Also, she refuses to use the last lot of toilet paper we bought, because the puppy on it is too cute. I had to go out and find some more, with a different print, just for her.

Oh, I can so relate to every one of these posts! I am so happy I started this thread.

Just a few of ours that are similar to some of the above:

- Yesterday, DS8 brought up an old living room chair we got rid of years ago. He was sad because the cats had shredded the back of it (using it as a scratching post) and we no longer had this "souvenir" of the cats.

- DS8 sometimes cries because our cats will die someday.

- DS6 will run out of the room whenever a movie or tv show gets too scary, or when someone does something that will get them in trouble. For context, this happens even during old Bugs Bunny shows.

- And an oldie but a goodie: DS8 was still TERRIFIED of Swiper when he was 5 years old (DS6 loved the show when he was 3). DS8 couldn't handle any scene with Swiper in it.