Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional new diagnostic info, finally

I think addressing the off-putting behaviors is pretty important. Think about those sorts of behaviors carried into college or a professional setting. He needs better coping skills.

Depends on why he's behaving like this, could it be
"Difficulty adjusting his sense of humor to the situation."

or

"Difficulty positively advocating for his needs." ?

We also have a lot of problems with teachers figuring out how to aim their help for my kids. "Hey, my kid is anxious about X and the result is Y" ends up with the teacher being sickeningly sweet and reassuring, when really they just need to cough up information.

I do want the social behaviors addressed--what I meant was, do I even bring up the past stuff? Or just save it with my documentation if there is a need to provide evidence that bad things happen when people don't understand?

I don't even want to think about, much less talk about, last year. I am pretty sure DS is doing really well right now (yay!), though, so if they were to go into the classroom at this moment in time, not sure they'd see a significant need for support.

We need a plan for when things aren't going well...

I think ultimately what you want is an IEP with a BIP (behavior intervention plan). The BIP specifies how troubling behaviors are to be dealt with. Now, usually it's used for aggression or disruption, but it can also be used very effectively for the case of "teachers are perpetually annoyed."

Make yourself a chart: Problematic behavior (or SS deficit); what has happened in the past and ultimate result of that action; exactly how you think that behavior should be addressed in order that DS learn what he needs to learn.

This chart is not necessarily to share with the team (though you can if you phrase it just right)-- it's to get your head around what in the situation has to change to get the learning done and gradually make everyone feel better about everything.

The BIP is basically columns 1 and 3: how each unwanted behavior will be addressed by the school. What steps they will take to prevent it, if it occurs what they will do about it.

The nice side effect of a BIP is that when teachers are annoyed, it makes them feel their concerns are being taken seriously. But it also outlines steps they are obligated to follow when there is specified unwanted behavior. That is, it can contrain their negative reactions and teach them how to respond most productively.

How do I characterize "disrespectful" and "unsupportive" behaviors in terms of SS?

I was rarely able to extract concrete, specific examples from teachers last year. They'd say: he needs to be supportive of his classmates or he is rude and disrespectful but when I'd ask "in what ways" or "can you give me a specific example" would receive no response.

I do have some examples of problem behaviors but those are mostly about excessive talking, interrupting, or getting up from his seat.

One thing mentioned in report was that he does not exhibit behaviors that facilitate positive teacher interactions. NP told me in conversation that refers to not thanking or seeming grateful to teachers when they "go above and beyond" for DS. What do I call that?

P.S. I am trying to train DS to smile more. When he does, he is darling because he has dimples and is really cute. His normal school countenance is Resting B Face--very serious. This is partly due to medication.

Is there a way to teach smiling?

You would make a social language goal in the IEP (has to be specific and measurable). Objectives could look something like this:

--DS will thank a teacher who has helped him at the end of the interaction, measured in 3/5 trials over three periods of the day [could be specified; you want to specify settings that will be assessed]

--DS will wait until a teacher is available to speak to him in order to begin interaction appropriately, measured in 3/5 trials over three periods of the day

--DS will be out of his seat only once more than typical peers...

I don't know if you actually want to extinguish the last one right away. It may make everything worse. You may want to put into the plan that he can have three out of seat tickets per day, given him at the start of the day, and just has to hand one to the teacher to get a break.

Oh, here's one:

--When a teacher states that she is angry, DS will calmly ask for explanation of the situation in 3/5 trials...

--When DS understands that he has done something wrong [have to work on this one, it's not truly objective and measurable yet], DS will apologize using a calm tone of voice in 3/5 trials...

Thank you! You are exactly right, what we need is the BIP. According to my sources (other parents), it is possible to get the BIP with 504--but the 504 coordinator indicated they prefer to do that with IEP.

On a different-but-related note: I just sent my first "weekly check-in" yesterday, and received feedback from three of his teachers so far.

Here's what I heard, among other things, ALL POSITIVE --
"He is a pleasure to have in class."
"His interactions with me and classmates have all been positive and I am happy to have him in my class."
"He has been on task and engaged."
He currently has As in his classes, whew!

Honestly, after the year we had last year, I feel like framing these emails. I told DS his teacher said he was a pleasure, and DS said: "I don't know why, I'm just sitting there doing my work." LOL! I do think he liked hearing it, though, because he was smiley. His face is kind of his tell. He *does* want people to like him--NP said he told her when people don't like him, there's nothing he could do about it, so he opts not to care. I think I can use that information for a social language goal, about reciprocity, perhaps?

Now I have to wait and see what the other teachers have to say, but I'm feeling very encouraged. FWIW, I think this is mostly attributable to med changes, which are going very well.

eco, I'm so glad your ds has had good reports this school year and that things are going better! I hope things at school continue to improve


FWIW, my DCD ds has very flat facial expressions except when he's laughing. He also has a monotone voice and is difficult to hear when he speaks because he speaks so quietly. I don't know have any professional advice for you, but since your ds is in middle school (I think?) you might try just explaining to him what other people expect to see. That's part of the approach we take with our ds - the other part is he's been in speech therapy and his speech therapist worked with him on facial expressions also.

Best wishes,

polarbear

I don't think "what they expect to see" will mean a lot to DS (at least it hasn't so far) but I am really excited to see that facial expressions could be part of S/L therapy. I am going to ask for his pragmatic language skills to be evaluated (if the school won't accept NP report that is filled with social communication challenges). I'm assuming that is where the "facial expressions" piece would be filed?