Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Freak show on display

DS was invited to a park playmate's birthday party over the weekend. He had a great time, but I was put into the uncomfortable position by his friend's mom because I had "the smart kid" who will be going to "the smart school."

She introduced me to other adults at the party like this: "This is George, the father of that kid who is going to (well known gifted private school) in the fall! You must be so proud of his accomplishments!"

Wow. First off, I didn't even know that this mother knew anything about that, so I was completely caught off guard. Second, my identity immediately morphed from Anonymous Dad to Dad with Freaky Kid.

I was able to steer the conversion in a different direction, but also felt compelled to explain some private things to this person I had just met. I did help clear up some misconceptions, I hope, but losing the cover of anonymity was hard.

Then again, DS and their DD get along super awesomely and there will likely be many playdates in the future. Maybe it was better for it to simply be out in the open with her mom, as now we won't have to inevitably explain ourselves in the future.

Sorry for any awkwardness, but some may say it's not so much the words as the tone... was it disparaging, tinged with jealously, or just a matter-of-fact convenient factoid to share? The more that giftedness is treated as a normal topic rather than taboo, the better gifted individuals may be accepted.

Don't be surprised if other parents may seek you out over the years to discuss any aspect of giftedness. Including this birthday girl's family... Your son's excellent rapport with this child seemed to indicate that the child may be on his wavelength... as in, may be gifted, also?

All that being said, congrats on going through whatever was required to help ensure these children may continue to enjoy each other's company. This is sure to add more happy memories to their childhoods.

I don't like that this kind of thing immediately treats us and our children as commodities rather than as human beings.

Sorry that happened to you, George.

I can empathize with that feeling, as my son was recently introduced to his friend's grandparents in public as 'that boy I told you about, the one who's super smart' by a well-meaning nice woman who I believe just really, really likes DS and how he inspires her son. It was still bizarre and I was unprepared.

Thanks for the support. It really wasn't awful for very long; it just caught me with my guard down. It definitely is a stark reminder that the general population's understanding of gifted kids (as well as assumed parental motivations for enrolling in a gifted school) is quite low.

Mostly a sense of amazement, possibly a tinge of jealousy, but it was most likely intended to be a conversation starter. I think she sensed how uncomfortable it made me feel, though, and the next time she introduced me to someone, she used a completely different subject to break the ice.

I told her that my kid doesn't usually take a shining like that to another kid unless they share creativity in play together. It worked well as a transition into talking about giftedness in general and how it might apply to her daughter. It sounds like she has a few "tells" that her mom hadn't previously considered. She thought her teachers would bring up giftedness if it were relevant, so I got to discuss how it's often not on a teacher's radar and how parents are usually better at seeing it. We also talked about gifted services available at her school district. So I was successfully able to deflect the conversation away from my kid and his new school...

When I told my spouse about the whole encounter later, she laughed (in empathy) and said, "Oh, you got the 'freak show on display' thing!" She and her parents had been through this exact situation many times when she was growing up. So not a lot has changed.

My mother was a teacher in the gifted program when I was growing up. Her best (worst) story was being approached by a complete stranger at a teacher's conference many miles from home who exclaimed, "Oh, you must be Lizzie Lastname's mom!" (Admittedly, we look a lot alike.)

You are the one referring to your child as "freaky". The friend's mom was praising you and your son. Since intelligence is highly heritable and is highly valuable to society, having gifted children is something to be proud of.

Or highly destructive to society.

It depends on it's application.

The "freak show" comment was tongue-in-cheek, derived from the comment my spouse made.

There are many things about my son that make me proud. Am I proud of him for trying new things when it would be easy not to? Absolutely. Am I proud that he has learned how to channel his empathy in a way that allows him to make friends of all ages really easily? You bet! But getting accepted to a gifted private school? I don't see that as an accomplishment to be proud of. Grateful to have the opportunity? Of course. Proud? No.

Exactly, George. It feels bizarre-- like being "proud" of some other trait that your child happens to have picked up in the genetic lottery.


I'm SO proud of my daughter Susie. She definitely has her dad's blue eyes and my mother's stunning legs, don't you think?

I mean-- if anyone actually SAID something like that-- they'd (rightly) be looked at as a socially-inappropriate loon.