Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion over estimating child's ability

Just wondering how many of you experience the flip side of doubt? Every now and then I think ah well she has such a high IQ and give her a book I think she'll like and find half way through she has no idea what's going on....

So my life basically goes from being in total denial of giftedness to being delusional about how brilliant she is.... sigh.

I struggle to find a happy medium where I'm in the "zone of proximal development" with what I'm making available to her. Anyone have any tips? DD5 is still not quite stating what she'd like to do and is mostly happy to go with our suggestions, although she is now starting to develop her own in depth interest in 1 or 2 things.

Honestly, this is why we never found a great reason to have "the number."


The child that you have in front of you day to day is more than a number will ever tell you. You can parent for potential, with that number in mind...

You can't parent that way and do it lovingly and responsively, though-- it feels like being raised by vulcans or something. Might want to catch Rick Moranis' character in Parenthood if you haven't seen it in a while. Just saying.



Offer things-- and don't emotionally invest in whether or not they "stick" or for how long. DD didn't care for most non-fiction at that age. Some other kids don't like fiction. Or only want to read... Magic Treehouse books. Or Rainbow Fairies. (Barf)

I say this with all gentleness and with a fair amount of been-there-done-that:

maybe she just doesn't need pushing right now. Maybe she needs time to just be five and let the intellectual development fall where it may. Might be time to follow HER lead and not impose any enrichment ON her.

I'd also replace "do" with "try" in your questions to her about her interests and activities. That way she knows that she has your permission to say "no, thank you" even to something that she THOUGHT that she'd like-- but doesn't.

HK has great advice. It's hard to do, but try not to fixate on the number and instead, just expose her to many different things. She'll gravitate to those that interest her now. Some will stick, some won't, some will disappear as interests and then reappear.

We've found allowing nearly free reign at the library has worked very well over time. That said, yes, DS ran through all the Rainbow Fairy books and Captain Underpants (yuck) has been spotted at our home. He also has devoured plenty of nonfiction on everything from planets to robots to history. That sort of thing works itself out with our children.

HK, just what I was going to say.

IQ, and the intellectual capacity it represents, is a tiny fraction of what makes a person. We are parenting whole people; a five year old has many other developmental projects, some most of which are more important long-term than intellect.

We don't have "numbers" for any of our children either (although, as you know, I have excellent access to obtaining those numbers from reliable sources). At this age, our attitude has been, if DC wants to plow through half-a-year's math curriculum in a month, then great. Or do nothing but practice cutting circles for a few months--also great. (Both things which actually happened--the latter resulting in numerous oddly-shaped paper people.)

Dr. Montessori and I have differences of opinion about a number of key points, but this is where I do appreciate her maxim: "follow the child."

PS, Also happy never to see another Rainbow Fairy book again, if I can possibly avoid it.

we see this with DS5 - sometimes he likes to read a chapter book (or start it then put it aside for a long, long time) and then sometimes he just wants to read Splat the Cat or Garfield comics.

At home, we just leave books out of all levels and topics (and since he has a younger sister, we have a lot of "girl" books that he is welcome to read, and does read) and some days, he is more interested in crashing his hot wheel cars than reading. I find our kids swings back and forth all the time - sometimes wanting more advanced books/stuff then sometimes just wanting their stuffed animals and cars to play with for hours. We just make a wide range of activities available at this age.

I read numerous books where i don't remember them after i finished reading. Young kids who read well often don't have stamina to match though or enough practice to hold things in their heads. Also no matter what the number personality plays a large part. Ds8 could be really good at maths but he prefers good enough to make the extension class and lots of sports.

Thanks all - I think I may have given an impression I didn't mean to!

I really don't try to teach DD anything (I love that ref to Rick Moranis btw), I give her activity books etc that are a bit over her skill set to see if it takes, if not then no big deal. She really is not the type of kid who can be forced to learn anything she isn't into. It's just often everything seems so easy and I think oh well maybe you could try reading Rainbow Fairies (which is not ahead in terms of decoding but is in terms of comprehension?) so I give her one and then halfway through I'll say "so are you enjoying that book?" She'll say "yes but I don't really understand it"

I get what you are all saying though! I'm paranoid about putting pressure on her!

I would point out that DD's "number" was mainly to disprove behaviour issues rather than IQ, we only got a percentage anyway. 99% of the time I think it is a vast over estimation!

Oh I am struggling with this at the moment! DD goes through phases where she'll shock me by being into particle physics, or frustrate me by asking all week to watch a stupid Disney channel movie like it's the most important thing in the world. I'm right in the middle of a big push for differentiation at school and it's so hard to not feel like a fraud when she's completely gone off anything academic. I know she's gone off school reading because the way-below-her-level books at school are really uninspiring so I'm trying to keep that in mind. Dude (I think) also helpfully mentioned on the Reading Styles thread that kids' stickability may be age-appropriate even though their intellect may be years ahead, so I'm trying to keep that in mind too.
Plus I'm also trying to remind myself that *I* hardly ever push myself to the edges of my capability. I read magazines and watch stupid shows on TV and read Agatha Christie instead of War and Peace
DD has lots of half-done projects hanging around and a pile of books she "wants" to read but isn't and it's soooo hard not to nag her about them because I'm sure that only makes it worse! I guess I just have to keep the faith that soon enough she'll be back to particle physics or whatever interests her next.

Hahaha! So DD serially read every Rainbow Fairy Book she could at that age (yes, barf), while DS methodically read through Magic Treehouse. DD also was fascinated with anything about space (imagine a tiny 5-year-old girl stubbornly insisting she needs to check out a way-too-enormous stack of space books from the library)...

They each had their own interests and we went with that (we still do). The library is a GREAT way to do this. I wouldn't sweat it...it goes by much too fast! I agree with the advice you have received above.

Maybe a small point, but my almost 5yo doesn't mind if he doesn't understand a book. He loves Geranimo Stilton books and comics (mostly read alouds), but the story is over his head. We got a Nate the Great book (buddy reading), which he loved, but the storyline was just wildly beyond him (the main character is in middle school).

She's probably getting something out of the Rainbow Fairies, and if she's enjoying it, does it matter that some things are beyond her?