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Power! Glory! Awesomeness!

Except for the second one in your list.

Class president? Cornell?

Kind of run of the mill. Is Cornell even considered elite or relevant these days?

The spike the elite colleges are most interested in is the one in their parents' income levels.

It's not about being with your friends? What IS "it" about? Unstoppable pursuit of excellence? Man, these are kids. I can't blame my children if they don't want to continue in an activity where they have no friends or are treated poorly by other kids, even if they're good at it and enjoy the activities. They aren't robots. I mean, if they want to continue anyway, of course, more power to them, but not enjoying the social aspect of an activity (especially one with a heavy time commitment) is a valid concern, IMO.

FWIW, research on what kids like about sports show that what they value most about it are being with friends and having fun, with skill development also on the list. Winning and getting trophies ranked very low.

That is not my impression of young chess players. On some days our chess club has tournaments with trophies as prizes, and other days are for open play. The days with tournaments have noticeably higher turnout.

Power! Glory! Awesomeness!

The ability to truly achieve what you were destined to achieve!

Back to the OP... here is a free online resource by the Mensa Foundation which discusses internal motivation: Lit From Within. Slide 41 of 43 in the Prezi reminds us that self-concept should be realistic and skill-based. Slide 42 reminds us of the role of effort (actually, grit): destitutus ventis, remos adhibe (deprived of the winds, take their oars).

Dweck (author of mindset) is one of several sources listed in the presentation.

I'm not talking about tiny kids when I say it isn't about being with your friends. I understand that all kids (all people, really) would probably prefer to be around friends for activities. But when your kid is in middle school or high school, and your kid likes soccer and their friends like cross country (or football, field hockey, etc.) does your kid quit soccer and run instead?

My kids are not about the unstoppable pursuit of excellence. My kids are not great athletes - my older two have had interest from DIII coaches, but they will never be DI material. They do enjoy playing their sport with others around their skill level. It is not enjoyable to play on teams with others who are far more or far less skilled than you are, even if those others are your friends.

The discussion started with an article about gifted girls in middle school. They tend to lack self-esteem, lose interest in STEM, adhere to stereotypes, etc. These girls probably tend to hang out with their friends in whichever activities the friends choose. I thought it was all about pursuing your interests, being confident and not succumbing to stereotypes.

(shrug) These studies didn't look at chess. I'm not sure we can consider chess a typical sport. My son's chess experience has been much more focused on winning than his sports experiences have been (he plays soccer on a lower level, though).

My son declined a trophy recently at a chess event. We have a lot of them and are running out of room, something I have been known to complain about. It was a "minor" trophy, given for a certain minimum number of wins at a tournament, not for placing (he always wants that kind!) He also sometimes gets participation trophies, which, don't get me started, so we really have a lot. The people running the tournament looked at him like he was insane, but IMO it was a win-win (less cost for the organizer!)

No, not if they're happy with their soccer experience overall. But if soccer is socially unenjoyable and another physical activity seems like it would be enjoyable on more levels, then maybe it's time to switch. I'm not going to worry about the lost potential, unless maybe I really think a scholarship is imminent. I do think these activities are "about" making friends to a significant extent. I don't think they should be about denying your passion either, though.

I mean, I get that we don't want girls quitting chess and math club because there are no other girls in the club, but ideally, I'd attack that problem by changing chess and math club, not by telling my child (mine was in second grade when she dropped chess, and hardly a serious chess player, though she still is better than she lets on) "You don't go to chess club to make friends!"

My DD had the same experience in her CS major-- the real problem was that there was such incredible hostility from fellow (98% male) students-- and from first year faculty advisors, who were also male and dismissive of anything resembling "well-rounded" interests.

In fact, the two different advising specialists that she saw openly SCOFFED at her interests outside of engineering/CS. She was treated like a space alien in her CS and engineering courses-- a highly desirable one, to be sure, being a Real Live Girl and all-- but it was lonely and marginalizing.

It was such a huge turn-off that my DD just couldn't take anymore of it and bailed on the major. She looked around and realized that if that was who she was going to be spending all of her time with-- no thanks.