Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Second grade skip - tell me positive stories!

How many years it has been since you skipped your child? How is your DC doing academically and socially, if you don't mind me asking?

DC stayed in that school through the seventh grade, doing well, and then has been home schooled since, not so much because of social difficulties with the placement, but because that private school ended at the 8th grade, and had no math offerings (other than independent virtual school online) beyond algebra I. And our public schools were not realistic options for us. We maintained a loose association with the school, mainly for social reasons, for a few years after moving to home schooling, which was positive. If the school had had grades through high school, it is highly likely that we would have stayed with it for at least a couple more years.

This particular DC is very social, and moves easily and gracefully in and out of a wide range of social situations, including much older (participates in adult community groups, as a peer, and has since very early adolescence) and much younger communities.

If the school is not familiar with the IAS, this is a great link to share: https://www.accelerationinstitute.org/Resources/IAS.aspx

As an academic magnet, the school may also be interested in Davidson's Educators Guild. This is a supportive path for teachers to explore the concept of gifted education in depth.

My eldest skipped two grades, and we're both of two minds about it. On the one hand, it was a big help academically. On the other hand, when he started reaching higher grades (8th), it got harder on him. He was still a small kid and his male classmates were having growth spurts and getting deep voices. Most of the girls were bigger than him. That sort of thing. Later, some people started reacting to the skips and not seeing him as a person.

My daughter has only skipped one grade, but her birthday is so late, she's still younger than the kids a grade behind her. She has some of the same frustrations my son has had. These frustrations have developed as she's become older and more aware of herself and the world around her. In some ways, both kids regret the skips. In some ways, they don't. We encourage my daughter to take a gap year after high school or to spend an extra year in a local dual enrollment program, as my son is.

Grade skips aren't easy decisions. I understand that many people say that their kids do fine, but it's important to remember that not all kids do well, especially during adolescence when everyone else is growing in ways that you can't conceive of yet, and talking about subjects that you don't understand for physiological reasons. This is why, IMO, it's important to get input from people with older kids. I thought that two skips was a great idea when my eldest was in 6th grade. Not so much two years later. Now I just see shades of grey.

I understand that the academics can be mind-numbing for a non-skipped child and that lack of a skip creates its own problems. It's just that I advise against considering only academics when considering a skip, or allowing yourself to be swayed by enthusiasm of others. In other words, weigh lots of factors carefully.

I'm sorry that I can't be more helpful, but it's complex question.

I agree with Val on this - sorry I can't give you a straight-up positive story, but you did ask for cautionary too. My caution doesn't come from my own children - we chose not to grade accelerate based on the experiiences of friends' children who'd been 1-2 grades accelerated early on, in early-mid elementary, with parents enthusiastic and eager for the advanced academics, only to have the parents begin to regret the decision as their children went through middle school and on into high school because of the age difference compared to classroom peers. If your dd is excited about the skip, II'd definitely consider it, but I would first think through how you feel about potential social situations - puberty/hormones/school dances/dating/friends having drivers licenses etc. Consider where you think she's at in terms of sexual awareness etc - is she ready for all that comes with kids - friends and boys who might want to date her - moving through puberty (personality can be really significant here). After you have your own thoughts sorted out, if you feel you're ok with the skip in terms of both social and academic situation, talk to your dd about the full circle of what moving up again means - when will she be dating/driving/etc compared to the other kids in her class, how will she feel about that, what rules will you have re riding with friends driving etc and how will she feel about it - all of those things.

Academics in grade school were incredibly frustrating at times for 2 of my kids - the pace of classroom discussion was slow, they couldn't learn at their own speed, and my ds in particular was very annoyed by being in class with students who didn't "get it" as quickly as he did. Once they reached middle school, however, subject acceleration became an option and once they hit high school it was much easier to find programs and classes that met their needs without requiring grade skips.

So - coming back around to academics, it sounds like the issue with your dd started with subject acceleration in math as the primary need. How does your dd feel about the other subjects she's in at school? Does she feel bored etc? How does she think things will be different by skipping a grade with respect to science, history, language arts etc? There are also other things you might want to consider (depending on your dd's interests) - for instance, if she's in band, is the high school band competitive? Will she potentially not get into the upper level band as soon as she would have if she stayed in her current grade and had one more year of middle school band? (I know that might sound beyond silly to some, but the whole key is - this is a very individual situation.) I would also ask your dd what it is she wants from skipping another grade. Be sure you understand what it means to her, and that that is something you feel is a reasonable expectation. One thing my kids found out through subject acceleration is - just because you've moved up a technical level, doesn't mean you've moved up into a classroom with kids who are all thinking as quickly as you'd like. Ultimately for my kids, the thing that made the most impact in their education was being placed in gifted classrooms with high ability students, rather than specific grade level.

Last thing I'll add is what ultimately made the difference for me in deciding not to have my kids skip - I don't want them leaving home before they have to. Sounds hopelessly selfish I'm sure, but I only have this one set of kids to raise, and once they get to high school you really realize how quickly our time with them at home passes. I'd give anything to add on years of high school just to have them home longer... maybe they aren't as far ahead technically in math or science or whatever as some equally-capable other kids are, but in spite of not skipping and having had those elementary years of academic frustration, they haven't lost their love for learning and they haven't lost their motivation. The key for them was more in finding engaging classrooms and equally capable peers when possible rather than simply grade-skipping up the ladder.

Please know I'm not trying to be discouraging - just offering you a few things to think through. Chances are if your dd wants to do the skip and the school says she's ready, she's ready. If you think it through and are comfortable with it, do it and don't look back - she'll be fine.

Best wishes,

polarbear

This is very eloquent.

Unambiguously positive story here. My DS entered kindergarten a year early and then had a second skip from 4th to 5th, so he's 11 and will be going into 8th grade. So far, I don't have any doubts or second thoughts--DS is thriving academically and extremely happy socially. He can't imagine being in a lower grade and would have to be dragged there kicking and screaming.

But we've also had just about everything going for us. DS attends a small, nurturing, incredibly flexible K-12 private school where age means very little and kids are used to radical skips. Also, DS has had no 2E issues, is very comfortable in his own skin and in the world and has always been very mature. Even with two skips under his belt, his teacher has told us that he's the most mature kid in the class and that his love of learning has actually rubbed off on other, older kids.

Of course, puberty could complicate things, but I'm taking all of this one year at a time, and right now we're good all around. I don't worry about him graduating early because I had always hoped he'd do an exchange program during high school; now, we're just planning for that to fill a gap year.

My own experience has also shaped my decisionmaking. My mom was offered and declined skips for me, and by my junior year in high school I was going-out-of-my-mind ready for college.

Very eloquent. It makes me sad to be somewhere those classrooms don't exist.

My son skipped third, and is sort of skipping seventh next year. They are creatively scheduling him and I think officially he will be a seventh grader but some classes will be eighth grade and some 9th with only one seventh grade class. He was pretty depressed last year. Hoping we can turn it around.

I won't rehash my own whole story here, but highlights from my own experience and the experiences of my siblings, with multiple grade skips/radical acceleration:

1. The social adjustment was easiest for females.
2. Having a strong, stable peer social community outside of the schooling environment moderated (did not eliminate) the social impact of multiple skips.
3. For at least one sibling, widening the social gap with additional skips was the least-worst alternative to intellectual asphyxiation. Asynchrony is going to be a factor one way or the other; minimizing academic mismatch was more important for these particular learners at those particular times. That's a conversation that needs to be had: which aspect of asynchrony is the least/most detrimental at this time.
4. It was vitally important, if not absolutely essential, to have informed consent from the child. One of us was offered a placement that would have resulted in full-time matriculation into college at 13, but declined it, on the basis of a thoughtful self-assessment of social-emotional maturity, entering the program a year later, instead. In retrospect, that was a wise joint decision between parents and child.
5. You can only make decisions based on the needs of the child in front of you right now. Available resources, and more importantly, the child's needs, can change very quickly. A skip (or no skip) now doesn't necessarily lock you into any particular path.